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Decision making
So… we have our D/s life and our vanilla life. My Dominant and I actually work together and I’m very opinionated, strong…very much the alpha female at work.
We’ve sort of compartmentalized the three…work, vanilla and D/s. But in my heart, all the time, he’s my Daddy. It’s just a strong bond, it’s everything to me.
So clearly, we can’t bring D/s to work. That would be bad for the company because we both need to function at our highest capacity.. but then there’s our vanilla relationship…
Ever since growing as a Submissive I’ve been more careful with raising my voice or being disrespectful even outside of a session or even in very “vanilla situations” if that even makes sense. The whole thing has made me respect him even more and also inspired me to be a better partner to him. Even if we’re just discussing where to eat lunch…I yield to him. I enjoy that.
I’ve given him the power to have the final say on all decisions in our relationship. He’s given me a voice to share my opinion and an opportunity to be heard.
So what do you do when your very stubborn Dom, goes and makes big decisions without talking with you about it?!
I have to spare details but this man just went and decided something big and already made moves to make it happen and didn’t even ask me what I thought first!!! I absolutely think it’s a bad decision too.
So I want to yell at him… I want to go against his decision by doing my own thing… its so tempting because he has some nerve going and doing that without me. And I give him all the decision making power, it’s easy because i am always heard first. But not this time.
What would you do? How do you handle decision making or vanilla decisions in your relationships?
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5 Replies
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My Sir and I actually work together and own our own Company. We are new (only about a month) into this lifestyle and are also Bedroom only. I feel your point as I see my respect and desire to please him dripping into our vanilla and work life and enjoy that as well. I guess if we can see our submissiveness seeping into our everyday life, it wouldn’t be a surprise to see his dominance seeping over into his everyday life–HOWEVER, he failed by not keeping you in mind and putting your needs into the mix by consulting you.
I think that you are rightfully venting here but that you know the answer. What did you do before this lifestyle when or if this happened? You still have a marriage and a business and you must sit down with him and talk about how and why this decision was made without your input and voice your concerns about the direction that he is taking and the impact upon the family and/or business.
Once that is done and you guys handle the issue and whatever that outcome may be, you still need to address the issue of WHY it happened and how (if at all) your submissiveness contributed to his taking that step without your input.
Again, I am only a month into this and that’s what I would likely do especially since your not 24/7 but I am interested in seeing what those more experienced think.
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Hello, I feel your hurt and frustration, but I’m going to be honest in my reply to your final questions.
Sir and I deccided together that we wanted to structure our dynamic as a “25/7” dynamic, so I don’t differentiate any decision that my Sir makes as vanilla or D/s. I am married to my Sir, so any decision he makes is just that, a decision. That being said, just as in the decision to be “24/7”, my Sir does not make decisions without bringing it to my attention first and letting me have my voice. He understands that in order to make a good decision for us, he needs to know how I feel and what I think about the matter first. There is no way he can make a good, logical decision without all of the important information and if it will affect me or our family; he needs to have my input in order to to make the WISEST decision.
It seems that the decision has already clearly been made and because I do not know the extent of it I can only say to what I would do is…I would ask for downtime IMMEDIATELY. I would hold true to the ritual of downtime and stay respectful to my Sir while at the same time expressing my hurt, anger and frustration in the situation. I would concede to listening to my Sir as to WHY he made the decision without bring it to me and after really hearing him, I would either agree with the decision or continue to express my disagreement of it (always respectful and in mindset) I would have to trust (even if I dislike) that he has made the right decision since I am the one who promised to trust in him with everything in the first place. I can’t have it both ways.
I agree that you should have had the opportunity to know about it before it was decided upon. I agree with the emotions that come with how it happened. Now it’s time to really dig deep in your submission on how to move forward now that it has happened.
One thing I have learned is that with every road block my Sir and I have encountered, the absolute most growth has come from us getting through it TOGETHER. Road blocks are tools for learning and growing…embrace them when they come and see the results when you are past them. Remember, the foundation that LK teaches us for TTWD is HONESTY, COMMUNICATION, TRUST, RESPECT and LOVE. Hold true to this and you can’t go wrong.
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UPDATE –
We talked. I wasn’t nasty or disrespectful. He apologized for making a decision without hearing me out first and promised it won’t happen again.
I was able to express what I felt about the decision and why i feel it’s wrong. I asked him to reconsider and he said no. After hearing me he is still Sure it’s the right decision.
He also said he doesn’t want to discuss it anymore.
I think it is ridiculous because he didn’t even take time to think it over!! Shouldn’t he have slept on it at least?! And can he just “close conversations” like that?
Ugh. I asked for the night off to clear my head. We spend the day together tomorrow and i just don’t know how to be now. How do I get over this? I don’t want to spend the day pouting or worse getting snippy because i think this is SO unfair. He says it’s best for us though.
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How do I get over this? I don’t want to spend the day pouting or worse getting snippy because i think this is SO unfair. He says it’s best for us though.
By trusting your Sir…that is all.
I don’t like or think every decision that my Sir makes is necessarily fair, but I promised to trust him with the responsibility of making those decisions and to respect his final word.Honesty, communication, trust, respect and love.
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Patience is a big key to a any relationship, patience with each other and with ourselves. If you truly want him to be your Dom you need to let him lead, let him learn from his success and his mistakes. Let him take the responsibility for this decision and if it turns out to be the wrong decision continue to show him love, respect, trust; appreciate his effort in trying to do what he feels is best for your family. I’m sure he loves you and wants to do his best for you. And this may turn out to be a great decision. You are strong enough to trust him with this, you can do it.
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