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A Blank Page
So, this “Light Bulb Moment” was actually brought about something one of the subs here said in response to another sub, who was asking for advice. In response to that sub’s post, Pearl stated that as subs we need to focus on our submission, not his dominance. I am sure I have heard all sorts of variations of that advice from many of the wise women on this site, but for some reason…this time, and in that context, it blew my mind. That’s only one excerpt of 2 amazing responses to the post, so I would go back an read it, if you have a chance. It’s under “Could use some advice”
So, this is my train of thought on this. I really, really related to the original poster…having struggled almost daily with feeling bitchy, grumpy, sullen, etc. I could not put my finger on it, and just chalked it up to my DOM’s fault. He isn’t giving me what I need, he isn’t hearing me, he, he, he. I’m sure you can see where that did not get me anywhere.
I took some time to pause and kneel today…to really reflect on the attitude I was struggling with, and what I realized is that I have not fully submitted to him. Physically, yes. Servitude, yes. Mentally? Hold it right there, buddy! I had not given over complete control of my emotions, holding back just enough so I could be angry when I needed that protection, or sad..or hurt, or whatever emotion I could throw at him when I needed it to manipulate the situation to get what I wanted from him. I may have even been just a little resentful of him telling me what to do in the deepest places that I as still holding back from him. You know, “You’re not the boss of me!” was somewhere rearing it’s ugly head. I was perfectly fine with submitting an obeying, as long as I agreed with him, which, fortunately was often. when I didn’t, though, I snatched the power I had given him right back and proceeded to tell him everything he was doing wrong. as I tried to control everything, I reached a point every day where my expectations were not met and the sullen inner bitch came out to make sure her hurt feelings were heard.
What I have learned is this. When he is off his game as a Dom, ( chances are he isn’t and it’s just my perception of the situation), I need to extend grace, as I would want him to extend to me. Dig deeper into submission. Try harder. Be more pleasing. Show respect. Adjust my attitude. I need to focus on my submission, not his Dominance. (Thank you, Pearl!!!)To ,e D/s M is like a pen and a piece of blank paper. My focus now needs to be on being like the paper…. allowing him to write in the details of his Dominance. With each stroke if his pen, a new part of my submission can be expressed. Letter by letter, word by word, we can together express our story. My focus today…. to be a blank page.Each pen stroke becomes a letter, a letter becomes a word, and the next thing you know…there is a beautiful story scrolling across a beautifully decorated page. Tentative at first, the small, awkward attempts of a new writer become more confident, more graceful…strong and sure…more beautiful and easier to read. There may be times we have to cross out some mistakes and re-write them, but that is okay…because that is part of our story, too. As a blank page, I can have no expectations, no old habits, previous knowledge or preconceived notions. Blank. Allow him to write in the details of what my submission looks like to him. As a blank page, I cannot tell the pen what to write, but can only take in the strokes that are offered until the ink settles into the very fiber of my being an becomes a part of me. Alone, I am just a blank page, and he is just a pen, but together we can create something amazing that is as unique as we are individual.
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6 Replies
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Ohhh Jen this is amazing! I love the blank paper analogy. Sometimes I really struggle with not wanting to be the pen but still wanting to dictate what is written and how. Blank page. Love it! Thank you for sharing.
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Thank you, Mrs R. 🙂 I don’t by any means have a grasp on it, but I am trying. 🙂
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“As subs we need to focus on our submission, not his dominance.”
This is why her nickname is Pearl. All those “pearls of wisdom” she hands out! I love this and I need to have that quote tattooed on!!!
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“the sullen inner bitch”… I have/am this… the blank page… I NEED to find this in me, become this… Thank you for sharing this, it was a “page turner” for me 😉
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You’re welcome, charmed. I’m so glad it spoke to you. Thank you for commenting. I forget about these things I have posted in the past, and it is a really nice reminder to bring them to the forefront of my mind again. 🙂
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I love your analogy of blank page Angelica. I struggle with anticipation. I don’t want to be the pen persay but I want to guess the next part of the story first. I have spent much of my time guessing and assuming what Sir would like before he asks. Then being upset that I went to all this work and it wasn’t what he wanted or he just didn’t care. My hurt feelings being my own fault because I didn’t ask him or wait for instruction. I will hold this thought of a blank page while I work on my patience and stillness. Giving Sir time to wield his pen and write our story as he sees fit. Thank you for Sharing your insight.
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