-
The Emotional Meaning of Submission
Hello I’m very new to this, so new to this in fact that I only really started 2 days ago. My Sir had mentioned that he wanted to be a Dom but hasn’t put any thought into it ie done any research and was delighted that I had signed onto this site (and will get around to joining HusDom eventually). We’ve been getting used to me calling him Sir and Master, and him praising me and rewarding me when I’ve been compliant and will probably start Training for real after we move (we’re moving from Canberra to Sydney next week). He needs training as a Dom as much as I need training as a Sub.
After a vanilla session of lovemaking tonight when I burst into tears because I couldn’t orgasm we had a serious discussion about why I wanted to be his Sub. One of my reasons is that I actually find it difficult to surrender to pleasure especially orgasms so sometimes it can take me a long time. I’m hoping that by surrendering control that I will have a more fulfilling time making love and not feel judged because I may need more intense experiences (my ex was disgusted by that). Sometime I feel like I’m a freak.
I also have a habit of putting myself down even when I’m praised or told by my partner (together now for 3 years) that he loves me and am hoping that the change in power dynamic will change the way I feel about myself. The upshot of our discussion was that these things are important to me and that we need to work on theses as a couple.
Am I being realistic in my emotional expectations of becoming a sub? Will Training help me sort out my feelings? Part of me is very scared to let go of control but it hasn’t really got me very far.
-
15 Replies
-
LadyBird, You are never alone. You are always safe to talk here about whatever it is you need to. I hear about this issue more then you would ever think. Most the time its in subs minds in the beginning and not something health wise. Some subs can’t get out of there own heads… You Need to see yourself as he see you. The Mirror Scene on blog will help you with this.. It’s emotional I will warn you… and it will take a few tries to get through it. But it will help you see you as he sees you. When you see you as he does that stuff in your mind holding you back will clear up. Also, if you don’t have a Hitachi wand yet,,Get one ASAP…. its vibrations will help you achieve orgasms that you never thought you would. Sending you hugs and understanding…
LK
-
Lk – thanks for the reminder of the Mirror scene. I’ve been meaning to present it to Sir because like so many others, I don’t see myself the way He sees me and it’s something we are working on.
And have heard many great things about the Hitachi wand… hmmm… might have to add to the wish list 😉
-
-
Hi LadyBird
When I first began fantasizing about being a submissive to my husband it became so much easier to orgasm than while we were making vanilla love. I began to think there was something wrong with me but finally accepted that this was a part of who I am. You have done the hardest thing possible and told him of your feelings and he is now on board, now the real work begins.
It took my Sir sometime before he actively pursued blogs, researched books and sites but it was worth the patience in the end. Without being pushy, I would send him links to videos and articles I liked (men are visual and the videos work really well in keeping their interest) and it soon became an easy link to discuss what we liked/disliked about what we watched or read. This is a great way to keep the D/s fire going while you both take the time to feel your way into your new roles.
We wish we found this site when we first started, it is an excellent resource for both of you and my Sir is getting a lot from the husdom site. On my own I always felt guilty about some of my thoughts (Catholic upbringing!) but listening to the shared voice of the submissives on this site, I feel like a healthy, liberated and powerful woman. And yes, whilst being a submissive I have let go of control, am multi orgasmic and do just fine at squirting……..if you can’t find the Hitachi wand like LK recommended, try the large Lelo massager, they sell them in Fyshwick but are cheaper online……get one, sooooo awesome.
Good luck with your move to Sydney, it is a shame you are moving as I am from your neck of the woods but at least the weather should be a few degrees warmer than here in chilly Canberra.
Enjoy the journey Ladybird, it is well worth the struggle
-
Hi Lady Bird-
You’ll find this is a great group of ladies who are very caring and sharing with their experiences! I’m new too and am finding my way around the emotional powers of submission.Good luck and great meeting you in chat!
june -
Hi LadyBird,
We are new to this as a defined lifestyle as well. Our marriage has been shifting in this direction organically for a few years now. Like so many others here it was that little known trilogy (FSOG) that put a name to what I had been desiring for the past decade. This part of your comment resonates with me so much:
“Part of me is very scared to let go of control but it hasn’t really got me very far.”
I can only tell you that for me (now in the sunset years of my 50’s) letting go of the control has brought me home to ME. I am finding that each time I surrender more of – it the lighter my spirit is and the more joy I have room for. Both of which make my service to my Beloved a thing of beauty.
For me finding D/s was like seeing the exit sign to home after being on a life-long journey filled with detours and hazards.
Best,
Annie-
Hi Annie-
That was beautifully put and completely resonated for me! Loved this…”…letting go of the control has brought me home to ME.” As a member of Club 50, I am SO totally finding truth in that very simple but powerful statement! I am also finding that each act of submission and surrender brings a deeper and deeper trust in my Sir (which baffles me since I have always completely trusted Him) and also a deeper and more powerful connection and love.Thanks for those words… again, they were beautifully expressed and summed up much of what I have been feeling since Sir and I embraced the D/s of our relationship.
Best,
june-
Hi June,
Thank you for the kind words. This is so new and an amazing journey for us so far.
Annie-
You’re so welcome, Annie! And yes, it’s been an extraordinary journey for us as well! I love the light in His eyes when He looks at me in just *that* way 🙂 It’s like being back in the honeymoon stage only with 28 years of wisdom and experience under our belt.
Have a great weekend!
june -
You too, June.
Annie
-
-
-
-
Thanks for all of your kind words. Little Kaninchen I read about the Mirror Scene and am going to buy a full length mirror next week. When you’re a 3XL/4XL like me you don’t spend a lot of time in front of the mirror. I know intellectually that my Sir is attracted to my body but it;s true that I haven’t really accepted that. The one thing in my favour is that I have never hidden my body. I think this should be our first scene together. Annie, June and Darlingheart thank you for warm advice.
Darlingheart we should keep in touch. Do you know about this? http://www.thegatheringsydney.com/index.php It’s in Sydney. You’re welcome to stay over or meet up. Having a face to face friend who embraces this lifestyle is something I would like to have and I am likely to come to Canberra several times a year.
What do you think Little Kaninchen – How does the Sydney event sound to you?
I’ve had a few collywobbles the last day or two but a talk with Lt really helped. I feel confident in my journey to Submission, no matter what I think or fear the future may hold for me. This is right for me.
-
LadyBird,
May I offer a few thoughts/words that have helped me deal with similar feelings this far?There is no weakness in submission. It’s takes incredible strength to kneel. So much so that I have hit many stumbling blocks. The farther I go, the more rewarding it gets, but no one has more control than me. If I chose, I could stop this. My submission is a gift and I have given it to my Sir because he has the strength to command it and protect it. If he stopped being that man, he knows I’m strong enough to take it back. He won’t be perfect. Gods know I won’t. So yes, we will have tough spots and grouchy days, but I trust him with my everything, as I’m sure you do your sir. The hard moments…. The triggers that make us act out or doubt, they make us stronger. Better. You will find that if he gets it he will hold you to your best self. You will be proud to make him proud. Be it because you pressed all of his shirts just so or because you gagged and spluttered with tears streaming until he got off. This is scary because it isn’t easy, but the best things never are. If it’s in you, you’ll never be fully satisfied without it. You are important. You MATTER! You deserve to be satisfied.
One other thing. There is no rush. If you need to rewind a bit, it’s okay. This relationship is built on trust and we each have our own path with our own speed limit. Communication with your sir is imperative in this. If what he asks of you is something you’d rather not do, do it anyway. You signed up! But if it will hurt the way you view this relationship, you must tell him. Your well being is his greatest concern. It’s his responsibility.
Just my two cents. Take it or leave it.
-
This has been a very insightful and touching forum discussion. Thank you all for your sharing your experiences. I relate to much of this so it is great knowing other like minded ladies that can help me along the way. I chose my user name here because I literally discovered “Bliss” when I was 49 and married for 25 years. I think my husdom will soon punish me for all the wasted years of me just ‘tolerating’ sex and not helping him when he so wanted to do anything to please me, but I would go mute. He actually mentioned that he should “spank” me for it, before we even discussed a D/s relationship! (I think he will be a natural) <grin> Pretty much the only way he got a “blowjob” was when I lost a bet. Not anymore, we are happy to say! Not sure what triggered my libido but we are sure glad it did. The little hints of his Dom side through all the years, I am now embracing and was the one to suggest we try a little more. I am sure I will have lots of questions along the way and it is comforting knowing where to go to get input!
-
Since I started this thread I have learnt a lot about my baggage and have either let it go and/or acknowledge that it only has power over me if I let it. Probably one of the most significant things i have learnt is that I distrusted myself the most and that in the end, my ability to sense danger is in fact intact. Things like having difficulties with orgasms contributed to a sense of self-esteem that was already low, from way before my past marriage. The journey thus far has been incredibly emotional. But now I also have some answers to the question I posed. The emotional meaning of submission to me is in fact the full realisation of all aspects of myself and in turn has helped to clarify my beliefs and views, my strengths and weaknesses, my capacity for pleasure and to acknowledge that I naturally want to please the man I love. I think the structure of D/s prevents us submissives from being doormats – we are responsible for communicating what we need and desire, and that includes whether we WANT to be doormats.
Sidenote: we got the wand and tonight I had my first ever multiple orgasm – I couldn’t stop myself from giggling nor my toes from wriggling!
-
Whoohoo LadyBird! Congrats on the success with the want! *happy dance for you* 🙂
xoxox
-
-
Way to go LB! Can’t wait to get mine!
Log in to reply.