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D/s – A healing experience
This is my first time blogging a very new experience but I wanted to share. I grew up in “the church” where good girls were virgins and didn’t have sex until they were married. Where sex was bad, dirty and wrong. It was at some point that I rejected the sexual side of me as though I couldn’t love God, be acceptable to my family and be a sexual being. When you take all of that and add that I want to “walk on the wild side” well that really throws things for a loop. But I am finally at a place in life where I am not going to reject part of me to make anyone else OK or happy. By exploring this side of who I am that I have self acceptance and I am finding healing for my soul as I become who I was created to be.
Besides religion messing with my ideas about who I am and who it is OK to be, I am finding that submission really reaches out and touches some deeply hurt places in my soul. I believe it is so that I can get the healing that I can’t get any other way. I am super scared of trusting and letting someone in to that depth but I also want the healing. I am not sure if anyone can relate to this or not but it you can, I would love to hear from you. I would love to hear what your healing experience has looked like and if you can impart any wisdom or suggestions to me.
thanks,
Sapphire -
3 Replies
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Sapphire, I totally relate to your post. I was a “church” girl for 40+ years. I knew I believed in God long before I knew there was church. It was always a part of me. My experience over the years was exactly the same as yours. Over the decades I held a deep love and a deep resentment for the God I was being taught about. I know that sounds bad – but it is the truth. I was/am a deeply emotional/sexual being and I felt like I was dying on the inside to impress those on the outside (white washed tomb, if you will).
I felt guilty about enjoying sex with my husband and limited the contact with him to ease the guilt. I was in my late 40s when I had an experience – spiritual awakening I suppose. I began to feel the need to pull away from the indoctrination and return to the source of my faith. I spent time alone with God asking the very questions you posed and was set free one day at a time.
I am so confident in my faith and so very happy with my sexuality (so is my Beloved). God gave me a clitoris that serves no other purpose than pleasure. He gave me a partner who fits nicely with me. And then of course, I was led to REALLY read the Song of Solomon. It is quite possibly one of the most erotic pieces of writing I’ve ever read. They enjoy their bodies to the fullest. And there are a couple of passages that scholars are now agreeing actually refer to oral sex.
Regaining the love of my sexual being has made me a whole person and a happily married one at that. I too found that embracing my sexuality and my femininity put me in an extremely vulnerable place, but the payoff has been the healing of old wounds and strengthening of my ability to love – emotionally and physically. Those steps have created an organic need in me to submit to my husband.
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Annie, thank you! Your words are so encouraging.
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Sapphire, you are most welcome. Just keep remembering how uniquely beautiful and talented God made you! Everything else falls into place in it’s own time. Have a great day filled with love and great sex.
Annie
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