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A Day to remember…I think
So after a month of obsessing and reading and thinking and journaling I finally got up the nerve to do my FA. I tried my best to plan a two day getaway however hubbys work schedule, my schedule and the babysitters schedule that was not an option 🙁
I finally said to myself “you only need a few hours”…so I planned a sitter for the three kids-the sitter was late and just as I was about to give up she showed up.
So with the kids off elsewhere and confused hehe, hubby came inside..I asked him to sit on the couch with his legs open and eyes shut. He was also very confused lol.
I was freshly bathed, hair and makeup done….I stripped down and knelt between his legs. I had to read from my journal the things I wanted to say because my nerves and embarrassment were at an all time high. I told him many things including how I wanted to be sure he had pride in me and our marriage and how proud of him I was of his increased dominance on his own time over the last 3 weeks. I asked him to formally be my Dom….he said yes without hesitation….then my fear kicked in……I jumped up, said I needed a drink and high tailed it to the kitchen…my face was read and I couldn’t keep from crying. I say to him: ok, you can get up, where do you want to go eat? He started laughing and says “Um you kneel before me naked and you think we are going to eat?” I told him how embarrassed and silly I felt but that I knew if I really wanted to get into this TTWD then I needed to do this as it was important. He kissed me, hugged me and told me to not be embarrassed at all–then he turned me around and smacked my ass until it was red…he instructed me to the bedroom to lay on the bed…then he stood there and admired the color off my skin…We had vanilla with a twist 😉 and went to dinner.
I AM SO HAPPY…also still very embarrassed and silly…I am not sure how to get over that…maybe with time. He expressed to me that he tries to read the articles I post from HusDom but with so many people and kids around he is not quite comfortable. He asked what my two journals I bought were for so I explained my journaling and that the other one was for the foundation stuff so we have a reference.
He seemed very happy…I am hoping that we can slowly move forward using the blog post about starting M-D/s. He is still very worried about the kids, says he can not wait until they are moved out so we can really break through. My next challenge is finding articles and information on how to be in this full time while making him feel comfortable about it. I do feel like he would truly let himself dive into this role if the kids weren’t around lol
My children are 16/15/3—yikes! lol any advice would be appreciated but more than that I feel so proud to have overcome my fear and slightly overcome my embarrassment and dived into my FA. It was not how I expected (damn expectations always to high to reach) however I am at peace and I am eager to start with the next steps……
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7 Replies
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I am on week 3 of this journey as well. I am scared to do my FA. I can’t thank you enough for posting this. There is great comfort in knowing I’m not the only one. I can also see me handling it the exact same way. Lol Congratulations!
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LOL Thank you BGAPRIL! I was a wreck all day…my HusDom works evening to early morning so all day I was running around the house cleaning and fidgeting. I was so antsy! I have a fear of public speaking in general and opening up is not my strong suit…this took tons of work for me. I purposely took a long bath with almond bath salts to help get me in the mindset and calm my nerves (it only helped for a minute lol). I realized very quickly that nothing goes as planned and that if I am going to do this I need to learn to go with the flow..esp in the beginning. I was a little jelly at some of the responses from other HusDom’s in the stories I have read since mine was a basic, yes I will be your Dom. I had to get over that real quick since I know everyone is different and everyone does this at different stages in their dynamic. My hubby has to process things and this happens very slowly…teaching me patience w/o knowing it hahahaha.
I hope yours goes well, please let me know! These ladies and blogs are super super helpful and help me get and maintain my mindset when I feel like I am loosing my submission. I started with journaling for 4 weeks, writing down what this means to me, what I expect, what I would like to accomplish for him. When we have our first downtime I plan on having him read it. I am thinking I will give it another week after that before we start getting into rules/rituals ect. I think setting a name for me (he is MyLord)–works well with the kids because I can say ML and they think its my love. and getting specific clothing will help us both sustain the mindset.
Wow I feel like that was a whole lot of ramble!!!!! I am so glad my post could help ease your mind tho, it was super nerve racking but ended up being Our kinda perfect. 🙂
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My sir and i have been exploring the D/s relationship over the past year well we have been diving deeper into it, previously we would just play in the bedroom. There is so much more to the D/s dynamic, and it really apeals to me. We started to explore more when i briefly expressed my interest in taking it further. He surprised me with new restraints and expressed the willingness to be dominate. I have not done Formal Acceptance yet. I just learned of this. I am nervous and worried that i should have done this sooner. This may sound silly but i worry its too late to do it. I was happy to see that i am not alone in my nerves.
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Hello Lady! IMO I do not think it is to late. ML and I have been mostly bedroom and a little outside (inconsistently) for over a year now. It wasn’t until I was feeling frustrated and trying to find my Sub way that I really started to feel I needed to do my FA. I realized that just talking about it and buying and playing with toys(he went crazy lol and we now have a “box o’ fun”☺️) was not letting him know the deeper side I was craving. I will try and link or find the title to my first forum post for you. The ladies are so helpful and sweet, it may help you. Personally I felt like he “should” already know and that he just wasn’t interested but that was not the case. To me a FA lets your HusDom know the feelings and meaning behind what you want. Otherwise he may just think the bedroom play is enough and you just want a different type of sex. At least all this was in my experience with my hubby. I believe as you read and study on this site you will know when you are ready to do it. It was a nagging and pulling feeling that was so overpowering that I knew it was time.
Welcum!
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Ah I can’t get my link to post on my phone but “Jumping in and leaving HIM behind” is the title if you would like to look it up. And LK’s foundations blog is amazing. I have bookmarked all the blogs under the header on that page of Where to begin.
Hope this helps!
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Thank you Inkd, I am just sitting hear reading and I found your post you are referring to. I am going to do it, but when is a good time i keep asking myself. I need some time to put together what I want to say. I think i will try writing it down first, i know i want more and i think he is willing to be more. I had thought of myself as not a new sub, but as i read through the posts and talk to other i know there is much more that i can learn and be.
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Great question! I spent a good month reading and journaling. I always journaled only for me and it was always rants or when I was mad so doing it for clarity and understand of myself was hard. But, that is what brough me to open up to myself about what I truly wanted and that in turn lead to that nagging feeling that I needed to do it and then I started to put together what I wanted to say. That was so much! I narrowed it down and plan on having Sir read my month long journaling before downtime to give him an even deeper understanding without overwhelming him. Hope that helps!
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