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play parties
Has anyone been to play parties or been played by someone other than your husband? Sir and I have been married for 20 years and we have been into the lifestyle for a little over a year. We only have vanilla friends and family and none of then would understand so our kink has only been private and something we have never shared. We would both like to have friends that are also in the lifestyle. I would like to meet other couples that I could talk to about things or questions, just someone else to talk to. We have found a group in our area and have been to one of their meetings. It is not a swingers/swappers group but just a BDSM group. The meeting was educational and we met some nice couples. Not everyone in the group is married and not everyone is even in a relationship, some are looking for someone. The group has private play parties in one of the members homes. We are intrigued about attending. The voyeur in Sir likes this idea and the exhibitionist in me also likes it. We are not required to play at the party but can attend and just watch but after several parties people kind of frown on you not playing and only watching. I guess it is ill mannered. It is not uncommon to have someone ask if they could play your partner. Sir and I are very monogamous and do not want to share each other. The thought of Sir playing someone else has me seeing red! Playing does not involve sex at the party most of the time. Another sub mentioned to me at the meeting that they would hope we would try being played and playing others for the experience. Our marriage is most important above every thing else. I would give up all BDSM D/s activities to save my marriage. I am worried that by attending this party I am playing with matches and am just inviting trouble into our marriage. Just what if I/we allow another person to play me and I thoroughly enjoy it? What if it is so exciting that I want to do it again and again? What if it is more exciting than playing with Sir just because it is a stranger? I think Sir would like to attend the party out of curiosity. We have talked and he is willing to not attend if I do not want to, basically he is leaving it up to me. The party is coming up next weekend and we must RSVP so I really need some advice. Has anyone else been to similar parties or has anyone else been played or even had their partner play another person?
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14 Replies
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Hi dolce!
I’ve been to a few play parties a long time ago with a different Dom than my current one. We weren’t married.I did play with other people there and you’re right it doesn’t have to include sex, you still get to choose what you’re willing to do and your Sir as well. You can both decide that before the party. So what if you like playing with another person? It is supposed to be enjoyable and no shame in a consensual play session with another person. New experiences are great! You’ll never know if you don’t try. In my experience, it’s good to connect before and after including another person or playing with others,
That person is sorta like a stranger to you, they can never take the place of your Sir and whoever your Sir might play with will never take your place. It is better if you know the person before, makes it less awkward and more enjoyable. You will also have some sort of trust with that person.
You and your Sir can play at the party together, no need for sharing. Make sure you are both comfortable with whatever you decide to do. It’s important to have fun! It is a party after all. You can do little things like maybe a spank session in a corner together then eventually you will feel more comfortable/adventurous and do more things.
Start small, be comfortable and honest, decide what you are going to do beforehand, establish safe words especially if you decide to include another person, take some risks even if they are little ones and have fun!!
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Thanks Emily!
That makes me feel slightly better. I am still not sure about playing with others but I guess one party can’t hurt! If we don’t like it we don’t have to go back!
dolce -
Well for this party, you guys can just play together. You don’t have to include others just yet if you’re not sure.
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OK..so we are doing it! We have RSVPed and are attending the party. I have been assured by the hostess that we can just go and observe, socialize, and eat. I think I will have a few drinks before I leave my house as i am just a nervous wreck thinking about it! Also, need to go to the sexy store to find an appropriate outfit! I am excited, nervous, and filled with anxiety all at the same time. kind of the way I feel when we are pushing limits or I am anticipating a good play scene with Sir but 100 times more! Wish me luck! Party is Saturday.
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Yays!!!! I hope you and your Sir have a lot of fun!
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Hi, newbie here. Just a few weeks into the lifestyle and learning. Can you expand more on what “Playing” is at these parties? Do you switch partners for spankings, etc?
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SeekingDirection- So the playing we saw at this party was spanking, flogging, whips, paddles, and other types of impact play. We also saw some violet wand use, fire play, and cupping. i believe there was some needle play but we didn’t really watch that as it is not our thing. We saw both female and male subs as well as female and male Doms. We saw people play that were not couples so yes switching partners does happen but i believe it is something that is arranged beforehand. WE did not see any sex or penetration of any kind. We are told that rarely happens. I enjoyed the party and am actually looking forward to going to another one. I was so nervous about going that i had a few drinks before I arrived to help me relax as one of the rules was no alcohol allowed. After being there for awhile and eating, people (mostly subs) starting changing into some sexy outfits. i brought one so i went to the bathroom and changed as well. At first I felt very embarrassed that my ass was hanging out and everyone could see but I could also see the pride in Sir’s eyes as he put his arm around me protectively so I started to relax. We saw lots of fun scenes and I got to watch some things that I have never tried so i looked at it all as educational. It was interesting to see how other subs/Doms interact during play and what types of things subs do to process pain. It was nice talking to other kinksters and meeting people. Only one guy seemed to focus in on me a lot and followed me around a bit but he was very respectful. He asked at one point if I wanted to try some fire play and I told him maybe some other time. Sir and I are considering playing together next time with some rope and impact play but I think it will be a while before we are ready to play with anyone else. Sir and I are both interested in the cupping but would need someone to show Sir how to do it safely and correctly. So that will probably have to involve someone else doing it to me with Sir assisting and watching. Anyway now that I’ve been to one party I think I can attend the next one and skip the pre-party drinks.
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Yay! I’m glad you enjoyed it. It’s good you went as it turned out better than you expected.
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A year ago Sir and I jumped into our local community. We had met a great couple a few times prior and he convinced us to. That took about a year to do. LOL. We are so glad that we did. We have been to several parties and events now. The first party is for sure the scariest. Not knowing what to expect. No matter how much our friends tried to prep us for it. Our first one Sir and I just watched and mingled. Watched the interactions. Learned how to act and what was accepted for scenes. We now look forward to going to them. Especially since the scenes we enjoy doing now we can’t do at home. It’s nice to have the equipment available to us. I have played with others now. But without actual physical touching. Only with impact toys. And Sir is always a part of the scene. The only one allowed to actually touch me. But all that is set up before the scene during the negotiations. Rules are in place before any playing is done. And so far anyone involved has been a friend. No one we didn’t know. But once you get to know people and make friends, they are a lot easier and are really fun.
My favorite so far was what the subs like to call “Whack a sub” or “the human pinata” lol. Sir tied me in a rope harness and suspended me. My sub friends then took turns using impact toys on me. I might be a bit of a masochist. 😀 Sir was there the whole time. He got his in too. A Dom friend was also invited to take a few shots. Ultimately, it was the Dom friend’s Viper’s Tongue that had me orgasming in the end. I was so far into subspace at the end that it took 3 people to get me out of the suspension. I couldn’t function. And with all that happened in that scene, there was no sex and nothing actually touched a sexual part of me. Ok, Sir might have tweaked a nipple or two. LOL. It was all negotiated with Sir prior so everyone knew their limits. And I would do it again in an instant.
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OOOO all Wonderful SHARES…… Its a growing experience ! Four ….we took Nice and SLOW …we are in our second year D/sm He are some of my own shares and what Subs have shard with me …..
BECAREFUL…..hopefully you can find a friend or sponsor
Talk talk Set the RULES DONT change them in the HEAT ! Danger Danger
When you play with a New person …talk talk you have NO IDEA how they play !! Maybe even watch them if you can before !
Talking about sharing and DOING IT is NOT THE SAME ever !! Be HONEST with yourself How are you going to FEEL , Process , seeing your SIR…Orgasming another women ?
Curvey -
Thank you everyone for the information and insight. I have learned so much after being on this site just a week. Thank you for sharing!!
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How did you find your local group? Sir and I have been on fetlife looking for local munches but the ones we have come across don’t make me feel all that safe. I am also really nervous to get involved is this part of DS as we have discussed including others but I am very concerned about the impact it would have on our marriage. I just think it is asking for trouble. I really want to see and learn from how others do things. Sir would like to learn more rope techniques as well and has been looking for local classes. The ones we could find that looked good were 2 hours away.
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We found our group by accident. Sir and I went to a rope class at an Educational Sex Store about 30 min from us. We really liked the teachers. So the next time I saw they were doing a different class, we signed up again. They remembered us. After the 3rd class we took with them they invited us to the Rope group that they host and met once a month.
They are in the local community for many years now. About 45 minutes from us. We met a bunch of great people there and they all attend the same munch and other events. We were invited to those as well. From there we became friends with many of them on FL. So through them we find other events that might be of interest to us. We will usually attend with the friends now. Whether it is an anyone event, or just us subbies getting together.
We have talked about the being comfortable at munches with our group. And hear stories from newbies that they had bad experiences at some. Sometimes is was just a matter of a bad night. And once they went to another one, they had a better experience. The crowd can be different each time. And that first time you are a stranger to them. I know we tell people that are interested in coming to contact the person(s) that host the event ahead of time. Usually they are listed in the event post on FL. That can give you a contact person when you do arrive. Ours are good about introducing you to people once you get there. Instead of just arriving and not knowing where to start. Saying that first “HI” can be difficult.
As for adding others, our mentor gave us the best advice. Be careful on how you handle it. Be sure this is really what you both want. Once you do it, it is something that you cannot undo. And it has helped Sir and I really talk about what we want in the idea of a third.
The classes and learning chances I found where easier to come by once we got to know people. They are a lot more open once they are comfortable with you. The whole privacy thing.
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Oh, and some of our favorite events are 2 hours and sometimes more from us. But we have found that they are worth the trip. Especially if we get to go with friends. While we may have a local group, we have extended “family” all over the state. 😀 So don’t let the distance discourage you from going to an event/class you think you might like. Make a get away trip out of it. You will be thankful that you did. 😉
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