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Intimate Health Issues: SUI, OAB, Dryness, Atrophy, etc
This subject came up again in a private chat, so LK suggested that I write about my experience regarding such intimate issues. The words I write are not intended to gain sympathy – I can have a pity party all on my own on this – it’s more to let you know YOU ARE NOT ALONE with some of your symptoms, and maybe what action you may need to take. I am not a doctor, nor am I any type of expert – this is just MY perception and experience.
Please note, a lot of this is TMI and regards rather intimate aspects of my health, and my relationship with my Sir.
To begin, I’m currently 47 years old. I was diagnosed with the bladder of a 70 year old woman at the age of 44. When my symptoms of severe incontinence and pain hit me all of a sudden my doctor initially thought I had MS. Many dr’s visits, lots of scans & testing led me to a wonderful urologist who immediately took charge and started treating my symptoms. At that time, I was diagnosed with severe SUI (stress urinary incontinence) and OAB (overactive bladder), and possibly IC (interstitial cystitis). My urologist did officially confirm the IC diagnosis last year.
Stress incontinence is something we’re almost all familiar with, especially if you’ve had children. The pelvic floor is never the same after incubating a child. Age & surgery (hysterectomy) can also affect the pelvic floor. However, when you have to wear liners every day, all day, and change them frequently, that’s the time to see your doctor. Coughing, sneezing, bending over – these can trigger episodes. There were times I couldn’t get my panties on quick enough after getting out of the shower.
Overactive bladder can vary. Mostly it is when you go to the bathroom ALL THE TIME, or you have the urge to go all the time. Maybe up to 20 or 30 times a day. Or if you are waking up many times a night. This is not normal. Again, time to go see the doctor.
Having both at the same time, in addition to IC, is devastating. I would frequently have accidents with no provocation. My daughter got familiar with “that look” on my face when I realized I had just wet myself. I ended up just having to stay sitting down, and not be active, which for me is a challenge because of everything I do. It impacted my ability to be so active with my family, with my scouts, and my role in scouting. Flights and road trips are my enemies.
My doctor tried me on several meds to help the OAB, and we have found one that works comfortably. But I still had to deal with the SUI. We did try the collagen injection (placed around the urethra) and found that worked, but it only lasts about 6 to 8 months, so not necessarily a long term solution. I ended up having TVT surgery (sling) last year and have had success with it.
IC is often times called painful bladder syndrome. Think of it as having a uti all the time, and nothing works to ease the pain. It can cause a multitude of symptoms, including painful intercourse. There is no cure for IC. I was in denial for quite a while regarding this diagnosis because I knew enough about it to know how chronic the condition is, and that it doesn’t really get better. My dr. had prescribed me the only med for it, and I was hesitant to take it because of its side effects. We tried alternative therapies, and diet control. I felt things were okay, and didn’t take the med. Recently, however, I started having symptoms, and went back in to see my dr. She insisted I start the Elmiron to preserve my bladder – I need it for the next 30 years, right? So, I’m taking the Elmiron and keeping my fingers crossed it works.
Let’s also now throw in those other issues that as older women we get. I had a hysterectomy when I was 36 due to adenomyosis, and had the removal of my uterus, cervix, and one ovary. My dr. didn’t want me to hit menopause so early unless it was absolutely necessary. Having the decrease in hormones helped in so many ways – no more migraines, better mood stabilization. And woo hoo – no more periods. But what happens as we get older and our hormone levels decrease even more? I ended up suffering from vaginal dryness and atrophy. Ewww. (Yes, I had vaginal dryness even though I was peeing on myself all the time). For so long, I suffered through it, having to use lube liberally for intimacy. I finally broke down in April and saw my gyn for some relief. She has me on an estrogen ring, and my symptoms are so much better. We still need a bit of lube, but things are softer and more “plump”. (omg, did I really just tell you that? yes, yes I did, lol) Intimacy is definitely a lot easier now.
How has this affected my intimacy with my Sir? Prior to our D|s – m, some of these issues weren’t that big of a deal because we really weren’t “together” that often. Sex hurt for me, spontaneous intimacy was not possible. And if he wanted a quickie, I normally didn’t get anything out of it. I couldn’t get aroused easily. We went months without intimacy. (I’m crying as I think back on this). Now that we are intimate a lot more frequently, these issues really became a problem. I really had to communicate with him – what felt good, what hurt. Foreplay is really key. We’ve had to experiment with different lubes. Sometimes it was how gentle or rough he was, or where he was “hitting” inside of me, different positions. And sometimes my bladder would just say no. Yes, we’ve had a time or two of being right in the middle of things, and me just curling into a ball in pain. There were lots of tears, lots of stressful days & nights. Even with the best of planning, getting the kids out of the house, hoping for some playtime, and getting right down to it –to have to stop. We’ve both had to deal with lots of frustration. There were times where we just had to wait while I recovered from surgery, procedures, or flare ups. He has been so very patient, and so supportive – I do what I can for him.
So, why share this with you?
If you are suffering any of these symptoms, know YOU ARE NOT ALONE. A lot of us suffer in silence. We think this is too embarrassing. I’ll tell you, though, there’s nothing more comforting than seeing the look of compassion from a dear friend. Or reading her words on chat.
If you are suffering any symptoms, please go see your doctor. There really are some wonderful therapies that can help, both holistic and traditional medicine.
If you are suffering any symptoms, you need to take care of you. We are so busy with families, work, events, etc. We often put ourselves, our health, on the back burner. Just don’t. If we don’t take care of ourselves, we cannot take care of others.
If you are suffering any symptoms, you need to communicate with your Sir, trust him. He needs to know. He will want to help. Turn to him – count on him. Let him hold you.
Having a chronic condition does not need to keep you from your D|s – m. It just requires a bit of understanding and patience, and exploring what works for you and your Sir.
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3 Replies
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Thank you for sharing your story. You are an inspiration to us all!
So many times we subbies put our health on the back burner. We owe it to our HusDoms and our families to be as healthy as possible. Eating right and exercising is an important part of staying healthy. Seeing a healthcare provider is also important. -
Yes Gracie thanks, The doctor that monitors those issues with me is worth her weight in gold.
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One of our ladies here sent me a pm about this, and I’m going to share my response to her…
Please remember to take care of you. I totally get that you may be silent when it comes to these health issues. With the other health issues going on that may impact your D|s – m, it totally makes sense that you wouldn’t want to add another concern to the list of things that can be problematic. Remember, he doesn’t want to hurt you – in that BAD way. And if you don’t communicate to him, he can’t help. He needs to be familiar with your intimate health issues. Sit back and put it on the other foot – what if he were having health issues & didn’t tell you? With guys, some of that stuff can be real serious real quick, so you’d want him to share with you. Give him that consideration and respect. Trust him with it. He loves you so very much!
Please remember your foundation at all times: Honesty, Respect, Trust, & Communication.
Your Sir, of all people, should be your confidant and refuge, especially when it comes to your health. He wants you healthy & happy.
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