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Starting Over
To most starting over may seem like a bad thing. But when it comes to D/s I don’t feel that way. Me and my Sir had started our journey in June before I found this site. When I asked him if he was in there was no emotion behind it. I didn’t really understand what I was asking him for. I didn’t know what I didn’t know yet. About a month or two in I found this site and realized I had been going at things all wrong. I was trying to push him instead of work on myself. But when I got to the foundations page I skimmed over it. Being your typical ready to run sub. As time goes on vanilla continues to happen over and over and over again. I for the life of me can’t figure out why. We have a huge fight and I tell him I’m done I don’t want to be his submissive it’s too much. But that was the anger talking not my true desires. My ego wouldnt let go. I wasn’t doing it no matter how bad I wanted it. After a couple of days he brought D/s and how he missed it even for such a short time. That he felt it has been helping us communicate. I agreed but there was something holding me back. And then he said it “I know you don’t trust me” TRUST. Something once broken can be so hard to earn back. He is my husband. I love him with ever fiber in my being. I want to Trust him. I want our D/s. I want my Dom. How? All I know to do is back track. Start at the beginning. I went back to the blog about foundation and wrote out the 5 key components. And wrote down what I felt my weaknesses were and his. Then I composed my FA. If allowed I will share it later with my Sir’s permission. Within my FA I laid out my biggest flaws for him then followed up with promises of love and devotion. I was so nervous when I put the kid down. I knew we need this but could I do it. I went to him in the bedroom and asked him to sit. He tilted his head with a slight smile and obliged. And I let my heart pour. With my head bowed and tears in his eyes I asked to again be his submissive. He accepted again. This time with more understanding and knowledge of what is expected. After we talked about what I had written concerning our weaknesses in DT. And then some fabulous play Hehe. We needed more cleaning out than either one of us realized when we first started this journey. I am so thankful for LK and Mr.Fox that they have taken the time to share there journey and knowledge to help all of us newbies. And give us a place to cummm and learn in a safe environment. Much love all
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