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Advice. Letting Go
I am after some advice.
Up until 6mths ago sex was not fun. Sex was just what I did as quickly as possible to satisfy my husband because I didn’t want to have sex. Then he was frustrated one day and was rougher than normal. I loved it. He admitted that he has always held back because he didn’t want to be like his father(DV/abuse). He went away for work and then he came back and he had found husDOM and submrs. A lot of it just clicks for him. I enjoy being submissive but I struggle to let go fully and fall into the scene/moment. I’ve always felt self conscious about letting go. I always hold back.
Any ideas to help me get into the moment more?
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5 Replies
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Well, so practicing more would certainly help. Especially so if you communicate with your Sir about needing help letting go so he can help guide you…
I also hear people recommend blindfolds. We did a blindfold and (sort of) earplugs last night and it did help a bunch…
Are you music people? maybe a strategic music list to help set the mood?
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Alloychar,
WELCUME to submrs ! Great shares MEOWZZZ ….
You mentioned self-self-consious…mmmm is that possible body image baggage ? I fought that in the beginning. I find most females do ! There is a post on a Mirror for sub with Your Sir. You might read it ..or I could be totally of base too ….
I will share …if you can start baby steps …like in total darkness..
LET IT GO …be sexy, brave, LOUD …FLY for your Sir and to please yourself …..You both Deserve it ! Then repeat ….after you rest LOL…then more baby steps candles, low lighting ….I have to remind myself that I am a treasure to my Sir, Im his 10+, trophy wife and thats really all that matters .See you in the Warren , chat ,
Curvey -
I understand what you are saying. Blindfolds help. Music helps. But really I it’s the D/s that leads up to it. My most common thing to say is “I’m not a switch”. I need the build up.
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I love this topic. I am super new to this and just informed my husband that this is what I wanted in our relationship. He just asked me “Are you really ready to be a sub, you don’t exactly like to be told what to do”. Is the reason we women have a hard time letting go, because as women we want everything perfect, per say. I won’t lie, I’m a control freak, OCD, you name it. I have been this way my entire life and do believe that past life experiences have made me this way. So my thoughts are..not only do I want this for us, but maybe all my anxiety and uptightness of perfection will go away if I just learn to LET GO and give it all to him. Submitting to my Sir 100% through communication, respect, trust, etc….Maybe it will change the way I feel on a day to day basis, my household may be ran differently and my relationship will be deeper. I am going to explore this and learn to let go little by little. Stay tuned!
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I’ve had to work with my sir on what I consider proper mood lighting. 😀
I’m a confident person, but still, who doesn’t like proper lighting, which is NOT the brightest, overhead, blaring lights in the room?! It’s also not darkness either. So we use our lamps with softer wattage bulbs, we have a blacklight for mystery, a blindfold helps me when he wants lights shining right on me. I also have to have the air purifier on in our room, b/c if I hear our kids in the least, I’m instantly distracted. Mommy mode comes first!
My sir is really skilled at helping me get settled in, relaxing into the space and moment and then overriding my brain from too many thoughts with lots and lots of sensations.
It’s taken some practice and communication though, as with anything else.
It’s also taken some positive self talk. As well as a lot of positive affirmations from sir. My sir has told me:”I see you as my gorgeous sex goddess, not the uncomfortable with sex, mother of three you see yourself as.” When I tell him my insecurities, he always says something kind, comforting, and uplifting. Give your insecurities to your sir. Thats what this is about!As well as I have to positive self talk often as well. Positive self-image, and the ability to relax are habits you can create with practice. Just like any other habit positive or negative. Practice, practice, practice!
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