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Self-discovery through a "contract"
Sir and I have been discussing since we started down this journey, the need for protocols, rituals and a basic outline for commitment to each other.
So recently we started a shared document online for the framework of our contract with each other.
The contract has become a great way to visualize our wants, needs and Sir’s expectations for me although I have been using a journal. To be honest, I’m the “resident tech” at the home so he and I are about utilizing any forms of communication to keep the flow constantly going between us. Using the contract gave me the “Light bulb” moment of how much more free I feel with Sir as my Dom.
Sir and I are coming to D/s-M from different angles so the contract gave us a meeting place for us to really explore our commitment to each other and the direction we are now taking.
As I was working on the contract from my side as Sir requested, I realized how comfortable I am as Sir’s submissive and open and trusting of Him to have his say over and about me.
Even when writing down what my hard limits, I realized I didn’t have as many as when we first started and though there are some hard limits where I wouldn’t go, at the same time, we both agree to have a time limit to re-visit in light of our willingness to both grow together and as individuals.
For example, Sir has final say if not complete say in what I wear and even in makeup. As I reflected back on me saying “Yes” more so than me saying, “No” to him, I realized how much I was self-limiting myself. Not to mention, I saw areas where I may have been subconsciously topping from bottom or simply being stubborn.
By opening myself up to Sir and putting words down into a more formal contract between us, I discovered many things I thought wouldn’t work for me did actually did work for us and for Sir pleasure, and the real limit wasn’t in the color choice or outfit, for example, but me.
The contract has become a useful tool for us to work together, opens up discussions and have those hard honest moments with each other.
For me, I discovered how much since we started I’m changing.
Sir and I realize we are still new to all of this and we’re not perfect, but by saying no to ourselves or each other, this created walls and boundaries in our relationship together.
Although the contract part was recently started, already we see areas we could work on individually and as a D/s. This is different when Sir and I have alone time, I know Sir is ready to talk as he slaps my thigh and go, “This is us talking” and it’s a signal no holding back, good or bad.
I appreciate when Sir hears something I say I don’t think I can do and he goes, “This is something for me (Sir) to work on you (me as his submissive) to work on” so he and I can grow further in this decision.However with this contract in the works, I feel we are giving ourselves a needed kick and don’t get complacent.
This means making saying yes easier than saying no to him and helping me see what are my own weaknesses to work on with his encouragement and leading.
Plus I am learning there is a difference between me saying I want to be a submissive and being a submissive and seeing exactly where I am going “vanilla” and where I need to work on myself. The biggest thing we have and arre taking for this is we are both learning to take things slow and realize we are still building a foundation so he is given more control and I learn to let go more control.
Oh and the importance for me to verbalize verbalize and did I mention verbalize (lol) to Sir and trust trust and did I say trust (lol) Sir in letting him lead and not “pull at the leash”.
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1 Reply
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Raven, yes! I am so happy to hear this. I am experiencing the same thing as we are developing our rules, rituals, and protocols. Before we started the D|s-M journey, I was quick and easy to say “no” for no reason really at all. Now, I can see we were struggling for power and it was damaging our marriage in and out of the bedroom. As I have accepted and desire for my role to be his submissive, I see how much respect I have from Sir and I do have power only now it is in the capacity I want it. This has been a life-changing experience…in and out of the bedroom.
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