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My journey to submission
I think best when I write or type and I need to think it through…comments are always welcome. I would like to use this thread as kind of journal with input from others if they feel so inclined.
I was raised with the wrong definition of submission. That to be submissive is to be unheard, quiet, not voicing your needs, a doormat so to speak. And I am not a doormat. So I rebelled. I am a woman. and I can do anything that a man can do. I set out to prove to myself. And I think I needed too. I needed to prove to me that I could do what I wanted, that I could be successful and that I could voice my needs without worrying about others. I became successful. So much so that I was attacked by others for my successes. Its when “friends” stab in you in the back that you realize how much you value those who have your back. I think I nearly lost my husband in my quest to prove myself. and again, perhaps I needed that as well. To know that I am capable but just because I can doesn’t always mean that I want to, or should or that it would be a good thing for me to pursue. I needed someone to be an anchor for my strength and to know that I don’t always have to be strong…that it will be okay if Im not. I can be the strong person that I am for the world and to hand it all off and submit…because I can’t be strong all the time. I don’t want to be. For me submission is a gift for me to me to not think, to not worry about motivations…to know that he has my back, I won’t be double crossed, a release of my alpha day personality….I reread this and it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense…Im still working on putting words to my thoughts and feelings…Its kind of a mess but then the past year and a half has been a mess that I wouldn’t wish on anyone…so its okay for everything to be a bit jumbled right now. 🙂
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7 Replies
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Your post actually does make a lot of sense. I think I know where you are coming from. During the day, I am a very successful person. I am recognized in locally, regionally, and nationally in professional organization for my expertise on a variety of topics. I lead two work-related groups and am part of a women’s group that is very much feminist. My strength comes from my submission. It is a notion those not familiar with the lifestyle may find challenging to comprehend. It makes me stronger. I honestly feel liberated. As I told my Sir the other day, I am happiest when I know I have made him happy. It builds my courage and helps me do the things I do in my day life.
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Very well said. I also felt the need to prove myself, professionally and personally. I found that I can do anything I set my mind too. I was proud of myself for all my accomplishments but noticed that I grew “tired”. This was not what I was looking for, something was missing. I have been married quite a while and was always trying to make ” rules”. I guess a part of me felt like if I am in charge I can’t get hurt. This was not working out for me :(. I finally talked to sir and it was a long very emotional exploration of both of our feelings. I am very new to this lifestyle (as is Sir) but each day is so much more refreshing. I feel a deep desire to please him. These feelings consume me in everything I do. I want to honor him by doing well in everything. I know that our journey is just beginning (although we have been married many yrs) but I look forward to each new exciting day and I wish to learn how to give my all in and out of the bedroom. Thank you ladies for all the positive support and advise, I admire how open you all are, as this has always been hard for me. I shall work on that foremost
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I am also new to the lifestyle, as is my Sir. When I first began exploring my desire to submit, I was a little frightened and confused, to be honest. I am a successful, intelligent professional woman, and “submission” is not seen as desirable among my vanilla friends and colleagues. After much soul-searching, what I finally concluded is this – screw it! I’m having so much fun, my marriage is better than it’s ever been, and I feel more confident and complete as a person because I’m living out desires that I had dismissed for many years. Who cares why I like this lifestyle? What’s important is that no one has the right to judge my private life unless I give them that right. For the rest of the world, I will continue to put on my “Wonder Woman” costume – but for my Sir, I’ll wear a collar. And I’ll like it 🙂
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I love reading all your stories, and you are all very empowering. My husband and I had delved into a little D/s for a few years, but only really in the bedroom. I am an intelligent and resourceful woman, and I think we were in a constant power struggle. Though we never fought, there were a lot of unsaid resentments that had built up over the years, and some things happened that saw us heading down the road to divorce. We separated, but were living in the same house, and one night we sort of fell into a D/s scene, probably through sexual frustration, and then we began to heal our relationship through exploring the notions of a living full time in a D/s relationship. It has been just over a month now, and our marriage is better than ever. We now communicate and I am using a journal to write some things in as well. I used to be scared to say how I feel. The journal lets me express myself and we have a rule that Sir cannot get angry with anything that I write in there… I can even call him names if I want ( but I have not had the need to do that yet). My aim is to be his most valuable asset and that I look after him so well, that there would not be another person on this planet that would be better for Him than me. I am striving for perfection, though I know it will never be achieved and will not beat myself up if I’m not perfect, but if I can come close to it, then I will be so proud of myself and it will make me the happiest sub!
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I was also raised with an extremely negative idea of submission. Much of it stems from religion, which my husband and I no longer practice. Because of that, I can relate to your need to prove yourself to be independent, to to anything you want.
My husband and I are also very new to this. We’ve only been doing it for a couple months, and thus far it’s just been in the bedroom. I’ve been thinking a lot about submission and what it would look like as a lifestyle, but I’m just not sure I’m there yet. The last year of our lives have been a chaotic mess, but since we discovered BDSM our marriage and sex life has never been better. The idea of doing D/s as a lifestyle is exciting and terrifying at the same time. It’s really hard for me to view a D/s relationship outside of the bedroom without hearing a pastor’s voice thumping the Bible at me. -
I love all of your stories, comments, etc. Some remind me very much of who I used to be. Controlling, Leader, a need to Prove myself especially when I was younger. How I almost destroyed my marriage by not wanting to let my husband know who I really was down deep. Thank you for this post I really needed to read it.
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Today is day two of my official training with my Sir. We have been married for 3 years and before we started talking about D/s a couple months ago, I was just like you ladies said – I felt like I needed to be so independent and in charge and prove that I could do everything. But it was so stressful to have the world on my shoulders and I was not very good at communicating. So when my Sir and I started discussing the fundamentals of D/s and how important communication and trust were and how I did not need to have those stresses because all that matters is my servitude to my Sir and he will take care of the rest. I still have an amazing career and I am awesome at my job, but at home and in life I know I can let go and serve my Sir. We have better communication and a more solid relationship than we did even a few months ago. I am so excited for this new journey of submission to my Sir.
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