-
ADD/ADHD support chat
I have noticed on chat that a number of people have mentioned they are ADHD/ADD. I thought it would be great to have a place where we could share our personal struggles with this and how it impacts our D/s-M
-
6 Replies
-
I have only recently been diagnosed, we kinda knew. It impacted heavily on our D/s-M. I couldn’t remember things, I couldn’t complete tasks, Sir did ALOT of the domestic duties-cooking, cleaning, shopping. I just floated around with no clue, I couldn’t manage my time AT ALL. No matter how many times Sir hassled me to do things, to change, to try harder I genuinely couldn’t. We are now understanding how bad my attention impacted so many areas of my life. There was resentment from Sir in the past, but he did a hell of alot. I was emotionally distant and he felt unloved. Which is why he ended up cheating(blowjob) once. That is how we ended up on the path to D/s-M and then seeking professional help for me. Despite what happened I could understand how shit everything had become because of my actions. Although I don’t blame myself I can empathize with how it must have felt when you ask for more off the woman you love and nothing happens, we are talking years here. It caused me to hit rock bottom when I found out(xmas eve2016) BUT the growth since then has been out of this world.
Last week we had the appointment and I was recommended to trial some medication, ritalin. I have 3 kids also diagnosed, 2 also with ASD, the other anxiety with his ADHD, all requiring medication. I need to be on top of my game for them and I truly am not, they suffer. Prior to the appointment Sir and I chose we would give the medication side a trial. At the end of the day we knew nothing would change if I didn’t take that leap, we already had the unofficial diagnosis from ourselves. We were not paying a professional $550 just to be told what we already knew. All our attempts at other options truly hadn’t worked. I had improved a small bit, but nowhere near enough that I was a “functioning adult” in that I felt competent. I felt like a failure because I couldn’t even manage my day to complete the most basic of tasks. This was progress over about 18 months, before I went to Sir some months ago and said something has to give. We/you/the kids/I can’t keep living like this. I had already spoken with our kids psychiatrist over a number of their appointments, he referred me to an adult one, but I did nothing. It was hard enough speaking to him, he ended up suggesting I make an appointment with him, which I did the next day. I trusted him as I had built a relationship with him over 2 and abit years so I think he sensed I was too scared to approach anyone else. I hid everything so well from everyone. Sir came to that appointment, I refused to seek help if Sir didn’t have my back every step of the way. The one job that has always been expected of me is the washing, even that I would be nagged by Sir to actually do it. Many people think I “have it good” with a husband who does so much, but they don’t realize it is that way because things wouldn’t be done.
I was also diagnosed mild ASD, no surprise there for us either. So I started the medication. WE really really had no idea what to expect-our kids have the hyperactivity side, I do not. Im just in a “airy fairy land.” Like imagine ringing your Sir, the seconds it takes to dial and him to answer, usually within a few rings, so we are talking 10-15seconds or so, having no idea what you rung about”I need to tell you something super important”…. “let me guess missy you have forgotten?”, texting, the same deal. forgotten by time you click the messages icon, walking into a room multiple times before you finally remember oh yeah I went in there to do xyz. That is me constantly. My kids forget too, but on a much smaller scale. They have to remind me ALOT. They just know I will forget, it’s not uncommon to remind me the same thing multiple times minutes apart. I’m that BAD. I apologize. It’s ok mummy, we know you will forget so we will help you remember. So you could imagine the challenge it is for me to complete tasks, start tasks, or remember tasks. 13 years on I am so so so incredibly thankful Sir is a good man, he is domesticated and the love he has for me was enough to put up with some really awful times. My kids would have to help me clean in the time before Sir would get home, because I couldn’t manage to do it, take care of them at the same time, etc. My beautiful mother in law who I am very close with is super OCD with cleaning. I always love her home, I always feel embarrassed her seeing our chaos, she has always treated me kindly and with respect despite that. I adore her to the moon and back!
So I started the medication, Psychiatrist said he believed it would also help my anxiety, which I also take medication for. That medication makes me sleepy during the day, reducing my productivity even lower. I am sensitive to medication, so I am actually taking the same dose of ritalin as my 8 year old son! The ritalin has counteracted that so I am alert during the day but tired by the night, but I am sleeping so much better! Tasks I have wanted to do for months I have suddenly been able to slot in time. Sir comes home and he is like huh? where has this woman come from?!?! We expected some kind of change, good or bad, we never in a million years thought it would be such a huge change. I have started to seriously declutter house, donating things, we are getting a skip bin in 2 weeks so we can dump the rest. Sir has wanted this for so long, but I was beyond even trying. It’s actually our kids school holidays right now, a time I dread because my anxiety skyrockets, so they don’t know about the meds, but I had this little conversation with them just a few days in, the boys are aged 8,9,11.
Hey boys how are the holidays going?
Good.
Mum usually gets really stressed in the holidays, so im glad to hear that.
Mum you havent yelled much
Mum you havent told me off
Mum you seem happier, not as stressed
Mum you seem different but i dont know how.
Yeah mum you are just, you dont seem angry so much.Sir has said the same things he has noticed when I get home. We will be telling them all, so far only one of them knows. My sensitive boy who kept asking why I was acting so different. We feel its good them to understand the changes, but we also don’t want to feel like I am creeping around taking medication. We also will be telling their teachers, I’ve stuffed up there with their schooling, one of our sons who is very bright failed a speaking assessment because I just forgot about it and he failed. He is top of the class kind of grades, so I am devastated at myself.
I told Sir I now feel adequate, that I can actually do it. I now think i want to do xyz today and I can then do it.So that’s my story, share yours and we can subport each other! xx
-
Thank you for starting this thread Missy! I can relate to everything you are saying. Myself and my 7 year old daughter are both on vitamin therapy for ADHD. Your Sir should start a “how to deal with an ADHD sub” thread on HusDom. My Sir would have a LOT to say! For us, that’s what D/s has helped with the most. Journaling and downtime are both helping our communication SO MUCH. Thanks again for sharing!
-
Yozakura I will definitely pass on your suggestion to Sir.
Yup totslly agree, D/s-M has helped up so much! Thankyou for your kind words xxx -
Great idea to start a support group on this. I don’t have ADD/ADHD but my Sir has ADD and I find it a bit difficult to understand and may I say trust? Cause he tends to forget a lot. We’re still new to this lifestyle +- 5months. I know and heard it’s gonna be a battle. I understand that, but it just feel sometimes if I’m the one that needs to keep steering the wheel… I’m a stay at home mom… home schooling my own kids 13 10… And yet needs to remind Sir about his responsibilities…
How can I help Sir?
-
Snowbee, Sir has to remind me alot too. Honestly.. that wont change, but find ways to improve it abit.
I can genuinely tell you the person who forgets its frustrating. Ive got a little notebook for my “to do list” anything improtant Sir and our children know it needs to be in there. I still forget alot, but that visual aid helps me. Getting my kids ready for school its not uncommon they remind me the same thing 3-4 times. They understand its just me. Sir gets frustated but again he has learnt to understand its not on purpose. I guess we are finding ways to live with it.
Ive been with Sir for going on 14 years, its been a long process of accepting my limitations and working within my capabilities. Outside of them we guarantee failure. -
Snowbee, the forgetfulness is not intentional. I promise. It sucks.
Log in to reply.