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Asperger's Syndrome
What is Asperger’s Syndrome?
It is a developmental disorder related to autism and characterized by awkwardness in social interaction, pedantry in speech, and preoccupation with very narrow interests. Asperger syndrome is an autism spectrum disorder (ASD) considered to be on the “high functioning” end of the spectrum.
I have Asperger’s Syndrome. That’s a hard sentence to type because I don’t like to admit it but it’s true.
I can hold a conversation probably not a proper one where I understand all the time but I do. I have talked before on the warren and my speech maybe doesn’t seem bad or inappropriate but its typing you can’t hear my ups and downs in tone or odd spaces in the sentence also I have time to think about my sentence before I press Enter.
Having AS is a bunch of songs in your head in which you have to know the names of offhand or the world will end or something. Sometimes you think you know the answer but you can’t be sure and the fate of humanity lies on your response, like a multiple choice exam. The songs are words, expressions, tone, body language, puns, jokes, similes, metaphors. It’s frustrating so that’s why I hide from the warren unless it has very little people or I’m feeling brave. It’s not like this every day I don’t go to the store sometimes because maybe the cashier would say ‘’have a good day’’ or something like that and it seems like my worst nightmare but there are other times where I talk a lot and make jokes like deliberate ones lol 😛 sometimes people laugh and I have no idea why but then they say you’re so funny so I guess it was a joke? I say and interpret things literally but I’ve learnt from reading and such (yes I can read and understand what I’m reading 😛 most times lol) like I said hold a conversation you can’t hold a conversation it’s not something physical its abstract but from being exposed to people talking and reading I get what it means and other expressions too so that’s how I learnt to communicate with people.
The part about narrow interests and pedantry is true…. I like a few things and it’s hard to accept and like other things beyond that. I cannot never ever put on my top before my shoes its goes in a specific order for me and if it changes it feels like I can’t function. A lot of what I do is routine except a few things I’ve embedded in my mind that can and will change and force myself to accept it. One time Sir told me to sweep and he’ll wash the wares which normally is I wash wares and he sweeps and I cried. It was stupid but it was such a tragedy for me whereas if he told me a while before I might have not reacted like that. I don’t like noise or constant loudness. That and socializing a lot and often builds a ‘’background noise’’ in my head which builds up until I need to be left alone in complete silence and not talk. AS is like that doing all these roundabout things to do something simple as talking while an underlying frustration builds. Over and over again. Even when you get what a phrase means you still have to link them to the sentence to make sense not to you but to the person saying it.
AS comes with depression and social anxiety disorder hence my avoiding the cashier sometimes 😛 only a few times have I ever become depressed in short bursts but it’s horrible. Also it adds up because when people know their reaction affects you or what they say or think you’re illiterate or retarded. Which is why I write this, I don’t want anyone to point it out without I saying it first because then you’ll pelt me with tomatoes or dumb down your language or treat me or think I’m a child. Please don’t call me a child ( that’s a hard limit lol )you probably wont but I rather be called every name in the book instead of being called a child. Its offensive. Or ask if I understand after every sentence 😛 people do that but I’ve been guessing what you all mean since the day I first chatted I think I’ve become a pro at it lol
I think I notice odd things in sentence structures such as people tend to put lol after a response containing other words instead of before like I do but no one probably noticed that. I rarely use abbreviations. I also have a hard time explaining myself. My AS has gotten better as compared to before. AS and D/s is kind of awkward to put together like the awkwardness of talking about sex but I had to learn non verbal signs etc about sex pertaining to my Sir. Like having your partner demonstrate….you get the idea it was so awkward but im grateful because then he’ll literally have to announce every time he wanted to do something.
Myths:
I do make eye contact lol the floor isn’t all that interesting
My job has nothing to do with art or music….its not all we’re supposedly good at
Its not Autism I am not autistic
People with AS are geniuses lol we can be average above average or below average same potential like everyone else
We cant start or maintain relationships
We cant feel emotions
We need special ed or classes I went to regular school with other children never went to any support type things and I turned out fine
There are a lot of myths about AS people. We are regular people maybe we see the world a bit differently or like things a certain way or don’t understand all the time. The same like OCD people or people with active imaginations or like you….im sure you don’t understand everything in all conversations all the time. You probably don’t get a joke or pun or metaphor or expression right all the time neither do I so we’re all the same really.
It took me to 2 1/2 hours to write this because I had to try to think like you so you’ll get what I mean and im dreading that people are gonna comment because im not sure I’ll say the right thing or appropriate thing. Im also rambling cuz I don’t know how to end this so I’ll just end lol. END 🙂 -
16 Replies
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Emily, I really am so proud of you. It takes guts to write what you did. You are such a wonderful person, and I am glad to get to know you a little more each day. Thank you for enlightening all of us and trusting us enough to open this side of yourself up to us all. It is very much appreciated. Here for ya whenever you need me…. xoxo
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Thanks KLB especially for encouraging me to write about it
Aithne it also takes a wonderful person to raise them 😉 and thank you
HDK thank you too…..I like your pic 🙂
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Emily, you are wonderful! Thank you, for sharing since my two youngest have spectrum stuff as well, I understand a lot of what you are talking about. You have encouraged me for my two youngest. You have shown yourself to be exactly what I hope to be raising them to be. Compassionate and warm regardless of your stuff. Stuff in life makes us who we are. If you ever want to talk, please message me. I think you really are wonderful.
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Emily This is a great post thank you for sharing with us.
We all open up in our own time, in our own way.
We all get to know each other a little more as time goes on. The bonds and trust we make with each other is priceless.
XOXOXO Lady. -
I so got the reply thing wrong lol sorry
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Emily, loved the post. You explained it very well and I feel like I know a little bit more about you. Thanks for opening up. You know you can always chat with me girlie. Love and Hugs
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Emily This is a subtastic post thank you for sharing with all of us lady. What’s perfect, what’s normal who knows who care’s. We are all unique, we all have disabilities within us and also strengths that define us. It’s who we are as a mother, daughter, wife, girlfriend and friend, it’s who we are on the inside with a caring heart. By the way I suck at English and never went to college, I’m not Einstein and I’m not stupid, I see things, do things differently than everyone does that make my strange? Lol!
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Thanks love….I bother you enough to know :p
Thanks Lt and yes it makes you strange and that’s good because then you’ll be boring and no one likes to be boring or boring people….I overused the word boring lol
Yay someone else sucks at English too but it is a hard language :p
Autocorrect helps me sometimes lol -
Emily,
Thank you for opening up yourself and letting us have a peek inside. You are a great and smart person! And you’re such an asset to the site! We’re all here for you lady and you do the same for us too!!
XOXO
❤️ SSB
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Thank you for sharing Emily, my eldest daughter is on the spectrum along with other health issues, I loved reading your description of Aspergers, I have not been on this site very long, but it really seems very subportive.
hope to chat with you soon
April ;o)
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Dear Emily,
I am so happy to have you as my friend. You make me smile every time we chat❤️ I struggle with OCD, panic attacks, manic depression and fibromyalgia. We all have our own challenges,battles to fight. I ofton feel like I’m on the outside looking in. LOL…I’m a CEO LOL. So, in closing you sharing your story of success gives me strength. Curveysub
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And I wouldn’t have you any other way! I love your passion, your incredible insight and wisdom. I hope you know how much I rely on your council and humor to get me through the bumps along the way. Thank you for sharing and caring!
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Emily,
You are one of the sweetest people on here and I have always enjoyed chatting with you! I think it took a great amount of courage to post this and I appreciate and respect you even more than I already did. Thank you for sharing something like this so I can know you better and thank you for being so open and honest about how you feel!Much love,
Rachelle -
Through my D/s, i feel better about having AS. When i first wrote this i was ashamed that i had it and tried to cover it up. When i trip over my words or repeat the same word 50 times (a fugue) before saying the next word or use a wrong word or pronounce it wrong its okay! Because im like 5 and 5 year olds dont have to speak properly lol
Also Master holds both my hands in one of his in front of me so i dont touch stuff in grocery stores etc. Normally people do that with violent autism or autism spectrum people so they dont hit others or themselves and although im not violent i still like it. It keeps my focus on him instead of reading all the labels or having to touch everything because stores are so full of sensory stuff and usually when i leave i get irritable because it is “loud”.
It allows me to say words like yays and byes. Though i know grammatically it is wrong it sounds right to me, especially when im little i say it because i am 5 i can easily misplace an s lol if i dont know what a word or sentence means its because im 5 or i talk and it comes out weird or its not real words its because im 5 or if i use a word or phrase wrong because im not that smart yet lol
Im also losing some of my introspection (ability to tell if you’re hungry/full or need to use the bathroom).
Master goes to the bathroom with me at home as awkward as it is but im 5 i need help lol
I time my meals just in case i forget and Master feeds me so i dont doubt if im actually hungry or not.
The feeling of being hungry or full or needing to pee sometimes mixes with the feeling of being horny and im so confused what the feeling in my stomach means but im like 5 i dont know about my body lolSometimes i temporarily lose my motor skills and so i fall down or cant hold a crayon but im like 3 so i cant help it so if i colour and it looks like scratches its okay because im 3 i cant colour properly yet!
im hyperactive so dont tell me to sit still or stop repetitively flicking my fingers im a 5 year old jacked up on cookies and sprinkles lol i talk a lot to because i just want to about anything because i can so dont tell me to be quiet or im talking too much there’s no such thing im a 5 year old with a serious sugar rush and a lot of years of being non verbal to make up for. I may say the same thing over and over because i have nothing else to say but i still wanna talk lol i am 5 i get excited for everything!! the chair is exciting the table is exciting everything is exciting because im 5 and aspergeristic! Aspergeristic isnt a real word but it sounds like one and it should be a real word, much better than being an “aspie”
But whatever it’s called i dont mind it as much anymore because it adds to a part of our D/s.
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Ninja EM I yuv you just the way you are. <3
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My Emmie!!!! I love you so much and I admire your courage and determination. Keep pushing!
smooches,
JR
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