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Rules
When things are very new, what is a good way to go about establishing rules? Are rules made verbally? How do they evolve as our relationship gets more mature in the lifestyle?
Responses much appreciated. I am struggling with this part! -
6 Replies
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My suggestion is to think about one or two rules you would like. Then after you have these is talk with your Sir. He might also have some ideas. After you’ve discussed them with your Sir start use them. So for example I’m not allowed to call Sir his Dom names when the kids are around. There is a variation I can use if needed but it’s not his formal Dom name.
Another one is I love whiskey. But I can’t have any unless Sir orders it for me or gives me permission. I can only drink as much as he will allow. This is for my own good. As in the past I have over indulge and woke up hang over.
I asked my Sir for the second rule and the first rule was his idea.
I would also suggest not to “test” your Sir and see if his paying attention if your following the rules. This will lead to fighting and make him question if you really want rules.
Instead follow them to a T. Show your Sir you want and need rules.
I hope that helps some. We are slowing making rules as we go.
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Sub_Annie…… as far as rules go, we always suggest to Go Slow! No more than 3 to start. Rules are your perimeter in which your relationship is formed around. Alot of new subs get rules and rituals mixed up so it’s important to understand the difference. Rules are your perimeter, rituals are the ways to keep your mind/body/spirits connected.
So…..now to give you examples. As far as my relationship is concerned, my 3 rules (I still after almost 3 years have only 3) are: 1) no orgasm without permission. 2) ask before having food or drink (this helps me to keep my body and instrument for my Sir. But I am allowed to eat as much fruit and veggies and water as I would like). and 3) respect Sir and our relationship at all times
They are simple rules so I know them off the top of my head, I understand them at all times. Because if you know your rules, then you will know how to live within them and your Sir will know you are wanting this by respecting them. If you have too many rules or too complicated, then it is easy to forget or mess up and your Sir will feel disrespected and you may get frustrated if this will work. If you choose to add rules later or modify them, make sure your original ones are firmly in place so you both work together to create a harmonious dynamic.
I hope this helps! Let me know if you have any more questions!!!!!
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@lds263 Thanks for that comment. Sir and I sat down last night to list out rules and we only had 4. I’m not sure why I thought there should be more, or would be more and so I had a little mental concern with that.
Reading your comment helped me to relax a bit about it and actually be happy with the 4. I think part of me is just afraid of messing up, so I thought the more defined the better.
We are still in the early stages of things right now – but so far so good!
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Sir gave me a list of 14. I told him that the general advice was to start out with only a couple, but honestly they werent any big deal. There were only a couple I would actually even call new “rules”. None are hard to remember or put into effect so it is what it is. I had a couple of my own for him. To each their own and how it works best for y’all. 🙂
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Thank you for the replies. Love the whiskey rule… I have a weakness there as well. ?
I had not given much thought to the ritual aspect. Good point there! Need to do some reading on that.
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I really love all the advice. I only have two rules, and one being very similar to KLB. 1. I have to ask his opinion on food choices.(I gained a lot of weight because of some medication I was on and I’m trying to lose it), and 2. Not pulling out my hair (trichotillomania).
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