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Subbing with Depression
Long time no see, but there’s a reason for that, ha ha.
It just so happens to be the case that I occasionally have depressive episodes. Like, most of the time I’m pretty okay or can keep myself from getting too bad but sometimes there’s nothing you can do about it. Well, I’m having my first depressive episode since starting D/s. I’ve had one while with my Sir before but that was before we started this aspect of our relationship and it was… honestly, it was easier since it happened near the beginning of our relationship and we were both going through a rough patch in our respective lives.
I love being a submissive. I love being his little. I love being spanked, I love being grabbed by the hair and pulled around, I love being bound, I love serving him… But… I don’t feel that love right now. I find no joy in anything in these episodes, not even my submission. Which ends up making me feel worse because I can’t be the submissive my Sir deserves because I simply don’t have the energy or the strength to be. I just feel a total disconnect with everything I am. Before this episode hit I was drawing (and drawing well!) for the first time in ages and was so happy and energetic and looking forward to my holidays. And then all the colour got sucked out. I know I’m supposed to feel all these things – but it’s like I’m sitting in a glass box and everyone keeps telling me to smell the flowers, or taste the food, or jump in the puddles when all those things are on the outside of the box and I can’t touch them and I won’t be able to touch them until whatever divine being decides to open the box and let me play again.
I want to be able to talk to Sir about it but at the same time I don’t want to because I know he’ll try to fix it and it can’t be fixed, it just has to pass, but then he’ll feel like it’s his fault that he can’t fix it. At the same time if I don’t tell him, I don’t want to fake emotions just to keep him in the dark. I know I love him but even now I’m arguing with myself as to whether I’m actually feeling that love and devotion or simply remembering that normally I do feel that way so I’d better not fuck it up for normal me. I’m completely useless sexually, unless Sir suddenly develops a fetish for girls who just want to curl up in bed and tell the world to shut down until she’s ready to deal with it again, ha ha.
It’s… can I even be a submissive when I have this?
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10 Replies
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Sir’s Succubus
don’t give up, hang on in there. You know that this experience is like being a surfer who has to ride the wave as best you can. You may fall, but you have remember to get back on the board to keep riding the next wave that is Depression. Also you do need to communicate with your Sir, who will also need to become educated about depression and that there are chemical triggers that may be caused by stress, changes in medication, loss or gain in weight and a myriad of other things. He needs to understand that the feeling of standing in the glass box is an effect of chemicals in the brain. You need your Sir to be there, and if we need to continue the analogy then he is the second surfer, the one who has to be there in case you get into difficulties – not to ride the wave for you but to help you get on the board and to take you where you need to go. Being educated about Depression he will not feel undermined or doubtful for your love for him, he will try to come to terms with the fact that the chemical changes in your brain acts on your emotional and cognitive pathways.
As for being a Submissive, sexual submission is just one form, as LK will affirm. So there are things you may able to do – Sir may need to masturbate for a while but he can do this by lying between your legs with his head on your tummy while you stroke his shoulders and his hair which will keep you connected even when you’re not fully engaged emotionally.
I would also advise that you and he watch some comedy that you enjoy together. You might not feel like laughing for a while but you might laugh eventually and if you are able to cope with him cuddling you let him do that for a while. I think remembering that you love him even while you’re feeling emotionally absent will help to keep connected. Find ways to keep connected or even new ways to connect – in a way you have an opportunity here. But keep him involved. Please show him this post and both you and he can message me if you like.
Just keep trying to connect to him- faking it until you make it might help and follow all medical advice. Do you know what triggered this episode?
I don’t suffer depression (though I did once when I had a really bad Fibromyalgia flare up – I kept thinking I was to blame) but it is in my family and know many people who do. To be honest I went to Art School and depression is common amongst artists). I haven’t done any drawing for almost 2 years, putting it off and blaming fatigue from going to work everyday,which is mostly true. Artists though don’t have to feel it or believe in it to do drawing – it’d a technical skill we have to keep honing. Just spend 10 minutes a day drawing everything you have in your kitchen. I will do the same as soon as I have unpacked and got rid of the moving boxes, so in a week’s time.
As for being a sub ask your Sir to allocate one task a day, something you would probably have to do anyway like folding his washing or making a coffee and tell him that you have done that for him. You can be submissive in other ways than sexually. Even taking your medication on time or even having a bath every night can be serving him. No punishments.
Keep hanging on in there. Keep in touch. Nothing stays the same way forever. This episode won’t last forever You and he will get through this.
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Sir’s Succubus
I am sorry to hear that you are down in the dumps, I can imagine that it would be very hard to be submissive whilst suffering a bout of depression. Whilst there may be nothing to do to prevent your depression (I assume you have looked into that with professionals) there is always things that Sir could do to help you manage your depression.
I think it is important for you to communicate with your Dom so that he is not only aware of where you are at emotionally but also to give him the opportunity to provide the care and support that most Doms want to give to their submissive.
D/s is not only about domination and submission, it can also be about care, support, a deeper level of communication and most importantly…..love.
I wish you the best on your combined journey.
darlingheart
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SS,
I am so proud of you for opening up and sharing with us. I promise you are not alone. LadyBird has wonderful advise that you should share with your Sir. The only way to get through this is to be open and honest with each other. PM me if need. Hugs! Little Red -
SS I agree with everyone above lady. Keep the faith and hang in there lady. But you need to open up to your Sir so he can help you and understand. I dealt with depression a long time ago and it sucks. But I also know you can work your way out from it by finding the trigger. I didn’t seek medical advice but what I did do is write down the things that happened each time I felt it coming on. People, or things that I may have kept doing, I realized that I needed to change somethings that I was doing or avoid them because they caused a lot of stress and conflict. Once I changed or removed myself from certain people the less depressed I become and those times when it hit was less in the lasting effect. I also needed my husband at that time to help me through it and to regain who I knew I was and wanted to be again. HUGS lady.
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SS,
I know it’s been awhile, I’ve wanted to come and offer encouragement but haven’t for selfish reasons as this post hit pretty close home. I’m on antidepressants have been for a few months, they are a part of my life I’ve been on and off them since I was 18 (almost 10 yrs). I see a psychotherapist twice a month and my Psychiatrist once a month to once every 3/4 months sometimes even once a year depending in how things are going. Our D/s is a little different than most, it has to be to manage my mental health effectively. I hope things are looking brighter for you, being in the hole sucks really sucks. But know that it is possible to sub from the hole, it just might not look exactly how you want it to. Best of luck in your journey lady, feel free to reach out anytime. -
I too deal with depression so I understand when you cannot find the simple joy in life. It is hard to find a positive note when you can barely crawl out of bed and drag yourself to do your work or go to work. I have moments when I cannot get past the pain I feel and even though I know better I just want to make the pain stop no matter how I accomplish it. I think that being a sub is going to help me move when I don’t want to. Don’t give up. Make sure you see a doctor to get guidance and keep Sir in your exercises to get out of your hole. I need my Sir to keep me focused on my role so that I can function and not shut down. D/s is such a blessing for me. My anxiety keeps me frozen from accomplishing things that I am capable of completing, so Sir keeps me comforted and pushes me to stretch. I wish you well and remember that you have a network of people that you can talk to no matter what you are feeling. Do not try to handle this on your own. Reach out to us and definitely to your Sir.
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Dear SS,
I have to agree with the ladies here. I myself deal with depression that can be quite destructive. So I know how hard it is to drag yourself up by your bootstraps when you don’t have the strength or the will to even reach for those bootstraps to start with. I have only one thing to add here. It is highly likely that your Sir isn’t as in the dark as you may think. My Sir knows when I’m about to cycle into an episode before I even realise it is coming. They know, these are not strangers to us after all. It is very hard to talk about depression, especially when you aren’t feeling the effects and you’re in your up cycle, on top of that we don’t want to burden our Sirs with this sort of misery. I find that having a frank discussion with my Sir during the periods when the depression isn’t trying to consume me helps. Understanding goes a long way. Even if we feel that no -one can help us when we are in those slumps (it is the nature of the beast after all – hopelessness), they develop their own ways of coping with it as well as develop ways to support us during the dark hours.
I’m thinking of you and I’m hoping for your strength. Do I think it makes you or me or anyone with depression less of a submissive because we get depressive episodes? No, I do not believe that is the case. Submission comes form a place of incredible strength. The submission is still there because it is a gift you place in your Sir’s hands. During the depressive episode you just cant find the gift wrapping. It doesn’t make it any less there or any less of a gift. Just my two cents on the subject. I wish you strength.
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Dearest SS,
I have suffered from depression my whole life. I have been in the … Dark hole never seeing the light f days. Do what your DR says of course… But, speak up,demand he listens if not maybe try a different one. Ther are Zillion of Rx . Maybe try a different one ! I finally found a DR that listened worked with me on Rx for months …. That was a roller coaster ride !!! But, Boom Bing o jump for joy …. I take a combination Several. My sir calls it my BD cocktail. It has been working ….. I see the light. Joy. And can serve give pleasure to a Sir. My you shatter that glass box sweep it up throw it was soon. Supporting, understand You, BD -
Dear SS,
Just a quick note to join with others. I have suffered from depression for years. Fortunately on medication I’m pretty stable, but off it everything goes grey…
Make sure your Sir knows and understands – he can and will be your rock, the surfer on the jetski, the person who will be there for you when you need him.
HerSubject
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HS, kind thoughts. Thank you. I do take Rx…on a good roll right now. But, the …grey as you call it ….seems to always be creeping around. Sir has battled the demon depression with me … He has carried me to shower because I’m rolled up in a ball on the bed ….frozen. I’m happier than I have been in years, considering less than 6months ago I was about to chunk 25 years of marriage. I have given my self permission to be happy and have a life….make sense lol. Smiles, Curveysub
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