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Accepting back the submissive in me
Hi everyone
I have been a member here since 2016 but I’ve been away from this for a long time now. I had a D-s relationship with my boyfriend at the time but we broke up, so that’s the reason of my absence.
It has been about one year now since we broke up and i haven’t been able to get closer or even think about the D-s world, i guess because it all reminds me of him and of our toxic relationship. Briefly, that toxicity came from the fact that he just wanted someone to listen to his problems and to put on all of his anger with the world, and although he never told me he how he loved me he also never let me go, so since i was madly in love with him, i wanted to believe that the fact of him not wanting me to go away was a sign of his feelings for me. Since the beginning of our relationship that we talked about how curious we both were about the D-s world and we decided to explore it together. Things started going very well but at some point he just used his position as a Dom to shut me out of his life. Every time i questioned why he didn´t talk to me or come to my place he just said: “Because i’m the one making the rules, and you have to obey with no protests”. And months passed by. Fortunately i got the courage to talk to him and tell him i didn’t want to stay in a relationship like that and put an end to it. So i just wanted to give you the context for what i’m going to tell you next.
Since this relationship was the only contact i’ve had with D-s world, i kind of connect both things. Today for the first time since we broke up i was thinking how would it be on my next relationship, am i going to want a D-s relationship? will i need it ? The thing is that on one hand D-s is something that really excites me and turns me on, but on the other hand just of thinking about having another Dom in my life i get instantly uncomfortable and afraid of having someone in my life with the power to be cold and mean to me, to shut me out of his life with the excuse of him being the one in charge. I know that as long as i’m single i shouldn’t be thinking about this, cause i have nothing to worry about, but i would like to “make amends” with the submissive inside me. So i was wondering if you would have some advice or some wise words to help me accepting the submissive in me without panicking or feeling in danger. I’m sorry for the loooong text and for my English, i’m Portuguese so i did my best :p
Thank you a lot for letting me share this complicate feelings 🙂 -
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