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Don't know what to do
I could use a bit of help.
Sir and I are only 2 months old (in the lifestyle) but things have slowed way down. We were already taking things pretty slow to begin with (at his request) but it feels like it’s just about stopped. I have talked to him and flat out asked if he wanted to take a “time out” but he said he really enjoys it but that with as much as he’s working he’s just been duper tired.
I told I feel like everything us one-sided right now and he said he would really try to be better about that. It’s been a few weeks and nothing has changed. I’m literally initiating everything and getting shot down.
I have a list of expectations (household and sexual) that he doesn’t seem to care about holding me to. When I tell him that I have flat out broken a rule he just says “we’ll have to something about that”, but nothing ever happens! (We don’t use physical correction yet)
I keep trying to talk to him about how I feel and what I need but I’m starting to feel like a broken record.
What else can I do to encourage him to make certain things a habit? Help -
1 Reply
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Hi. I was looking at some other things and saw your post. I am not an expert and my M and I have been at this for only a year or so. We’ve been through some pretty hard personal things and while going through it had to take time of from D/s. I will say from my view of a submissive position, it seems there are too many things which are expected of both him and you. The part a Dom plays is actually harder than a submissive one. It requires an extensive amount of attention and thought. We started out gung ho too and almost within immediately found ourselves down to once a month. I too grew frustrated, and thought he was not wanting to do this anymore, but that is not the case. I had to learn to listen to him, really listen to what was going on in his mind. It took time on my part and wonder if you have tried this approach? I did things literally like clean the house up (I work too), a nice easy dinner, candles, music and had him shower and then gave him TLC as a massage. No expectations. Or I would ask if we could go to bed early and letting him set the time, had myself clean and with a book, which I read to him. I also have learned to sit still and let him talk. This D/s is about the intimacy we both need and I had to set aside my desires and let him be who he is and let him grow. There could be a myriad number of things, one being he may be questioning his own sexuality in what he sees as harming you. That is hard for some to do when they love.
I think if you do something which is to give to him, present yourself as loving and caring for him too, you will find over the weeks, he will grow. It takes a lot for us to truly have patience. I personally have none, I am learning. I am not good at it and struggle. What I do know is I love my M and want him to grow too. That is my motivation in this. Not just the desires I feel, those are bonuses.
When I am frustrated the most, I give to him, just TLC. I hope this helps. 🙂
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