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About he Infamous “Subspace”… My Experience (What’s Yours?)
First of all, I will say I stumbled into the whole D/s dynamic to begin with, and nothing I had previously considered! I discovered that my husDom had been exploring the possibility for awhile; he encouraged me to do my own research and see if it was something I would play in. So I did; we started soon after.
Both of us saw discussion about “subspace”; typically, it was described as a euphoric state that happens to the sub after a lot of intense pain in BDSM (this was before we joined here!).
From an online article: “…Subspace could be defined as the warm, fuzzy, nearly-hypnotic physical and psychological feeling that people experience sometimes when they are in the submissive role…usually sparked by the adrenaline and endorphins that are released when engaging in BDSM activities. In intense scenes where pre-negotiated pain is being inflicted on a submissive, subspace is often a release from that pain that leaves the sub euphoric…”
As I do enjoy some pain, but not a huge amount, I didn’t really feel like subspace was something that I would get to, so I never even aspired to it; at that point, I/we just sort of wrote it off.
Let me tell you something about me, too: I lived a good portion of my adult life as a Type A, wanting to control everything; then, 12 years ago, I had a huge spiritual awakening: kundalini openings galore, huge shifts in consciousness, heightened intuition and knowing, and opening to my super sensitivity that I had shut down and protected since I’d been a child. Besides going through it all myself, 10.5 years ago I shifted to professionally dedicate my life to expanded consciousness, helping others to go through the same things I had. This includes meditation, many kinds of energy work, conscious living, intuitive expansion.
Essentially, I went from a control freak Type A to a completely LETTING GO, go-with-the-flow, go-with-guidance, go within person… and I help others to do the same.
Part of why I was really interested in pursuing this D/s dynamic was because it felt like another HUGE level of letting go, in ways I had never imagined. Surrendering my pleasure and the most intimate parts of myself to the person closest to me (as he presented it to me, “I want to own your pleasure…” I think got me wet immediately LOL).
I tell you all of this because… well, what I DIDN’T consider in “writing off subspace” was how hypersensitive I had become by being so in tune with myself.
Back to my stumbling upon it…
I’ve found that I love, love, LOVE bondage (and why I subsequently volunteered to head the Bondage Bunnies group here)! When we had our discussions initially exploring D/s together, I confessed to my husDom that I’ve always wanted so much more of that! He was very much on board, and we jumped right into that exploration.
The first night we did a really intense scene with bondage, my Neo and I were away together for celebration of our anniversary. Being bound, he teased and teased and teased… yes, spanking, but nothing heavy, tight nipple clips, anal plug in and out (and other anal play), wands, fingers… I was told not to even move in any way I could unless he allowed it. He would push me, hurt me a little, arouse me a LOT, edge me, fuck me, suck me, have me suck him, edge me some more, yet not allow me to cum… alternating sensations throughout my physical body for quite an extended period of time.
At some point, I was begging him to let me cum. I was so overwhelmed in arousal… I felt like I was going to explode.
When I was finally allowed to cum… there was such a release somewhere so deep inside of me that it was like pushing through many layers of inner protection I hadn’t even realized were still there! It was in this raw, pure part of me that I really hadn’t access much. When that huge, huge release came through, I found myself fighting it energetically, on the inside. So I started laughing… and I started crying… then laughing, crying, laughing, crying… pretty hysterically for a good amount of time: Enough time and so intensely that my Neo just sat in front of me, and I remember looking at him through the tears, thinking, “He’s freaked out right now… he thinks he’s broken me…”
Then I finally just let go, exhausted of the inner fight… and that’s when I happened upon subspace.
It freaked Neo out a little more, as all I did was lay there, unmoving and staring into space on the bed as he unbound me, did aftercare. I was aware of what he was doing, but it was like I was watching from a hundred miles away. Everything felt so very peaceful and free. Even my mind, somewhere in there, was asking, “What the heck is happening?” and I thought, “It’s all good… whatever this is…”
I remember he kept asking me if I was OK… and I just looked at him and nodded. No words for awhile. I do think at some point I asked HIM, “Are YOU ok?” And he looked very puzzled!
As I eventually eased back… I was still quite blissful, but exhausted and shivery cold (as I’ve learned is part of my sub-drop afterward, so he keeps warm fuzzy blankets available nearby!), and snuggled up to him. That’s when it occurred to me, and I said to him, “I think this is/was subspace…” That eased his worry a bit, but it had been quite the shock to both of us! I think I posted in the middle of the night here asking about it… it was so surreal!
The second time it happened, I fought it for a few moments – felt the laugh/cry there – and then I consciously thought, LET GO. And it was much easier…
After that, it’s simply been consciously letting the gates stay open to ALLOW for it.
Thus far, I’ve found that I get to subspace when we do bondage. Not every time we do bondage… but most times we do. I think it’s because of the feeling of complete submission, complete surrender of control to someone else, to a point where since I can’t DO anything but submit – I can’t touch or do, but simply be touched and be done to – I simply turn off my mind and allow the FEELINGS, physical and non-physical. He does like to extend it out, tease me, pinch, spank, pull at me, play with me, arouse me, really, really give me a huge range of sensations until it overwhelms my system and that tsunami of endorphins kick in.
My Sir absolutely loves seeing me this way. He loves knowing how he’s known me for the past 29 years, how much I’ve changed, and it gives him a lot of pleasure to know he helps me get there… in such an awesome and fun way for both of us!
I’m sure this is as unique for everyone as it’s similar. As with all of this D/s-M thing, including orgasms, play, and the whole dynamic, different things “do it for us.” So, I’m sure not everyone “happens” upon it like we did! Neo never had that as his intention (and still doesn’t, just knows when it tends to happen, so he recognizes it)… he just loves to play and tease, and it just worked out! As I tell everyone about their own journey in consciousness with what I do, everyone’s journey is their own; no one’s is better or worse than the other, just perfect for them.
I’m guessing that the more exploration we do, the more pushing we do into previously uncharted territory in the D/s-M dynamic, the more we find those triggers and that doorway. However, underneath it all, I’m sure a good part of it ultimately comes from where we are within to allowing ourselves such release, such bliss, such pleasure in our own right as much as in being the submissive and allowing it at the hands of our husDom.
On my part, I realize the moment that was so important for me was breaking through the resistance to allow access to that deep part within me where that bliss was hiding. Even afterward, I fought through the egoic mind asking, “How can you allow someone to have this much power over you?” Really, it was allowing, trusting, submitting to him as he pushed me to allow myself to access it! I know that with all of my training, with all of my experience, with all of my sensitivities, it still took conscious effort for me to LET GO and ALLOW it (even though I didn’t at the moment know what “it” was)… and it’s an incredible experience of consciousness when I get there. And yes, I love that he loves it; but I really simply LOVE that experience myself! I love that I’ve allowed myself to let go to yet another level of conscious surrender, and to do so with him.
How about you? Please share!
- 4 Replies
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I experience it only with bondage as well I’ve had two experiences and both were identical to yours in the fact I don’t really talk I’m literally in a very calm state and blissfully quiet and content. I absolutely love that. Since I had a major surgery not long ago we have been inching slowly back and hoping to regain that momentum very soon!!!!
Thank you for sharing because I can very much relate to your story and yes that release of feeling like we have to have 5 back up plans can be liberating all in of itself!
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Thankyou for sharing your experience. For me everything centers around letting go and trusting your Sir every step of the way. Letting go completely is so freeing. It opens up so many doors and removes so many barriers.
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So I suspect, but am not entirely certain, that I was able to reach subspace for the first time a couple of nights ago. I had been reading what others said about it, and researching (as I do almost everything), and after talking with LK, I talked to my Sir about it. I was mostly just wanting to reach a new level of my submission to my Sir during sex. I have been having difficulty turning off my mind and concentrating only on my Sir. LK had suggested for my Sir to push me beyond my comfort zone… HARD. And he definitely did. He has been planning this all day, I could tell.
First, let me say that he has a rule that I am not allowed to buy any toys or tools unless I talk to him about it first. He had instructed me buy a couple of new toys he wanted to try, but when I went to checkout, it was cheaper to buy additional merchandise and get free shipping, than to pay for shipping on my order. SO, I added a couple of extra toys….big mistake. He received an email detailing the order and when he got home, he said, You know you were supposed to talk to me before ordering anything else. Yes Sir, I’m sorry. His response…You will be. Oh crap!! Well, back to subspace…
I started the evening like every evening…kneeling on my knees in front of his chair. No talking tonight tho. He raised me up to stand at the foot of our bed where he placed my collar and wrist cuffs on. He then attached the leash to my collar behind my neck and threaded it thru my legs, and attached my cuffs to the other end. The leash was tight against all my sensitive nether bits, especially when he then bent me over the end of the bed and began spanking me with no warm up. Holy crap, is his hand hard sometimes!! He spanked and spanked until I was cumming up on my toes. O almost said yellow a couple of times. He would occasionally stand me up and pull my head back by my hair, while kissing my face and lips. Then he would push me back down and spank more, eventually adding the crop and then the flogger. He asked me, Are you going to talk to me next time? And of course I said Yes Sir! I’m sorry!!
He then inserted my vibrating butt plug and continued with the flogging. My butt was stinging so bad, but the pain was turning to pleasure by that time. When he told me to get on the edge of the bed on my hands and knees, he had to help me into position after releasing the leash. He told me to lower my chest to the bed and stick up my ass….which I was able to do. Then he placed a dildo in my vagina, while the plug was still in place, and then he would alternate teasing me with the dual penetration and then with the wand. I was eventually begging to cum. When he let me, it was like a dam exploding. All the sexual tension and pent up emotion just came bursting out! It was the most intense orgasm I’ve ever had, and I was crying by the end. Not just joyful tears, but soul rending emotional release sobbing tears. It was so cleansing, but it left me a limp puddle…and he wasn’t done. He proceeded to get on the bed and held my head so I could suck him to orgams. It was amazing!!
After, he got me some water, helped me sit to drink, and then held me while I recovered. When I was finally able to talk, I thanked him even though that seemed inadequate, but he just gave me that smile that is only for me, and said, I guess I’m getting better at this. Lol….I then started laughing hysterically and said, I think you can definitely say that!! I love you Sir!! Now I have some beautiful badges of honor, and a pretty tender backside! I couldn’t be happier!
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Awesome… and VERY hot, SB! Yep, it’s “pushing beyond” for sure… and the explosion!!!
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