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One sided?
I feel like I am missing something. So my Dom and I have been working on TTWD for over a month and a half now. We decided to be mainly bedroom. We have little kids at home and a friend of ours is living with us with no end in sight (much to our dismay). Any ways, I had started to make our bed every morning with out prompting or it being a rule of any kind because he likes it so much. I have also started wearing sexy underwear in the evenings after work which he seems to appreciate. He has requested several times that i send him pictures of whatever underwear I am wearing while I am at work which means I am undressing in the bathroom. He has also started tasking me with various things to do during the week. Some of which was journaling but others he asked me to say something specific to him. I struggle the most with those and have tried to tell him how I feel. He wants me to either tell him I am sexy or refer to myself as sexy. I just can’t do it cause I don’t feel I am sexy and it amounts to having me lie to him. I tried to tell him this several times but he doesnt relent. And now I am again facing punishment for again tonight as I did not complete my assigned task. I feel like instead of taking stress from me i have more now than before. I stress over trying to screw up my courage and tell him what he wants to hear. I stress about figuring out which nights I could even do it as vanilla life intrudes all over us. I stress about what I am wearing and which sexy underwear I need to find that I can comfortably wear for the next 12 hours in the off chance he asks that day, of which my supply is hugely limited. I have always allowed him to lead in the bedroom cause nothing would hurt me more than if I tried to initiate something for him to say he is too tired which I would just assume means I am not attractive enough for him to bother with. I feel like i am getting more stress now and have gotten nothing in return. Is it because we are still so new and i will see more soon or am i missing something? Does anyone have any thoughts or advice? Thanks! Terenya
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7 Replies
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Breathe. 🙂
Unless your Sir is a liar, he really does think you are sexy. Believe him.
Maybe he can help you expand your lingerie wardrobe so that meeting his expectations isn’t so stressful.
It does sound like you’re really struggling right now. I’ll be on chat if you want to talk more.
Hugs,
Staci -
Terenya,
I am new to this (about a year) I struggle with self image all the time. I feel fat, unattractive but my Love really believes I am beautiful and sexy. At first i really thought he was not lying but trying to spare my feelings but I found out he really sees me different than I see myself.
I used an exercise to help me, it may work for you. Every time I felt bad or when my love gave me a compliment or a request I said to myself “it doesn’t matter what I think about this, my submission to him is what matters” it took months but it has worked and my feeling about myself while still fragile is a lot better.
He also reminded me that he chose me. Not anyone else and we have been married for 40 years.
Hang in there, you are definitely worth his love and attention
Guinn
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Hi Terenya,
Your struggle is not unique to you and many of us struggled with the same thing. A big part of your Dom’s role is help you see yourself as he see’s you! Many Dom’s use “punishment” when their sub self-deprecates. Let him help you see yourself as he does!
Make sure to read the Blog on the Mirror Scene. That is for sure a foundation building scene that all new couples should do! Highly recommended and should be mandatory. 😉
Good luck and hang in there. We are all beautiful sexy Subs, the trick is learning to feel and own it!Hugs,
Bliss -
Terenya,
I was thinking the same thing as Bliss…read the Mirror scene exercise blog post. We women, are our own worst critics and though it can be difficult, it is so important to trust that when our Sir says he thinks we are sexy that he REALLY DOES THINK THAT. Don’t be so hard on yourself and honestly, I think that the stress you are feeling should be openly discussed in downtime with your Sir. Hoping the best for you!
Smooches,
V -
Thank you to everyone for your outpouring of support. It reminds me why I loved this community from the start. I needed to get my mindset screwed on correctly again. Much love to you all!!!
Terenya -
Terenya,
You are far from alone in this. I continue to struggle with self-image. D|s has been the only thing that has helped me at all. The one thing I learned is that if your Dom doesn’t want to do something, he won’t do it. So, if he does something or asks you to do something then he must really like it! If he asks you to wear sexy panties and take pictures then he loves the way you look in sexy panties. If he tells you to say your sexy or feel sexy then he loves to hear you say it with confidence. It isn’t a lie, it is his truth and how he feels about you. It’s hard to see ourselves as they do but over time I think it will be easier and I know for me, I am growing in my confidence. You will too! -
Terenya,
I can very much relate to your struggles with self image. Sir and I have dealt with some things that had caused me to question if he found me attractive at all, and I took EVERY opportunity to see rejection in his words, actions, even lack of action where no rejection was intended. I am not going to say I have easy answers, or even that I have mastered this struggle, BUT I will tell you that DT was one of the saving things that has helped me to make progress in this area. Not just the DT itself, but digging deep all he way to the bottom of my subbie heart and telling him straight up when I was feeling insecure, untrusting, worried, rejected, not good enough, etc. I just continue to communicate my honest feelings and trusting him in obedience when he reassures me, tells me I am beautiful, gives me assignments that are hard, tells me how to please him with my body, etc. I have to choose to trust him, and every time I do….it brings me that much closer to actually seeing myself the way he sees me. In any case, you are SO not alone in this insecurity, and we are all here to help you be brave every step of the way.
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