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Exploring
Hello ladies! A little backstory: I am new to the whole D/s idea and was recently introduced to it by a friend who is in a similar position. I’ve been married for 10 yrs, 1 daughter (1.5 yrs), and have always felt the importance of this dynamic in marriage… outside of the bedroom. But, I was raised to be a strong, independent woman… which I know my Sir appreciated when he married me, but over time I’ve become headstrong, stubborn, and outspoken. We’ve experienced the power struggled a lot and I’ve recently had a few conversations with him that I will start respecting his authority in our home. I cried as I gave him the gift of my submission… but this wasn’t like a formal acceptance, it was just a request that he sees my submission in all areas as a gift and that I trust him to guide us. It hasn’t been easy, but with some tips from this community, I’ve been able to help build up his dominant side and it’s spilled over into the bedroom. We’ve been playing some vanilla-twist and it’s very exciting! In fact, our sex life in the past 2 weeks is better than when we were newlyweds!
Anyway, we are both on the light end of the spectrum… vanilla-kink (some role playing, light bondage, dirty talk). I don’t know how I feel about being spanked and I REALLY don’t know how he’d feel about doing the spanking, but I love this sense of being submissive in all areas of our life together, especially the bedroom. I am very nervous to tell him about this- he is a very morally strong man- and I don’t know if he’d be completely turned off by seeing it all and not want me to venture further. I’ve just been slowly introducing new ideas without him knowing it’s a”thing”.
How can I continue to build this up without full out dumping it on him? I love the advice from this community and I wish he would be involved, but I’m afraid he will think it has to be “all or nothing” (bdsm).
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5 Replies
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Well um hi. D/s doesn’t have to have any kink to it at all and can all the kinky you can think of it. somewhere I can’t remember if it was one of LK’s blog posts I wanna say it was I read to think of it like an ice cream shop. First you get to pick out your ice cream (you can think of this as you D/s relationship) for the base of your Sunday. Do you want a D/s, Daddy Dom little girl, S/m etc type of relationship. Next you can try out different toppings for that Sunday.think of the toppings as all the different kinks there out there. Dont like the sprinkles scrap em off. Like whipped cream and fudge pour some on. Your not building this Sunday alone your building it with your Husdom. So you’ll need to communicate with one another a lot. Sometimes you won’t be sure if you like a topping now and might have to try again, sometimes one of you might like a topping and the other doesn’t. That’s okay just talk with one another. Take it slow as well. Enjoy the path you’re on. Think of it as a hike not a race.
Sir and I sat down and discussed what kinks we were willing to explore and which ones were a nope not ever. We also discussed soft limits. Some of these conversations were several, a few were I need to chew on this info or idea for a day and then we’d discuss again. I made sure to tell my Sir my submission was not just in the bedroom antics as well. I’m not sure if that helps or not but I hope it helps in some small way.
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Hi Sugarnspice,
I’m new here too, but I did want to comment about one thing you said. You mentioned that your Dom is a very moral man. That begs the question, why do you think submitting to your husband is immoral? I can understand that you may be uncomfortable with lifestyle clubs or other public interactions where not everything going on is consistent with your values. My Sir and I are a bit ambivalent about that as well. But I don’t think there is anything immoral about surrendering control to the man that you married.
I was a little nervous about wearing my day collar to church yesterday, but my HusDom wanted me to keep it on. He said if anyone commented, I could tell them it was my Ephesians 5:22 necklace. 😉
I hope you had a nice weekend.
Staci -
I would like to say that I completely agree with Staci. There is nothing inherently immoral about the D/s dynamic. I think honest communication with your husband about your desires is necessary. That is one of the best parts of the D/s dynamic, the absolute need for complete honesty.
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Thank you ladies for your input! I’ve begun to introduce him to the idea on those grounds exactly… it’s how both of us feel marriage should be and it’s been fun to begin exploring it together. He’s really taken to the idea of me being submissive in all areas and loves that I submit to him sexually now as well… no more fight and he gets to be creative!
What I was afraid of was how to introduce these D/s parts of BDSM without scaring him away with the whole of it. He has a very strong stance on pornography, adultery, and I feel he could be turned off by other kinks, but with our discussions we have come to a mutual agreement that what happens between us and the marriage bed are good things and that our BDSM is just that… OURS. We get to explore it to our own likings and “create our sunday” if you know what I mean ? So far so good!!
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SS,
So , glad things are moving good fro you ! a share form Curvey
We are both raised/live as Christians ! I for sure don’t pretend to know the book…but , I will say ….Eve was made so Adam would not be alone…she was created to be his helper, the bring him pleasure 🙂 looking way back …for myself I prefer not to HUNT for our supper, I will be happy to cook, after 20 years of climbing the corporate ladder I tried to live as a CEO by day /but, embrace who I want be, meant to be at night ! a submissive wife ! This is NOT meant to bring religion conflict to the site not allowed. just a heart felt share from Curvey 🙂
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