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The smaller things
Hi, I’m new here…this is my first post and I thought a light bulb moment was a good place to start since I had one of those today.
My Dominant who I lovingly and respectfully address as Daddy have been in a relationship for about three years now. The D/s dynamic was something that we learned together over the last two. It has gone from being a part of our relationship to just who we are together. It is amazing.
For several months now I’ve been wanting so much to take it deeper and give over control in many other parts of my daily life. We spend a lot of time apart so this helps me feel connected and reminds me how valuable I am to him. But due to some bad experiences in the past, my Dominant has been very reluctant to do this. I am to blame – long story.
Anyway…part of his argument has been that he doesn’t feel I’m ready to give up control in the way I describe that I want to. To be honest, I have mostly written that off as an excuse on his part. I have been feeling so… unfulfilled with our current arrangement. Where we have sessions and I submit on those days but it isn’t 24/7. I’ve wanted so badly to have that and have thought his saying “I am not ready” is bull.
Well, today I realized something. He asked me to lay out some clothing options so he can pick my outfit for the day. I immediately decided that I didnt want to wear a skirt so I layed out some jeans and cargo pants with tops. I sent him the pictures and just hoped he’d choose one and be happy.
I actually feel so ashamed writing that. I knew well that he loves when I wear skirts and sometimes he chooses pants but I left the option out just hoping he wouldn’t notice.
Well he noticed. I knew I was in trouble when he instructed me to get a dress. I wore a dress today and got a spanking for trying to control the situation.
The “what I will wear” issue is one of the smaller things. It hit me today that I really have a lot to learn if I can’t even be submissive in those smaller things. I cried a lot during my spanking because I realized I have a lot more learning to do and I felt so guilty for trying to be sneaky like that.
I’m so happy to give Daddy my will, my submission. I want it so badly…maybe I’ve been rushing things along or being impatient…maybe I just havent been listening. After my spanking I made sure to tell him the truth about my intentions with the clothes and to say I was sorry. I hardly ever speak after a punishment but I gathered the nerve to say it because I needed him to know how much I really did need that spanking and how thankful I was.
I still want to do 24/7 submission. Do you think I will eventually be ready? Should I just stop pushing the issue and wait for him to tell me I’m ready? How can I work up to this?
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2 Replies
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Hello and welcome Littlegirl1021, It seems all of us submissive want to run Lol! in our D/s M relationship but we need to learn how to walk and be patient. Sometimes our Sir’s see us and know us better than we know and see ourselves. It’s like you knowing your Daddy would have wanted a dress to be one of the chosen options, but you decided not to add it. Lol! Yes and when we mess the pain always hurts us more from the guilt than the punishment we are given because we feel like we disappointed our Sir. You should sit in downtime with your Sir and talk with with your Daddy and explain to him how you feel. Maybe ask your Daddy to add some little things into your daily submission so you feel more fulfilled in pleasing your Daddy. I know you are new to subMrs.com so I will attach some links you should read if you haven’t already that Lk has written in her blog section that may help.
https://submrs.com/downtime-ds-married-lifestyle
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Hi Littlegirl, thank you for sharing your lightbulb moment, this is beautiful. I think it’s wonderful that you admitted your intentions to him and apologized. I think you’ve realized that if you want him to be in control, you need to LET him be in control. Let him guide your relationship. Share your needs, wants, feelings with him at a time when both of you can be focused on each other, and then let him be the one to decide how to meet them.
When we first started my husband saw a lot of this as work for him that only benefitted me. He needed to figure out what he was getting out of it. He needed time to puzzle out how we would serve each other and how to make it rewarding for both of us.
I think D/s takes a lot of patience and hard work from both partners to be successful. Show him how much you want this by following his lead, doing what he says and what you know he would want you to do. Submitting takes practice, and I think all of us are in a continual state of trying to improve our submission. Keep communicating with, listening to, hearing him and you will get there. ??? Beth
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