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Strength in submission
BigOne and I are settling into a pretty decent place. I have listened in earnest to the things he has said to me while kneeling for him. he tells me I’m beautiful, I’m his, he’s proud of me. he has worked with me through corrections and rewards to improve my attitude, my service to him, and my general outlook. I have returned to journaling and kneeling, have spent a good deal of time contemplating the things Sir has been teaching me, and digging deep to search for answers to some of the journal prompts LK has posted for December and January. So, last night, when Sir had to miss our daughter’s family dinner because he had to fix some stuff at work…and today, when our plans to spend the day together and have some long-overdue play time was cancelled with the news that he was headed on an unexpected emergency trip to Singapore…and leaving immediately….I was ready. Often I don’t handle news like this well. I panic, I fear the endless decisions, I become annoyed and sullen… all of the things I will have to do while he is gone start swirling in my head and I start to spiral almost immediately…usually. Not today. I knelt before him. I shed a few tears as I expressed my frustration, and then I listened intently to his words. This is what I thought about as I drove the kids to the gym and he headed off to catch his flight:
I am a submissive, a wife, a mother, a child of God. My sir can encourage me in these roles, but the strength and desire to grow and flourish within the responsibilities I have been given comes from within myself. I draw deeply on the strength of my submission when my Sir is away from me, but I still, in his absence, offer all I am to him. My submission is expressed in hundreds of ways as he travels and take care of his home, his finances, his children, his submissive. My submission is continually offered to him…his to accept, hold, shape, guide, appreciate, but the substance of who I am does not come from him. It is mine. Mine to control…mine to develop…mine to use in service and love, mine to perfect, and then to offer to my Sir again. When my Sir and I must be apart, he gives me his trust and his expectations; and I use the lessons he pours into me to cling to his strength, which aligns with my own strength in the freedom I find at being counted his. I am his. His wife, his lover, his submissive. His. He expects me to carry myself with respect, self-control. and dignity when we are apart….to comport myself in a way that honors him and the quiet dominance he exerts over me, even when he is not standing by my side. When I focus on his words,rather than the swirling sea of emotions that threaten to overwhelm, I rise to the challenge. I cast aside the shadows that try to pull me under, and I find myself free to be the submissive he has taught me to be. I am his submissive, his wife, the mother of his children, and a child of God. I am his. I am strong.
This is what real life submission has brought to my life.
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6 Replies
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What a beautiful post!!!!!!!! You have brought me to tears with the outpouring of your heart. Thank you, my friend, for sharing.
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Oh Angelica- thank you for posting this. I needed to hear it. I am struggling right now and you have shared your strength. Son and wife divorcing and it has gotten ugly (no contact- court ordered) and so I am doing a lot with granddaughters. I love it and am blessed to be able to help but it is pulling us (Buck and I) out of our patterns and routines and I don’t like it. I am so not used to the energy a 3 year old has.
You have reminded me of my own responsibility- I can’t do anything about the situation but I can do much about my attitude towards it.
Thank you again
-Huge HugWench XOXO
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Dear Angelica,
Thank you for sharing this post. Your words are so helpful and encouraging. Submrs. are so strong! To be of service takes a huge amount of grace I think. To serve God, Sir, family, and community with joy is very hard work. You do all of those things with a loving heart. I am proud of your story and what it means for all of us as submissive wives.
Warmly,
Belle Soumise -
I can’t express what your post means to me. Thank you…❤️
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Beautiful Angelica. This gave me something to use as a different view on things. Something I really needed to hear right now.
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Thank you for this! I know it’s a few months old, but my Sirs travels have been shortened then extended. This post has settled my mind and heart knowing he stands with me even as he travels.
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