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How much have you changed?
My Sir and I were discussing the dynamic of our new relationship and he expressed a concern that I if I submitted completely to him I wouldn’t be the person he married. Has this come up for anyone else? How much different are you now than when you began your journey?
Littlemouse
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9 Replies
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Gah, I wrote a response to this and it didn’t load. TT_TT Oh well…
My Sir had the same concerns – after all, the media likes to portray BDSM as Master/slave [and with a bad Master and a practically brainwashed slave] rather than a healthy D/s relationship [or even a healthy M/s!]. Considering he loves how sarcastic and headstrong I am, the idea of me becoming a Stepford zombie didn’t appeal to him at all – he had to be reminded that he’s the one who can decide on what is punishable and such. And so he’s started introducing rules slowly. We’re not quite where I want to be yet, but I’d never rush him and we’re coming along nicely.
As for changing… both yes and no. It’s more like… I’m becoming more me. I’m still snide and headstrong but I no longer yell to get my point across, a habit my family had gotten me into. Instead I can communicate the way I actually want to and it feels so much better. I’m getting more confident in my appearance, which was something my Sir always wanted, and I’m procrastinating less [especially about exercise]. It’s more like… the personality traits that make me happy and taking centre stage and the ones that make me unhappy are learning to take a back seat.
I’m sure there’s more going on than that, but it’s the best way for me to put it.
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My Sir and I are a little less then two months into our D/s journey. He also had/has the same worries your Sir has. He didn’t want me to loose who I am because that is who he fell in love with. Similar to Sir’s Succubus we started with a few rules and are adding from there. I am also not where I want to be but I know this lifestyle change can be hard for Sir and it cannot be rushed. My Sir implemented a respectful tone rule. We have two little children and although this is 24/7 for us using Sir in front of my children just isn’t what we want. With that said when the kids are awake I can say what I please as long as my tone is respectful. This allows me to be me without getting myself in trouble. lol.
Three months ago I would have never thought that this is what I wanted but from the moment my Sir asked me I have slowly been becoming the women that I have always wanted to be but have struggled to get there. I have found myself stress free, feeling sexy in my own body and being more healthy with my daily choices. In my opinion I believe your submission is based on the guidelines each of you have put together. Your submission doesn’t mean you loose yourself I believe it means you gain yourself. You learn things about yourself you never knew and you are no longer afraid to explore those things others might questions because you have an open communication with your Sir. What works for us is our “swiss” day. Every Sunday after bedtime Sir and I move into a “Switzerland zone” where I am free to discuss anything that I need to and don’t have to worry to much about whether it will upset him because it is a neutral zone. During this time we also discuss the rules we have if they’re working or need to be changed. I feel this has helped with allowing me to be me without disobeying Sir.
I hope this helps you and your Sir. 🙂
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Thank you girls, I think that’s exactly what my Sir needs to know. Succubus I too am very snide and headstrong, and I know he loves it when I challenge him. But he’s sometimes upset by my delivery. Sotto the respectful tone rule is brilliant, and one thing that you can do in front of your children that is a great example for them too.
I just want everything right away but I must learn patience.
🙂
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You are not alone Little Muis. I to want everything now and I am working on patience as well. I have to remember when Sir is ready he will give me everything I need and so much better then I could ask for! 🙂
Sotto
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I know my Sir also worried about this (we’ve been married 15 years). I have changed greatly in many ways, but I am absolutely still me. I am still a smart ass, I am still stubborn, I still have patience issues. We still laugh and joke and are total goofballs. He is still my best friend that I can talk and vent to.
I am just more ME. I do not have to hide – even if I want to, Sir won’t have it. I am less anxious, more centered, a better wife, a better mom – a better, more authentic version of me. This has brought us much closer – we are connected on a much deeper level. It feels weird to say that because we have always had a very strong, happy relationship. D/s has taken all of that and amplified it.
I haven’t had enough coffee just yet, hope I’ve made some sort of sense.
~shygirl -
What I find is that when entering into this lifestyle/kink/relationship is that it doesn’t change a person totally. Rather it’s an exploration of self and of each other. You don’t change, but you discover more depth to youself and your partner.
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Thank you girls for sharing. I think he’s getting a little more used to the way things are changing for us. And he very much likes that I am not disagreeing with everything he says LOL
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LM, I too want everything now. I want to know all the rules his planned punishments.. things he wishes to do. and typically I hound til I get what I want I am learning patience. and that it is not for me to know but for when he wishes me to. this is so hard. but thank you for the questions. I just want to be his good girl :}
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I’ve changed and it’s all been for the better! I feel stronger, more confident, focused, and much more aware of everything around me. I’ve also been working on many of the things about myself that I didn’t like (all with MG’s guidance). This lifestyle change has made me a happier person.I’ve noticed the change in MG as well. He’s always been a dominant personality, but now it’s grown into something that is beyond anything I could have imagined (but always dreamed about).
I look at the way I feel mentally, emotionally, and physically now compared to 3 months ago and I realize how most of my life I felt like I was simply “existing” and now I truly feel alive. I’m a better partner, lover, and friend to MG. I feel like a better mother to my children. Mostly I just really “feel” and that is the most precious gift MG could have ever given me.
I’ve always had a loving relationship with MG even when we were just friends, but my past was always looking right over my shoulder. This dynamic and the changes it made in MG have given me the clarity to embrace true happiness.
That true happiness for me is my life with MG and I no longer let my past cloud our sunny day.
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