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starting out
D/s and most things bdsm has always been a interest of mine , privately since until now I wasn’t with someone I trusted to venture into it with , and I final talked with my husband about it a week ago and found he was interested as well.
I have been showing him pictures and blogs from here and on husdom hes still a little stand offish and has little to no verbal input in the bedroom . Is there anything I can do to
Help him become more confident ? -
4 Replies
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Kat,
Sounds all too familiar. You’re ready to run he’s ready to crawl…. And that’s ok. There’s a lot of responsibility to be a Husdom. Slow and steady. Then soon his Dom will turn on. However, if he is appearing fumbly, and quiet in the bedroom, I would maybe suggest wearing a blindfold. I feel sometimes it helped my husband knowing I wasn’t watching him. And maybe in downtime share with him that you want direction….what to do with your hands….I think there was a blog sometime ago on husdom on this very subject, but I’m not aloud to go on that site anymore.
Good luck,
Imhis
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Kat, I myself just came out to my husband. After 15 years, this is scary to him. I feel he wonders that what we have grown into isn’t enough any more. He wonders that he may not be able to be the husDom I need. We have had one down time, and one scene. The scene was amazing. Downtime, not so great. I say that because, it didn’t go as I expected. However, he did open up a bit. I can tell he is afraid. Seems like my telling him everything is okay just isn’t reassuring enough. So I have to show him. This has been very hard. I held a bit of a grudge. I thought that he would be interested in D/s, because I was. And now I have to show him more affection than ever. Just to show him how badly I want this.
Our first scene I wrote out. I had bought a new riding crop and wanted to walk him through what I expected him to do with it, and how I expected him to behave toward me while in Dom mode. We scheduled our scene about two weeks prior. When it came right down to the moment, we were both so nervous. When I told him that I had wrote out a scene,I literally saw him relax. From his face to his feet. It was them that I knew that for a while I would need to plan out our scenes. This would tell him exactly what I wanted. There would be no guessing, for him.
We have just barely got our feet wet on the whole D/s. I wouldn’t even go as far too say that I am a sub, or he is my Dom, yet. So I may not be the one to give you great advice. I just know the struggle. It has been hard to get the ball rolling. If I could give one piece of advice, try not to get to fast ahead that you are expecting more than he can comprehend. I did this, and it scared the shit out of him. I have had to just stop, completely. To give him some time to catch up, or just catch his breath. I asked for another downtime this morning. He said yes!
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kat,
The great thing is that he is going to take the journey with you. Perhaps he is just not sure. Would he contact Mr. Fox. My husDom has and his interaction with the husDom guys and Mr. Fox have been invaluable. He is really the one who started discussing this, really it was his initiating but I really want it too. FSOG was an eye opener and I was very intrigued. We started a little on our own and some things were not great. It is still new and not perfect, but since he found husDom and sent me to LK’s site we are taking a step backward to move forward. We are so grateful for this site and the wealth of information and camaraderie it brings to us. Otherwise we would be alone and possibly have already called it quits.
I look forward to seeing further posts about how you progress. It is so awesome to be able to talk and share here, a constant learning experience. -
Im his
I will try thatLizzy
And we are defiantly going slow with itHis little fox
He just signed up for husdom and is on it right now 🙂
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