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Oh it’s a …
Oh it’s a …
You gave him your beautiful gift. You gave him your submission. You’re happy and excited to offer it to him but what’s he thinking?
Have you ever received a gift that when you open it you think to yourself what am I going to do with this? You may not even know what it is or have the slightest idea how to use it. So you smile appreciatively and thank the person for the wonderful gift. Maybe you will learn to like it and you might or might not be inclined to take the initiate to learn how to use it. You may decide you want to learn how to use it right away or you think someday I will get around to it. It could be that you only desire to like it because you love and appreciate the person that gave it to you and you see how badly they want you to like and use their gift.
I think that’s what a new Dom or potential Dom must think when they are given this gift unexpectedly. It’s new to him he has to learn and figure out what to do with this gift.
So you wait to see if he will use the gift. You try to let him research and figure it out on his own. You may even jump in and instruct him how to use it. You show him all of the research you have done when deciding upon this gift.
Then you unfairly calculate his love for you based on his desire to learn more about the gift. He watches tv instead. Does he even feel a need to learn how to use it? Maybe he doesn’t see the expectations that are required with receiving this gift. Maybe he does but he is just not sure what they are. Those unknown expectations can be overwhelming.
It was a gift he wasn’t prepared for so expecting him to immediately jump in and figure out how to use it may be too much. But it is such an awesome gift how could he not want to jump in and read the entire manual and figure out how to use the gift to its greatest potential right away?! After all you are. You are searching the internet night and day reading everything, asking anyone you can how to make this the most perfect gift ever. You want him to see it as a precious thing and in return give you his Dominance.
That’s what you want in return his Dominance. He may not know what that is or how to give it and yet you want him to jump in and figure it out so he can give you his best Dominance in return. But he isn’t ready yet. You knew this was coming. He did not. It might take a while because it must be at his speed.
The reality is you gave him an unexpected gift that comes with strings.
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22 Replies
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This is a brilliant post. I think that it will be really helpful to those starting out in a D/s relationship. It is hard to be patient and not become frustrated but your thoughts on how a Dom may feel are helpful in finding those qualities which we need to continue and keep feeding the dynamic. Thank you for posting. mrsW
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This is so perfect, and I wish I’d read something like this when we first started D/s a few months ago. It makes so much sense, and may help calm some of the newbie anxiety many subs feel when just starting out. Thank you for posting!
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This is a wonderful post. It makes so much sense when you put it like that… we’ve given a gift that they don’t know what to do with it just yet…
i know that sometimes i’ve been given gifts from people and have no idea what it is, that i even needed or wanted that gift, nor what to actually do with it, …. but find once i figure out what it is and how to use it, it becomes the best thing any one ever could have given me and is the greatest thing ever. kinda like ‘where have you been all my life, why have i never used this before’
same goes with my gift of submission to my Sir… i hope once he figures out what it is exactly, how to use it properly and that he did in fact want and need it, he’ll look back and think it was the best gift anyone ever could have given him ever.
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This is a great post and analogy.. Lots of people to help and sub port.. and as I type I know that you are getting lots of advise.
Thank you for posting on Forum Friday also.
Sweetness & submrs
xoxox -
What a wonderful post!! Thank you so much for sharing!
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This was so helpful and clarifying. Thank you!
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subtastic post and simple to understand and this will help a lot of the new subs on here. I know how bad you want this and be patient lady he will come around so don’t give up. I know it is frustrating but some men are one dimensional when trying to multi task many things at one time. Not like us women that can juggle many things at once and see the writing on the wall. It takes some men longer to see the whole gift that is offered and what it truly means. What it takes to give that gift but once he figures it out the reward will be will worth it lady. So stay strong in your submission and work hard at it, to be the best you can be lady. Hugs! and we are all here to support you. xoxoxox
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Thanks everyone. I hope it does help someone else. I just kept reading about submission being a gift and I was terrified he wanted the gift receipt. lol
I read it to him this weekend without telling him I wrote it but he said he could tell I did.
Truth is i don’t know even know it’s full potential but we are figuring that out together.
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thank you for putting into words what so many feel in the beginning. Such an amazing analogy! Patience as a sub can be such a tough thing to find and understand. But know as you become more patient it means you are choosing to slow down, wait to meet Him on the road, then you both will walk hand in hand down this dark twisty road of D/s. Instead of running ahead and being two seperate people, you will become one by waiting for each other. Thank you for writing this!
xoxo~KLB -
You have a way with words! What a beautiful way to describe it! I’m very new to this and just started opening up to my husband in a more serious way about my desires. (We actually just talked yesterday evening) He wasn’t thrilled with this ‘gift’ and I too am terrified he will tell me he doesn’t want it…
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Thank you MrsNewbie. Give him time to process it.
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Great post! Thank you for sharing it.
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Oh my gosh, what a great post! I know I am a little late to it, but love that I finally got to it!
I feel like you have been a fly on my wall for the last three months.
Thanks for sharing! -
Oh, thank you so much for writing this post. It had me in tears. It resonated so much with how i have been feeling, petrified that my Sir had opened a Pandora’s box that he was desperate to close. I am learning to be patient and we are making small steps and for that i am filled with joy. I’m so glad to know that my Sir is not the only one to feel nervous and reluctant. Thank you again and wishing you both a wonderful journey together. xx
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Thank you, this is a great thread.
When we first learned about D/s we saw the wonderful way it could spice up our sex life. In my continued reading and research I discovered submission felt very natural to me. I’m a people pleaser. I love pleasing my husband, fetching things for him, helping him with projects, making food that he likes and taking care of and doting on him. I also like following his lead and appreciate his help. I have chronic health problems that cause me fatigue, and when I’m tired I have difficulty with my memory and making decisions. I realized that D/s would give him a way to guide me so I asked for his help planning my day and with motivational support.
He’s always been great a solving problems but he initially saw this as the same problem to solve over and over (he likes to solve a problem and then move on). He felt I was getting all the benefit of his help and direction and except for the bit of bedroom play it was nothing but work for him. It took us a couple of months to find the benefits for him. One of the biggest things it gives him is more control over my health because we developed rules for me to follow that increased his peace of mind. In talking about D/s we found other benefits for him. It took him a little bit to warm up to being a Dom but it’s given him a greater sense of security regarding me and given him another tool to use to keep me protected.
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I am responsible for myself. Not you. I cannot dictate what you do. I cannot command what you do. I cannot control what you do. I cannot rule what you do. I cannot dominate what you do.
I will let you in on my fantasies and desires and I will leave it to you to decide if I am to receive them. I will leave it to you to decide how to go about carrying them out if you so choose. You know I can assist you with resources if you wish. I will help only if you ask.
I am responsible for myself. I will continue to better myself for you.
I will keep perfecting the gift and leave it to you to determine how it is used. For it is your gift and your choice.
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Princess, a heart felt share…..
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I am late to the party here but what a lovely post! x
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Great post!! Trying to see things from Sir’s point is so important! Give him that patience he deserves!! You did an excellent job writing this!!!
HMS -
Thanks 🙂 It is where I was at the time.
Now I realize what a gift He has given me. His love for me shows in His willingness to take this on. I will do all I can to show appreciation for his acceptance of all I have revealed to him this last year.
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