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Chipping at the Wall With a Nail File
At least it’s with something sharp. Surely that represents our underlying need for D/s in our lives, no matter our current predicaments and struggles.
For what I’m sure is a multitude of reasons, not least of which is that we are human and live lives, our D/s has run into that dreaded wall this summer. Gone are the lovely days where I had to change my underwear or liners multiple times a day because they were always wet. Fewer are the frisky embraces randomly through the times we are in each others presence. And heaven forbid, we’re not having sex EVERY day 🙁 …BUT…But. Gone are the evenings of sitting on the opposite sides of the living room in silence. Fewer are the silences in general. And damn, if he doesn’t know my body better than ever.
It’s still there. He’s still there. My Dom is still there. He remembers me, even when I don’t remember me. I remember him, even when he doesn’t remember him.
And it was in that spirit that Sir took me on one of those rare date nights we all search for while we have 3 kids 4 and under. Sir asked me to write about the night, and I have procrastinated it, not knowing how to express my feelings or relay the details. Alas, the details are slipping away with time. However, the impressions that date night left on me were as follows:
1. He made the special effort, time, and spent the funds to dote on US in the midst of a slump.
2. He requested I wear a dress, which I VERY rarely do, and I was able to do so with confidence; a confidence I would never have possessed before our dynamic.
3. Although I felt neglected because our play had slowed down in intensity, duration, frequency, etc., Sir never forgot his desires or mine and challenged me with my first ever canning.
4. He beat the crap out of my butt while I lie across the bed on my stomach, completely unrestrained (I’ve always hinted at that position, but he never utilized it until that night). I screamed and almost cried throughout, but I didn’t move and he didn’t stop because he knew I didn’t want him to and more importantly, he didn’t want to.
5. I flew and crashed right into his arms and snoozed in comfort until it was time to pick up the littles.
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p class=””> 6. I felt loved. Loved that he knew me enough to push me. Loved that he pushed me when I didn’t want to be pushed because I was feeling neglected. Loved that he hadn’t forgotten and it wasn’t all just a dream.
Submission is not always easy. Dominance isn’t easy either. But neither is marriage or life. It’s all work but it’s all worth it. This one night didn’t fix all our issues. It didn’t reignite the Olympic torch. But it did remind us who we are now and who we are striving to be. I strive to be his and his alone in everything and he strives to be my everything.
It’s still there. He’s still there. My Dom is still there. He remembers me, even when I don’t remember me. I remember him, even when he doesn’t remember him. We’re in a slump and it sucks. Sucks as much as a sucky thing can suck. BUT, it’s a testament to the lifestyle dynamic that even when I can’t feel the spark of desire or the burn of his dominance, when he says kneel, I drop it like it’s hot.
Love you subbies! Keep fighting!
star
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4 Replies
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Star, I love this. What a great reminder that sometimes us subbies focus on what still isn’t the way we want it rather than how much better it is than before D|s-M! I know my marriage was saved because of this lifestyle. We aren’t perfect and sometimes I feel like we hit a wall every week but when my Sir reminds me to step back and look at the big picture I am able to see the real picture. Thank you for sharing!
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I wish there was a ‘Love’ button to click because I love this star. We are almost 7 years in and right now this post hits me so close to home. We are down to the wire on the conference that pulls us out of Ds every other year. It’s a hurdle we have struggled with twice and took literally 6 months to get back on track or basically start from scratch. This year as I sit alone having breakfast in the hotel trying not to worry or nag my Sir about getting things done on time. I had this quiet moment to come to submrs and check in, read your post and remember how far we have come. I’m letting him sleep (which he needs), I’m trusting he will get his things done (without nagging or losing my temper), I’m comforting him when he is stress (instead of adding to his stress). We are still having our moments, our bumps in the road but we are still us. That is a wonderful feeling. We might not have to start from scratch this year and that makes me smile. We have restarted and rebooted our Ds so many times I know we could again if necessary but now feeling we wont have to go back that far makes me feel we have finally learned those first few steps even if it took us this long. Now my Sir has come to join me for breakfast and check in. I’m off to get his juice. Thank you so much for this post.❤
🤗 Jsbunny
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Thank you for sharing. We are in a time of testing right now and have been for a few months, just with Sir’s work and other life stressors. I agree that it is so important to make time for each other in the midst of crazy chaos. This thing we do is so important and affects every part of our lives. Submission is a lifelong journey of learning to give and take. Dominance is a lifelong journey of learning to lead in love and take what you want at times.
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Just revisiting some old posts and this one may stay my favorite and most important to me for all time. How blessed I am to be so loved and to have a community of like minded people to help us find our way to a happier us.
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