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Teenage children wanting to be a sub in a D/s relationship
Hi everyone!
I’ve been thinking about this topic a lot these days… What would you or your Sir (or both) do if your teenage child (13 – 18 years old, no sexual experience) stumbled into porn or somehow managed to read FSOG and is now wanting to be a submissive in a D/s relationship?
I know I don’t have kids as yet but this has been a concern of mine for sometime now.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this.
With love from Down Under,
Kitty -
8 Replies
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I forgot to also add that in the scenario, the teenage child is not in a long term relationship and might also have not dated before
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I don’t have a teenager yet so you might get better advice from the other ladies, but our four yr old saw us kissing and tried to kiss my mom on her mouth. We had to tell her that those type of kisses were for when she found her prince. My mom always had open conversations about these things and I knew a lot from the biological standpoint before I got married. I would talk to her abt it openly and answer any questions she had. I would also explain that there is an age and time for everything, and that her studies come first right now.
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I second Arwen’s approach. Be open and honest with any questions that might arise. I’ve got very young children, not teenagers, but we’ve had similar instances where we found my eldest daughter “spanking” her sister because she liked it… They’ve never seen us do anything and probably picked it up from seeing my husband smack my bottom in the kitchen or something, but we still sat them down, asked why the did it and explained that it’s not appropriate.
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Thanks for your input Arwen and Collette! It’s really helpful to know what others would do too 🙂
I guess for me, having just exited the teenage stage and still being surrounded by 3 teenage siblings, I have seen first hand how even with parents saying it’s better to wait before dating or focus on your studies first, teenagers being teenagers just do their own thing (at least the 4 teens in my family did).
So I was wondering, with that in mind, would you counsel your child on what dangers to look out for when sourcing for a Dom online or even in real life? I think it’s a possible precaution to take but inevitably that would mean coming out to your children to a certain extent (which I would be very reluctant to do).
So do we have a responsibility to warn our kids of the safety concerns of looking for a Dom online/in real life even though it means that our kids would know that Mum and Dad are in D/s (without revealing anything sexual of course)? Or should we protect them from the knowledge of their parents’ D/s at the risk of them seeking a Dom on their own naive and without guidance (or in the worst case scenario, with guidance from a bad role model online/in real life)?
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Oooohh…that’s a tough question. I never searched for a Dom and I don’t think I could submit to my husband if he wasn’t a good life partner and earned my trust. We were bf/gf first and no sex until we were married. I am not a big believer in a purely D/s relationship especially for a youngster who doesn’t even like the same clothes from today to tomorrow. I would counsel her to think long-term and find a life partner. I feel D/s is a journey you take together and someone who truly understands you will meet your sexual needs too. I know a lot of others view it differently – as casual scene type encounter, scratching an itch etc. We would never self-identify as D/s to our kid, just like we would never discuss our sex life with her.
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I totally agree Arwen. It would just kill me and Sir if we were put in a position where we had to disclose the D/s to our kid. I guess we’ll have to weight up the benefit-cost ratio when thinking about how to approach the situation. I suppose if my kid showed serious signs of actually looking for a Dom as a way to fulfill what she thinks she wants, we might have to me a sort of mentor in a sense to steer her to the beauty of a Ling term committed vanilla relationship instead of coming out to her. And only revisit the D/s aspect when she has found her lifelong partner if she does have anymore questions about it.
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I raised three teenagers, two of whom were girls. ugh. Would not want to go through it again as it was very nearly my undoing when we were in the throes of it! LOL
However, we have always been open and honest with our children when it comes to sex (and other topics) but in an appropriate manner (as in, we don’t discuss our personal behavior within the context of marriage).
If one our our girls had come to us as a teenager with the D/s question, we would have wanted her to be fully aware of what she was hoping to do and we would have insisted that she educate herself. We also would have discouraged her from going into it too quickly because young teens frequently think they know what they need/want in life but those feelings frequently change faster than today’s pop charts. And searching online for a Dom? I think I’d have had a conniption fit if either of our girls wanted to look online. While there are certainly those who have found success and happy endings with online dating, I would not feel comfortable for a teenager to go that route. There are too many creeps who prey on young, inexperienced kids. Too many risks. *shudder*
I think most teens would benefit more from traditional dating relationships where each party has equality. I see so many girls wrap themselves inside out to please a boy when what they need to is to learn what makes them happy and secure as young women. In becoming a submissive, it takes knowing exactly who you are, what you like, what you don’t like, and it also takes maturity and self awareness. I do not think many teenagers have what they need in place to make that decision. I would also be afraid that if entered into before ready, the potential for long term damage would be too great.
Our youngest daughter is now 27 and quite frankly would greatly benefit from a good Dom. But, as has been stated by a previous post, developing a solid D/s takes time, communication, and trust. She also needs to discover this for herself and hopefully, she will. But when she was 17? Absolutely not.
Well that’s my two cents worth! lol
Interesting topic!
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A very good question Kitty –
and find June’ answer much like my one thoughts about this.
The last thing a teen would want to hear is that she/he isn’t mature enough.
My kids are 14, 17 and 20 and over the years we have talked about anything and everything related to sex and propagation(?) facets of homo- and hetero- sexual activity. They know we know about a lot of stuff… tho we don’t practice 😉
I say this to underline the fact that you can talk to you kids in a matter-of-fact like tone without giving away to much of your own “habits”. You just have to establish a room for an informed discussion. And why do mum and dad know all this stuff? – cause they are enlightened ppl – my dear 🙂 They like to read – the web you know – there’s a lot of crazy stuff out there. They are intelligent enough to read the signs in the pop-culture to see what might surface in the main stream in near future…
I would talk with my teen about where these thoughts came from – what sparked them. If it was FSOG – i’d probably pick those books apart and the Cinderella-dream many girls get hocked on in that category of literature. Fun books but not what should mold a young persons goals in life…Well that became a lot more word than intentional(?)
interesting indeed!Flower
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