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BDSM
I want to start of with this post is in no way a judgment on anyone. This is simply my own personal experiences and opinions based off of those experiences.
My husband and I already live a pretty similar life style to bdsm. I think a lot of that has to do with my Mexican culture. In our culture women are raised to cater to their husband and raise the children. In our culture our husbands come first (after God of course). I grew up knowing my place. Well I also grew up watching Mt biology Al father put my mother in intensive care more tines that I could before my mother left him when I was 3. I saw so many horrible things that were done to her that I vowed that any man who would ever dare put his hands on me with the intentions to hurt me either physically or emotionally would die by my hand in the most horrid way my imaginative brain could come up with at that time. The more blogs I read and the more i participated in the chat the more the fear inside me about bdsm grew. The thought of my husband punishing me one day because I got snappy or smartassy scared the Shit out of me. I didn’t know how to feel about it. I told myself I would be willing to do it for him because I love him and I wanted him happy but the more I read the more I heard the scarier it got. I understand what the aspect of punishment brings into bdsm I do. I just don’t think I will ever be able to participate in it and still end up the person I am now. Domestic abuse is a real thing and its far too common especially in today’s world. No matter how I spin it in my head though I can’t stop seeing the punishment as abuse. I’ve tried to think differently I have but I can’t do it. I cannot. Scratch that. I will not ever allow any person least of all the person who has vowed to honor and cherish me ever put their hands on me with the intent to hurt or punish me. I won’t. Some of you may say its about being submissive. In sorry but I will not submit to abuse. I am not a child that needs to be taught right from wrong. I do not need to be disciplined. I also do understand the benefits of giving it all to him. It sounds great but I have a feeling its not going to be all its cracked up to be. I have always been a very independent woman raised by a hard working independent single mother until my step dad came along and showed my mother and myself how a real man treats a worthy woman. I cook and clean and care for my husband because that is my job as his wife. Just like he cares and supports me because Hehe is my husband that is his job.
Well I sat down with him to talk about this, close to tears I looked him in the eyes and told him that I didn’t know if I could do what it is that has wanting to do. He looked so confused because up until that point we had been having so much fun with this. I explained further by telling him that I feel like if he is eventually wanting to get to the point when he punishes me without any sexual intentions then I don’t think I could be with him anymore. He looked at me and that that he does not ever want to hurt me. He wants nothing to do with the punishment aspect of bdsm. He told me that he married me for who I am smart mouth and all. He simply wants to have kinky sex because the way we live our lives already is perfect for us. It works. There is equal partnership with metal respect and consideration. (That statement does NOT mean that those qualities are not in the normal bdsm relationship) we make decisions together as they effect us both. I take care of him he takes care of me.
I was afraid to talk about this at first. Mostly because I didn’t want anyone to think I was being judgemental of anyone life decisions because I’m not. It is your like and it is your choice. I just happen tonnage chosen differently. The other little part of me that didn’t want to post this was because I myself do not want to be judged for felling the way I feel. I want to be part of this community and my husband does as well. We just came to the conclusion that parts of these lifestyles don’t work for us. I hope that this post gives people some incite and maybe for those subs out there who feel the way I feel but have yet to voice it are able to come out more and participate freely. Much love all!!! -
1 Reply
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Your bdsm dynamic is normal. Everyone has a list of thing we like and dislike. Toys, for example: there are some we use, and some we don’t. BDSM is for Bondage & Discipline, Domination & Submission, Sadism & Masochism. Some people enjoy all of it, some dislike this or that. And it is all right. My Husdom and me are not in to Sadomasochism, because for me pain is pain and pleasure is pleasure, I don’t feel pleasure by pain, but I respect and love my friends who does like it. My husdom doesn’t like to punish me. As you said, he says the same: “you’re not a child and I’m not your father, it’s not my job to discipline you. If we have a problem, we solve it by talking to each other”. I know he is completely right, but even so I enjoy thinking that he can punish me if I need, because it helps me put myself in the submissive mindset. Our punishments are very rare and very soft, and they’re just for fun. The other women here that receive punishments do it because they like it, and since they like it, it’s not punishment for real. Just a fun, a scene. You as well can be a great submissive without the part of punishments. There is no rule, you decide what you enjoy and what you don’t. You shouldn’t be embarassed to tell us all what you told, because it isn’t making your BDSM less legitimate than ours.
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