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When there is no control
Our family has been beset upon in the last 9 months with a series of stressful events. Sir has gone through the ringer first with losing his job in January due to the boss wanting to hire a family member, then shortly following his first weeks at his new job in March, Sir went to the doctor with shortness of breath and a routine test triggered a massive heart attack. He was rushed to emergency open heart surgery and had a quadruple bypass at the age of 34. After his return, his new job turned into a new partnership and he has been working to set up his new shop that opened last week. We have fought to stay afloat since he is self-employed and had no disability coverage.
So what to do as a sub in these trying times? I learned that I am just as responsible for lifting up my Sir as he is for protecting and caring for me. I needed to “step up and serve” and submit not only my power, but my needs at times to ensure his care and protection. It’s not ideal and it’s not comfortable, but the return on such risk is worthwhile.
I learned to kneel even if no one told me to, to complete my mantra without reminder, and obey without expectation of consequences. Because Sir needed me. I submitted for him and to him because it was what HE needed during those times. Play time was almost non existent because much of the time, Sir was physically unable to. I learned D/s-M is not about sex. Sex is the chocolate chips in a delicious peanut butter chocolate chip cookie.
These struggles set us back in many ways, but I have grown as a submissive wife. I love Sir dearly and the thought of losing him and having no one to submit to was more than I could bear. Sometimes there is no control to give because life is crazy and out of wack. That’s when I understand that My power lies in serving and in that way, I can still exchange my power. In those moments, his power was to survive, work, and provide for me, and succeeding at those things were how he gave me his power. When there is no control, that is enough.
Our Doms are emotional and human. They need us just as much, maybe more so, as we need them. Submitting is not about getting what I want when I want it and being a pampered princess, though that is wonderful. It is about fulfilling that deep seated need within me to fill HIS deep seated needs. It is about submission in the face of no control.
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4 Replies
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Prix, the love and strength you’ve shown over those months is amazing–both shine through in your words. I wrote “step up and serve” on a note and put it in my monitor as a daily reminder to focus on what I need to do. Your words bring everything into perspective — “the thought of losing him and having no one to submit to.” We are indeed responsible for lifting our Sirs up!
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Well, thanks for almost making me cry, Prix. :p
(((((HUGS)))))
Much love and respect to you for the powerful, beautiful and loving ways in which you’ve handled all of this. And thank you for sharing it with us! You are correct and ON point in so many ways, and you are absolutely correct that serving IS a part of submission. <3
I’ve very grateful to know that he is on the mend and you’re working together to move forward so beautifully! -
You are both too kind. It’s in the trials that we learn the greatest lessons. I love my subbies here and we subport one another through sharing our experiences.
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Great forum post Prix!
I couldn’t agree with you more…it is definitely during the trials that we can learn some of our greatest lessons. One great lesson is that when you feel the whole world is out of your control…you can control you and how you react to it.
Good job lady!
Smooches,
V
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