D/s-M Road Block

[nice-girl]

No, but I’d love some answers. Is anyone able to offer opinions on this or practical submissions for the everyday?

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[Unknown Member]

I think I am there now. About 3 weeks ago, 4 months into our D/s journey he hit a wall and I cant seem to get past it. I don’t really know how it happened. We were flying high over a weekend, 2 good days of Play and incredible connection and Monday morning I broke a rule. Now this is nothing new, we all break rules but my Sir didn’t say anything, from my point of view it seemed like he didn’t even notice or care but he says he noticed and I took his reaction out of context. I don’t know why but this sent me into a complete tail spin. “how could he not care about the rules?”, “is he just doing this because now he gets to have kinky sex with me?” and a hundred other crazy female overreactions went through my mind. It took us 3 or 4 days just to get back on track(and it wasn’t not even a serious rule infraction). It was not at all that I wanted to be punished because I don’t like being punished, it was that I felt ignored I guess which seems silly in hindsight.

Now here I sit 3 weeks later still not where we were before. I almost feel afraid to try again, even though we have never really stopped. It wasn’t even the exact rule infraction that did it was the aftermath of what it caused. We are going slower now but I cant help feeling like I lost something.

So I am not sure if this is 100% of track with the original post. But I think all we can do when we hit a road block is step back and try again. Go slower and hope we learn to better deal with the problems that arise. I am still not really past mine but I am trying. I am not sure I helped but maybe it will help someone relate.

[Sweets-CommunityMentor]

Thanks Schatzi for sharing… Sometimes yes we as women let things get us wound up more than we should. But when something is so important to us as this is then we get a little nutty.. It sounds like you are still working through it.

I too had a major road block about 2 months ago. I asked my sir a question about our D/s and his answer was very as a matter afact and in a manner of he did not care… I lost my so to speak stuff (shit if you will) and I just wanted to cry… I felt as if I was taking this more serious than he was and that he just did not care…and on top of that I was feeling doing the Comparing to others bit.. NOT A GOOD THING!! anyway we sat their as I lost my stuff and talked through my fears and anxiety. KEY SENTENCE HERE… talked through the ugly until we could come out of it with an understanding that we both were comfortable with… My sir and I both work, we have teens at home so VANILLA creeps in a lot… So since our block he had talked to Mr Fox and I reached out to the ladies for sub port and we put some things into place that will keep BOTH of us in our mindset.. SMALL but effective and since then we have moved forward at a slow and steady pace… I think that road block was the best thing that happened to us honestly!!!

So take your block and make sure you COMMUNICATE the block even if it was a small infraction you did, there might be an underlying issue you dont know about… keeping the mindset and atmosphere is tough depending on your home situation…Slow is good Schatzi but if you feel something is missing you need to call DOWNTIME and figure out what was lost and reconnect.. Once you have that understanding then next time something small comes up and he does not react the way you think he should you will know why and not freak out. I hope this helps somewhat.. we can always bring this up in chat so all the ladies can share their stories of road blocks, we are not the only ones!!

Take care,
Sweetness

[ssb]

Schatzi and Sweetness, thanks for sharing your stories. My husband and I recently came out of a roadblock… We’re still taking things slow but we are moving forward. Like you Sweetness, we both work and have a child so there’s a lot of vanilla that creeps in.
Long story short, we were having some day drinks (not even playing a scene or anything) and an old issue got brought up, something that had long ago been laid to rest (or so I thought). He lost control (the control that I was starting to love) and said some very hurtful things..and I did too… I felt backed into a corner.
It was a bad vanilla fight and I felt everything we had worked so hard for in D/s had crumbled right in front of me.
I emailed LK, seeking her advice, and then I told my husband about it. He surprised me and emailed Mr. Fox. I had a bad habit of comparing our D/s to others as well. We have since started over in a way. We talked and talked and talked…. incorporated downtime and I have to say downtime has been the best. Its therapeutic for us and it makes me feel very submissive… its hard to describe.
Anyways, I have been very scared to share my “roadblock” but it feels good to get it out.
So thanks Schatzi and Sweetness again for sharing your stories. You kind of gave me a little courage to share too..
♥♥
SSB

[Unknown Member]

I have been meaning to post back a response and let everyone know I think the roadblock a few weeks back is over now. In hindsight it may have been the best thing for us. Sweetness I can completely relate to the feeling of thinking you were taking your submission more seriously than your husDom. I had some of the same thoughts during our bad time, which honestly lasted 2 full weeks. Life gets so busy and communication failed us for a while. We have 4 kids ages 4-12 and both work full time, opposite shifts with none of the same days off, so we have really had to learn to plan for downtime. We played but we weren’t talking like we should have been and it took its toll on our D/s relationship. Now we are making sure we have Downtime at least twice or three times a week and always on days before we Play. I think one of our biggest mistakes was not using downtime to talk about D/s but more as a general talk about whatever was going on. I know everyone on here says it all the time but Communication is the biggest key. Not just general talking to each other but really learning to talk and listen. Thanks for all the sub-port, it is always good to know roadblocks hit us all.

[ssb]

I’m glad y’all were able to come out of your roadblock stronger Schatzi.
SSB

[Sweets-CommunityMentor]

Ladies Im so glad you could share your stories… so similar and Im pretty sure there are more ladies that can relate. Im glad you were able to open up out here and share. Alot of times we might feel we are alone with roadblocks that no one else has… Thats why I opened up this topic. When I felt this way I came to Lk and LT and they reassured me I was not the only one and that we were actuallay on the right track… we just needed to slow down and regroup.

Downtime is just the best if its utilized the right way… when vanilla creeps in we just take a breathe or if its so bad we call downtime.

Girls you both are doing so awesome!!!! Im glad I could share my story to help out.. Never be afraid to ask for help or for questions everyone is so sub portive its awesome.