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A journey of self discovery…
We found D/s-M in July, best thing we have ever done! But I don’t think either of expected this journey! We started out in just the bedroom with more play and the dynamic quickly spilled out to the rest of our life. We have had a rough few years, this year was no different. We lost my mom in May, it was rough to say the least, my inner bitch was about all I had left. We almost split up, and started a journey a self discovery. I started doing research on being a better wife, and what that looked like. I didn’t like who I had become. Fast forward to today! We started out with gusto, hit a wall of fear on both parts, worked through that,then got a yeast infection and we both had a cold! Almost an immediate stop to our dynamic, we both started not picking again! Well that came to head and we called downtime. I’m not the most organized person and my Sir is very quick to say it’s ok and let things slide. His vanilla self is too laid back and my vanilla self is too bossy, vanilla hell! I’ve learned through a very recent series of events that a lot of my inner bitch comes out when I’m overwhelmed. I’ve started a daily/weekly list of stuff to do and started writing down what’s in my head, the overwhelmed inner bitch is gone for the most part, it’s a lot of communicating with myself and with Sir to keep it that way! Well arguing with myself to keep her at bay! Part of D/s-M for us is accountability to each other. We have come up with a discipline list if I don’t complete my RL stuff, as well as timers on my phone to limit my game time (total time wasted, but it’s where I head when I’m overwhelmed). We talked about Sir being accountable and his first thought was discipline for him as well…that doesn’t fit the dynamic we have! So in His journey to become more dominate and in control of Himself, we have come up with gentle reminders from me as well as setting up a series of text reminders for Him to stay on track. Letting the little things slide is where we almost fell apart, so being very diligent and mindful of it will help us both grow as individuals and as a couple. I’m so thankful we found D/s-M and this group!
PS really glad for fall to be upon us as it means wearing lots of scarfs!! Oh the possibilities;-)
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4 Replies
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I can sympathize! I don’t get bossy but I “have to know” everything, that’s not submissive and it ruins any suspense which I love! So, I’ve been trying to remind myself to think of my submission. I even made a meme for my Sir that reminds me of S.O.A.P. sugesting that he ask if ‘whatever I’m doing’ goes with my soap. 🙂 I love being able to come on here and chat with outhers who are doing something similar to what we are doing.
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Wow, I feel like I wrote this myself! In vanilla world we are the same, I take over and he just lets things slide. We had a huge cry fest last night and I told him that for our marriage I’ve been the dominant 😳 boy did that give him a different outlook lol. We both cried, he admitted not knowing where to start especially since he hates to read bc he can’t process all that well. We have started journaling together. His for better comprehension and mine for how I’m feeling. I received my official name and one rule today! It’s nice to finally be talking and communicating-not something we were good at in vanilla world. Thank you for sharing your story!!!
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Kanna I hadn’t read the posts about S.O.A.P before you posted! Thanks for mentioning it, I looked it up and OMG I read it to Sir last night, his first comment was you had better memorize it quick!
MyLittle, just the little you wrote about, boy do we ever have a lot in common! My Sir also hates reading, has a hard time with comprehension! I read a lot to Him, its helps if he hears the words instead of reading them! I am getting him a subscription to Audible to listen to books as well, we already have Scribd.
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SirDK that is a wonderful idea! I will have to look into audible for him. I think the journaling helps for sure except his is called “notes” bc well journaling sounded to girly lol. I offered to read the blogs for him but he felt that I did not need to have that in my head bc I tend to want to top from the bottom. At the moment I skim and send links to keep my interaction to guiding and not toping. It’s very nice to have others to share all this with!
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