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Advise please! Letting go of the stigma…
My Sir and I have never been so close or as much as in love as we have been since finding our new D/s-M dynamic, the communication is amazing and the sex well…mindblowing!
We both love impact play and rough sex. My question is how do we mentally get past the stigmas attached to BDSM?
Once we start impact play and Sir starts spanking/slapping generally manhandling me we both love it, but it’s very hard at times for both of us to get started. My Sir more than me worries about hitting me becuase society has told us all of our lives that it’s wrong, its abuse. We both agree that it is not, but how do we overcome the thoughts that accompany it at times?
Last night Sir was not feeling very Domish so I stood naked in front of him, like we do every night and asked him to tell me what he wanted, he did eventually but we had to get past the stigma first. I feed him and will continue to do so, but how can I help both of us not feel shame from this?
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5 Replies
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Hi SirDKlittleone.
We have been there. When we first started out my Sir ran hot and cold for awhile I didn’t know why till he told me his struggle with feeling like a bad guy. It was hard for my Sir to come to terms with being ok with the things we did and that he liked it. Two things helped him. 1- I had to be very vocal on thanking him after and telling him how much I enjoyed it. How much I loved and adored him. How much it turned me on that he liked it. Really fed him as a Dom till he was stuffed. 2- He talked to others so he didn’t feel alone in what he liked. It normalized it (if that makes sense). If he is not already on Husdom it would be really good for him. Those 2 things and a little time is what helped us. I sure there are many on here who have also gone through this. Know you are not alone. Best wishes in your journey together
🤗 Jsbunny -
This is such a good topic. I have found that my Sir has struggled and I’m sure will struggle with the same things but I’ve found that the number one rule in our house is our dynamic is just that-OUR dynamic. He wants me to be happy and fulfilled and I want the same for Him so we adjust our actions to each other’s needs. These are lofty objectives and I admit we claim progress not perfection in this area. Getting my Sir to feel comfortable being the Dominant I hope He will be needs reinforcement. He needs to know that what He is doing to me is the best for us. So I do my part by writing about my experiences as a submissive in His care in my journal. It’s a rule in our house that I write everyday and the more He reads about my reactions to His dominant actions the more comfortable He seems to be with it. Since my Sir was a vanilla when we began our D/s journey it was and is always important that He get positive feedback from me.
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You are getting some great advice here. Communication, time and patience are the three biggest things needed here.
As others have said, constantly telling your Sir what his dominance means to you, what specifically you love about impact play. When we started my Sir said he felt like a bully, I told him his control felt like heaven to me. It gave me comfort and security. Lots of writing in my journal to let him know what was going on in my head. Make use of DownTime. Talk about your dynamic and forge your way through to YOUR dynamic.
It will also just take time. As he sees your constantly positive reaction to impact play he will relax. After a while you will find it hard to remember just what all the fuss was about.
Be patient. We have all had to go through this part for one thing or another. Take a breath and enjoy the journey. You will get to the place you both want to be with some hard work, communication and patience.Keep Moving,
Pearl -
I can only repeat what the others have already said. Time, patience and reassuring your Sir that he is fulfilling your needs and desires with his Dominance. It takes time for them to accept their pleasure in impact play and communication (detailed and specific!) between you to find what feeds you both, to reassure your husDom, to build Him up. Enjoy the experience, the growth! Revel in it and use it as a springboard to grow farther together!
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Thanks for the great advice subbies!!! I wrote a journal entry today for Sir to read 🙂 We will continue to talk and work through it!
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