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Communication
Hello New Subs!!!!!
I was on vacation with my family and am finally back! It was an amazing time, and I feel so blessed to have spent that time with them…… But now back to reality and my other “family”….all my Subbies!!!!!Ok, so this upcoming weekend I want to ask you about your communication. How effective are you at communicating. Yes, communicating with your Sir/partner, but also communicating with yourself/with your children/with your family/and with your friends. It is something that my Sir is working on with me. I tend to clam up and let others walk all over me. And that is not fair to ME…..Now I am not saying “start saying NO all the time and be selfish”, but I am saying “be true to yourself”. Ask yourself, are you communicating effectively? Are you standing up for yourself? Are you listening to yourself? Are you being Honest in your communication?
Communicating, and being Honest within that communication, will help you and your D/s-M by not pushing anything down that can come bubbling up at a later time. If you are unable to be honest in your communication to a certain person or for a certain event, write it down! get it out on paper! Just get it out. It is unhealthy and unfair to yourself to keep it bottled up. So as you go through this weekend, keep that word in mind….COMMUNICATION.xoxo,
KLB -
5 Replies
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This is an area that I am working on as well. I feel that my communication with Sir is very good. I have made the conscious effort in the last several months to be transparent with him, and it has given him new insights. On the other hand, I struggle communicating with some people in my professional life and one family member. Sir is helping me with this as I share these challenges with him.
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I am new here and just starting out. Communication is the most important thing right now. My husband has been gone a few weeks and in that time I have felt this stirring, maybe even a calling into some version of D/s. So thankful I found this community. Back to communication- I have brought up the general idea of this lifestyle by text just a couple hours ago. (I know text is not the best, but I couldnt wait and I express myself better in writing.) I am excited to say that he agreed instantly! We were able to chat just a bit more and then he will be travelling for 24 hours. He is coming home tomorrow and I am wondering how to best continue the converstion and set things in motion. It is so important that we start well and on a firm foundation. I would be so grateful for any advice on communication at this crucial stage. As a submissive, should I let him take it from here in terms of leading us into it? That seems right, but yet that honesty and transparency is so important too.
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Welcome Tessa!!!! So happy to have you! First, congratulations on taking the first step of introducing this idea to your Sir. Sometimes the scariest part is just admitting to ourselves that we desire this. I encourage you to start out the way we suggest all new subs to start…..read LK’s blog post from the beginning. Follow her journey to better understand the history of this site and how she came to her understanding of a married D/s. I also have a post in her blog (type in KLB in the search bar) that will better explain where I have come from and gives some great links to important posts to help with the very beginning. Here on SubMRS we teach what we call “the foundation”. Honesty, communication, trust and respect. They all work together and must be equal on both sides of the D/s coin to lay a solid foundation. When you begin, ask your Sir to take a look at HusDOM. That is LK’s Sir’s site and explains this all from the Dom perspective. D/s-M is the same relationship you have now, but it helps to define roles, set up a clearly outlined dynamic and helps each side get what they want (Doms get control and decision making. Subs get to feel cherished and explore the freedom in submission).
You asked if you should let him take it from here, and the answer is that right now in the beginning you both are learning and need each other to help learn. It is important to understand that as He is learning, this doesn’t mean he will just get it and you have no hand in helping Him grow. When you read my introduction post it links a very good post by LK about the phases of D/s-m. It explains how you will help guide your new Dom and new relationship in the beginning. So please give that a look over.
When you have a minute please feel free to introduce yourself in the introduction topic on this forum page. We would love to learn more about you! And if you have any other questions don’t hesitate to contact me directly by message. I will do my best to answer you as soon as I can. Hope this all helps!!!!!~KLB
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First – hi Tessa! Good to see you again today 🙂
Regarding communication, we are doing much better at this than we ever have in the past. In addition to downtime (what a great concept…) we are actually chatting after playtime about how it went, checking in during playtime to help each other out, etc. Also, I found that starting a sub journal was helping me get into words what I was thinking. I did have to pretty much hand it to him the first couple of times so that he would truly understand that I intended it as something for him to read too. He was being so polite (it’s a journal, that’s private!) even after I told him it was a communication device. He writes me little notes inline to my comments…
I do have to watch communication in general, to make sure I am not just saying what I think others want to hear. A work in progress “out in the world”
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I have the best communication with my Sir than I have ever had in any relationship and I owe it to his natural ability to know if I’m not being honest with him or myself. Also, there is no intimidation, judgment or fear that I feel from him towards me (even if he is correcting) and this allows me to recognise it in myself; and allows me to be open with communication.
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