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Being Submissive wanting a D/s relationship Is Hard Work
Being submissive wanting a D/s relationship is hard work! First I want to say I’m not writing this to offend anyone’s submission or their D/s. Everyone’s D/s dynamics are going to be different and it should be because we all have different personalities. I’m not a teacher or am I perfect in my submission. But being submissive and want a D/s relationship is hard work! What I did was listen to what I’ve been told by LK since the beginning and followed the steps she told me and I read basically everything she wrote. I took that knowledge and made it fit me, I made it my own. I could not have done that if I didn’t give 110 % of my heart and soul in that effort. Submission is not easy, it’s hard work and can be frustrating, but this is real life and some things that come easy isn’t worth having in the end. I also realized if you keep it basic and simple it’s not complicated at all because submitting is what it means. You submit all to your partner! Now don’t get me wrong by saying that because may you believe it or not… it’s you who hold all the power in a D/s relationship. But how you use that power in co-piloting with your Sir/partner or in downtime with your Sir/partner in your journey is up to you on laying that strong foundation you are building. I believe this comes with maturity and respect for each other and dedication because without it there is nothing to build on. A D/s relationship is built on respect, honest communication, trust, patience and I’m going to add connection in the love you have for each other. I also believe you have to be honest and have clean motivation in your submission. Meaning… you chose to be submissive and want a D/s relationship because you need it, want it for you and not because your life or marriage is dysfunctional and is so messed up that you have no choice but to do it for all the wrong reasons. There also has to be equality between the submissive and Dominant in downtime and in everyday vanilla issues. Yes, the Dominant may have the final say but the conversation should always be equal.
Think of it this way… in your vanilla life you were may have been brought up seeing mommy and daddy have their everyday shouting match over how it should be or who was right and who is wrong. In the end they didn’t talk for hours or someone just went to bed. Next day life went on like nothing happened and the dead end life continued where the connection between each other gets separated and you end up thinking separately.
Now I’m not saying this how everyone’s family was but a good percentage. You teach your children not to judge others and have respect if they want it in return… to always think about what they say before they open their mouth. That is what submission is about, it’s taking those bad habits you learned over the years and making a true connection with your Sir/partner where everything is done with respect to one another in everything you do. It’s being humble when needed, it’s saying thank you for opening up the car door, and it’s going that extra mile even though you are tired. It’s doing all the littlest things your Sir/partner wouldn’t ask you to do or expect you not to do. It’s a true commitment to working on your own problems in the relationship but also supporting your Sir/partner. Your Sir/partner must also learn that he may have the last word but he also needs to listen and hear and respect what you have to say without re-acting before he even thinks about everything that was said. Sometimes we talk but, we really don’t listen to the words and meaning of what is truly being said or in the tone of the voice or the body language that it’s being said in on both sides. These are the small things we miss or don’t bother to remember to look for. Even in submission we tend to think after awhile we got it down… boy how wrong we are! We tend to forget the basic’s that got us to where we are and we take for granted we know it by heart. Wrong again! Power in each submission and dominance can be overused by one another harshly not realizing we are doing it. It takes one person to cause the problem and two people to fix it …together. Is D/s a fix all? No! But if done with loving care and commitment to each other with the understanding of being connected in all that you do….. It’s beautiful and amazing.
So remember subs if you are the ones who asked for this journey than submission is a dedication to yourself and your partner in all aspects of the relationship. You will both stumble and fall along the way and maybe take a wrong turn, that is the learning curve and that’s where you figure it out and put it back on track where it needs to be. Having a Pilot and co-pilot not communicating or really listening to each other will not get you back on course…you will only keep crashing. The basic check list is patience, understanding, communicating, listening no matter what…. meaning is “Truly hear the meaning behind the words and the feeling from where it’s coming from”, honest commitment towards your goals and yourself in the relationship. But the most important is love because love will over trump any problem by working together as one unit. The kinky sex is the extra in the relationship and makes everything you given to that point in the relationship…. the final piece to the commitment to one another….. AMAZING! It completes the relationship to grow even stronger and farther…..there is no limit except the one you and your Sir/partner put on it. This is only my opinion and what I believe in ladies! Reinvent your life and your journey together. Remember you can be a submissive and a Dominant by title only….. But to really have it… you have to work hard and earn that title and respect it always.
Lt ♥
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2 Replies
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Hi LT –
I just read through this post a few times, and I really like your description of the balance of power in the relationship. I can see, for my own relationship, how this balance is super important. With us, one of the aspects of my personality that he always cites as a huge attraction for him is my strong personality. I am very definitely an “A” personality (and first born, and a Leo… LOL). Simultaneously, however, one of his biggest complaints was that I would second guess everything he would do. (He’s also an A personality, and a first born…)
In our early talks about this lifestyle, we chatted about whether it would be a bedroom only thing or extend out eventually to a 24/7 relationship. Your post pretty much nailed what our conversation was aiming towards regarding equality and final decisions. The analogy I had come up with that resonated with him was a Star Trek reference – we have been rewatching The Next Generation on Netflix, so we looked at Picard and Riker – Picard definitely respects Riker, they have conversations with different viewpoints, Riker has a very strong personality. In the end, though, it is Picard who is the Captain and makes the final call.
Anyhow, quoted below just for me is the section that I really identified with in your post above. Thanks for sharing all that you do, LT
I also realized if you keep it basic and simple it’s not complicated at all because submitting is what it means. You submit all to your partner! Now don’t get me wrong by saying that because may you believe it or not… it’s you who hold all the power in a D/s relationship. But how you use that power in co-piloting with your Sir/partner or in downtime with your Sir/partner in your journey is up to you on laying that strong foundation you are building. I believe this comes with maturity and respect for each other and dedication because without it there is nothing to build on. A D/s relationship is built on respect, honest communication, trust, patience and I’m going to add connection in the love you have for each other. I also believe you have to be honest and have clean motivation in your submission. Meaning… you chose to be submissive and want a D/s relationship because you need it, want it for you and not because your life or marriage is dysfunctional and is so messed up that you have no choice but to do it for all the wrong reasons. There also has to be equality between the submissive and Dominant in downtime and in everyday vanilla issues. Yes, the Dominant may have the final say but the conversation should always be equal.
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Lt, this really is beautiful! I plan on using some of this in my FA.
As it is drawing near, I am getting nervous and doubt is creating in. I feel that I am taking care of more than I am taken care of. Don’t get me wrong, service and my submission I love. In our very vanilla days, I was the go to person. I took everyone everywhere. I made sure life went round. After seeing the responsibilities of each in a D/s relationship, I no longer want to be that person. I want to have a shared behavior and responsibility pattern so that it creates a tight firm circle.
I’m not sure if this was the right place to post this, but does anyone ever feel this way? Like they are taking care of more than they feel they are taken care of? I know communication is key here, I just wanted to know others opinions and feelings on this.
Thank you Lt for this enlightening post. You truly have a way with words!
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