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I think it's finally clicked!
This is really long, but I have to get it out, lol. I really don’t have many people to tell this to since I haven’t confessed to my friends of my secret. I finally broke down and asked my husband to be in a D/s marriage. I’ve brought it up to him in the past but I believe that it wasn’t fully taken seriously due to our personalities in our daytime lives and our marriage. I’ve always been more domineering, while he is much more complacent and go with the flow. So, on Thursday, I signed up here as a premium member and emailed my husband the link for husDOM. He was thankfully home from work that day, so I know he would have read his personal email at some point. So, during our catch up time before bed, he asked me what the site I sent him during the day was for? I looked at him and blurted out “I have a desire, want, fantasy or whatever you call it to have a D/s lifestyle. It’s something that I’m drawn to with you. It’s something I’ve never desired before in any past relationship.” He stayed quiet and said, “I don’t think I could be that way toward you.” I explained the dynamic and how it’s the polar opposite of what you see in the movies; both big screen and adult. That it’s not just callous controlling crazy people or whips and chains, even though the kink is the icing on the cake. It’s about caring, protecting, respecting and preserving what is yours. I explained to him further “Don’t you see that for 8 years I’ve already been submissive to you in one way or another? A majority of everything in my daily life is to please you. I try to be the best wife and mother because it pleases you. I ask you before I do anything because we are one and that pleases you. When we go out just the two of us or with friends, don’t you see I dress how you like, because it pleases you. Every meal during the week is always ‘your favorite’ because it pleases you. I bake something you like every Sunday because it pleases you. I workout 6 days a week to keep my body in shape and take care of myself because it pleases you. I keep my hair shoulder length or longer because it pleases you. I get my toes painted red because you always said red looks great against my pale skin. I’ve always worn sexy pj’s with no underwear because that DEFINITELY pleases you. Can’t you see that my goal has always been to please just you. I’m your biggest cheerleader and fan and hold you in the highest regard next to everything with the exception of God. And you’re much more dominant than you realize. You take care of me and ensure that all my needs are met. You allow me to take time away from my wife and mother role to ensure that I don’t lose myself because you’ve seen me when that happens and you know when I am at my best, I can be the best. And, when life gets really hard and real and curl up on the floor, you curl up next to me and explain everything will be ok.” Wide eyed, he cut me off, laughed and said “ok, ok. Breathe. It’s ok. Your thoughts are normal and valid. But, THIS. THIS is a lot to take in. Let me just absorb it for a bit.” Well, he must have done some reading or even looked on husDOM because yesterday after work his whole demeanor was different. Stronger? Dominant? Confident? It was definitely something out of the norm. So, after putting our daughter to bed, he came to me and said “go in the bedroom, undress and sit next to my side of the bed. Posture straight. Eyes down. Palms up.” I can’t really kneel because I ran track in high school and college, as well as marathons, so my right knee is shot (amazing how he even thought of that). So, like the good sub I would love to be, I do as he says and wait. He comes in sits down and asks if this is what I really want because it could change how our marriage works in either direction (not how we parent. I can’t give up all the control, lol). And I enthusiastically looked at him and said “YES!” He then said, “Posture straight, eyes down and palms up. And, if you want to show your respect to me, you must address me as SIR within this room, while we’re alone, and out of earshot from others. If not, you will be subject to a form of punishment. Again, I’ll ask you, is this what you really want?” And, with my posture straight, eyes down and palms up, I take a small breath and whisper “Yes, Sir.” I could hear the smile slowly spread across his face as he said “Good girl. Now stand up so I can inspect you and tell you what I expect from you.” We still have a long way to go, and some kinks to figure out, but it’s definitely a big step in our journey together. And, I couldn’t be any more excited.
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