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A Different Approach
Hi everyone. I’m not new here but just very much in the background. I’m looking to find out if anyone has taken a different approach to this lifestyle. What I mean is from what I’ve always read more couples start out as bedroom Dominant/submissives and work their way out into the rest of life. My Sir and I have had many many struggles in the bedroom. I think I’ve had a revelation as to why. For my Sir, in particular, he needs to start in respect of the lifestyle where there is less performance pressure. I believe from all our talks that this has been his biggest hang up. We do have dominant/submissive moments in the bedroom but we can’t get to anything formal bc of the pressure it puts on him. We have been working on healing other parts of both our lives, mental and spiritual health. We have uncovered a lot of his issues and pain from his parents and childhood that make him the way he is. I’ve been doing the same work for myself. So now that we are healing these parts of our own identities, I’m wondering if we should start the work on our D/s-m in the casual or routine parts of our life together. And then with that foundation more solid then let it naturally flow into the bedroom. I’m wondering if he will then feel less performance pressure bc of his security in his dominance. My biggest question in this whole long message is has anyone ever taken this approach seeing how it’s a little more backwards from the norm. Thanks for the guidance 💕
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4 Replies
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“had many many struggles in the bedroom”/”where there is less performance pressure”- Hello D-bbg, I have to ask if when you stated these two things, what is his problem in bedroom, ED?
ED is a big issue within many of the midlife couples. If he is having issues in the bedroom, you can reassure him that there are other ways to perform, or other tools he can use as well in the bedroom with you. He is NOT alone. It is hard at first to get used to using a tool instead but many couples find their way and end up very pleased.
For many Dom’s that have issues in the bedroom, You can definitely help him build his DOM-confidence by having rituals you both do outside the bedroom. Just by having your Downtime posture you can help him feel his DOM.
I am not sure if this is what you were asking, but I hope it helps.
HUGS !
lk
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Hi Lk. ED can sometimes happen, but that’s not what I’m really talking about. It’s the set up and putting things together instead of letting the lovemaking flow naturally. Asking him to plan a play time has been too much pressure for him. That’s part of it. I’m asking if going into our D/s-m the other way could help build his confidence that he can carry to the bedroom. Hope that helps clarify. Thanks for responding and I hope you’re doing well.
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You can definitely help him build his DOM-confidence by having rituals you both do outside the bedroom. Just by having your Downtime in the correct posture you can help him feel his DOM. By being submissive to him outside the bedroom and doing the foundations you can most definitely help build him up and subport him so that he may feel more like trying some scenes in the bedroom. The biggest sexual organ is the brain!
Best Wishes!
LK
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Hi Daddy bbg,
I would say you find what works best for your situation. Feeding his Dom with your submission outside the bedroom may boost his confidence in the bedroom. As you work through the things you mentioned I would encourage you to have frequent Downtime sessions and really communicate with each other. Figure out what is working, what is not working, and what you can tweak. And in those sessions, ask for one thing that could be added to the bedroom fun. (It reminds me of the song by Johnny Cash, One Part at a Time.) Building and adding one thing at a time may be less stressful to your Sir. Another thing I highly recommend is his activity on husDom. If he is not actively participating please encourage him to do so. Other husDoms may have had similar feelings or concerns but have overcome them.
Join us in chat and let us know how it is going!
sub-Hugs!
subMarie
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