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An imperfect little (true) story
We were snippy yesterday, both of us, for no good reason other than we were annoyed with our own lives. Life is complicated, as it likes to be, and we forgot who we were for a moment. Later, when our snarls had passed, I knelt at his feet, my head under his hand, letting the weight of my selfishness sink into my bones. “You were busy wanting while he was busy needing,” says The queen, who is always right. These little tantrums, they are my old friends, though I am glad to see them less these days. I can only have one Master, and through the gift of His Dominance, I am free to let go of the bondage of expectation, entitlement, insecurity, and victimization. Day to day, hour to hour, (on bad days it’s minute to minute) I resubmit. I renew and remind (-new -mind). My submission is a daily practice, because every day I am insolent, every day I fall short, every day I make mistakes I have made before, every day I let a tiny fear drive me. It is frustrating to be so fallibly human all the time, so far to go. In my best moments I see that there is only ever more: more acceptance, more surrender, more joy. My submission grows and changes with me, with what I have to offer, with what I am able to give and receive. “I want control.” My Lord tells me exactly what He needs, and I hear Him. This is given as both confession and command. “Let me prepare myself to serve you.” I ask for exactly what I need and He hears me. There is no selfishness in me now. He strokes my hair until my head becomes heavy on his thigh, and my body melts into him. He Knows this is my consent, my offering, and he accepts the gift. Used as my God intended. “Good little whore,” he tells me, “beautiful, beautiful slut.” And I become more.
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5 Replies
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This is simply lovely. I hope you don’t mind if I tell you I am envious of your submission – because mine is nowhere near yours yet! I am so much more than snippy, Diva, I am sassy, bratty, rude, and disobedient. I crave to be His good girl, but I am so very far from it that it is yet but a dream…
Thanks for this beautiful story. -
Thank you for reading and responding, Sassy. And that was one day of snippy…I am OFTEN sassy, bratty, rude and disobedient. But I appreciate the compliment; I do spend a lot of time thinking about and working on my submission, and He and I have both seen it get more complex and thoughtful. Most of my “good girl” moments, like the one above, emerge from my worst moments. So keep on being bratty 🙂
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Your story hits close to home. I can have quite a little temper and be very bratty. It has gotten better as our D/s has evolved, but I feel like it will always be with me.
And you are so right about “good girl” moments emerging from bad ones… I learn a lot from my bad moments for sure, but it has helped strengthen our relationship.
♡SSB -
DivaJess that was lovely. I am very self aware but this new life I have asked for has shown me my fears, my pride and shows that the cheekiness that Sir loves has another side – insolent, willful, even bratty. My journey into Submission is beginning and I feel it will have bumps ahead, but for the last few days I have shown and experienced love in ways that are deeply satisfying.Even my first punishment was an experience of Sir’s love and concern for me. Being a bad girl has brought us closer in understanding.
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Sigh…. ❤️
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