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D|s – M vs Vanilla
Hey all, So Sir and I are really struggling with this and we need the varying opinions (and maybe some pointers, references here, etc) on your dynamic specifically. Every dynamic is different, which is awesome so we would wondering what yours looks like to you. What does your submission to your HusDom look like? Are your eyes always down when he is talking to you (at any time, not just playtime)? Certain postures, certain looks, etc? I’ve talked before of our rituals and protocols that we have but we can zero clear differences between our vanilla life and our dynamic (and making this 24/7 thing). It’s so mixed that I cannot tell what is vanilla and what is our dynamic. I can clearly see all of yours but we don’t see that with us. Tips? Help? Pointers/references? We have no desire to give this up so please help us! We do have a strong lack of consistency and follow-thru but we talk forever on these subjects (including in our downtime). Thanks ladies!
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3 Replies
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Hi LD! I’m sure you will get varying opinions and that is what is great. Once you have the foundations in place, there is no correct way to do D|s-M. Everyone’s D/s looks different and is based on what your Sir desires and what you have agreed too. In our D|s-M, Master is not interested in me have downcast eyes or in kneeling much. He does want me to speak in a respectful, non-sarcastic tone, refrain from answering his questions with a question, answer his questions honestly and without hesitation, stop talking when he starts to talk, and address him as Master when not around our children or certain vanilla’s. Those rules are specific for our dynamic. They are things that are important to Master and things that I have and still continue to have trouble with at times. They also help me to stay in a submissive mindset. Even so, there are times when those rules are more lenient (for example in one of our businesses because I have more expertise and am more involved than he is.) Even in times when we are just sitting around, I feel our dynamic because it is now a part of us. We can be doing “vanilla” things but our D/s is always there even when we are cleaning the house or watching TV. To us the only time we really call vanilla is if we forget our roles and do something stupid like yell or argue. In my opinion, my Sir and I are living a D|s-M lifestyle no matter how it looks to the outside world. There are times when we may be very high protocol like in a scene and times when we are very low protocol while running around dealing with business/family. Some D/s couples may be high protocol all the time, some may be low all the time, some are bedroom only. I think that what matters is how you and your Sir feel about the dynamic and how it enriches your marriage.
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This was very helpful! Thank you Hisgirl!
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Ok, as Hisgirl just said what it looks like will vary between every couple, just as our marriages look different. That is extremely important to remember.
With that being said I will tell you what ours looks like. I almost never cast my eyes downward, BayoWolf wants to see me. I refer to him as Sir when there are not others around. I try very hard to always be/speak in a respectful tone to him. This was a big one for me and one of my first rules. My inner bitch loves to come out and play but she has been pretty absent lately. I try to make sure and be helpful whenever I can and keep his pleasure/comfort (whatever that may be, sex or something else entirely) in the forefront of my thinking. We have various other rules that have come and gone over the last three years but the one thing that I always do is kneel on the bed, naked, head down and ass up for his inspection before I go to bed.Like Hisgirl said I see our marriage as a D|s-M 24/7 because that is the mindset that I have not because of what we do. I think that most people would not recognize that our marriage is anything other that one where the two people respect and love each other.
My advice would be to pick one thing that you can do consistently (kneeling on the bed each night for instance) and do it. No excuses, no hedging, just do it. I think you will find that is slowly changes how you think of your marriage.
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