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Offdays?
Hello ladies,
My Husband and I are new to this, so we frequently run into questions about how to handle a specific situation the best way.
We have a busy life, with jobs and two small children. Therefore, some days we have a crazy schedule with too many things to do and too little time. I had one of these days the other day, and my Husband had been planning a scene, which he ended up canceling due to my mood. (I was very tired and not in the right mindset).
So we have been talking about how to deal with these situations. How do you deal with the “crazy days”? Are you always in the mood to play/have sex?/Do you always submit? Or do you have offdays? Maybe is it because my mind is not yet completely in the right place? Please give your thoughts and advise.
Another thing, can a sub take initiative to sex? Or is it always the Dom that has to do that?
Looking forward to your replies – thanks in advance 🙂
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9 Replies
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Hello KityCat,
First let me say it is always up to your Dom on play, sex, release…on all aspects of your D/s journey. Remember you are the sub. Your Sir leads you follow!! I’m not saying that us subs don’t manipulate (I hate that word) the situations for our advantage sometimes…but we all do it I believe. Lol! I have been in a 24/7 D/s lifestyle for 8 months with my Sir but we have been together for 33 years married 28 years. I worked for 22 years in management before I retired. I had no child at home for the first 5 months but now my son and family are living with us til May. My Sir works 6 to 7 days a week 10 to 12 hrs a day. Sir has a highly stressful job so there are days that are off for Sir. But back to us now! Lol! All us subs have days that are off because of stress, missing our Sirs or our heads are just not in the right place. When my days are not going great…I will step back or ask my Sir for an hour for myself. I will go and get on my knees in a room by myself and meditate I will clear my mind of all things but my submission and my Sir. I will think about all the things I have with Sir and what I love about my submission nothing else matters at this moment. Or do it taking a nice hot bubble bath! I did this everyday for the first 3 months that it became natural to me. It didn’t work 100% but it was a good 95%. I am a sexual submissive and a masochist. Submission to me is like breathing, its a deep feeling inside you that yearns and burns with fire..it can’t be turned off like a switch. It’s who you are! When you have these days sit and have downtime a couple of times a week with your Sir and communicate to each other about your feelings and his. Your Sir is the leader he controls the atmosphere around you! Schedule your play a week in advance and the day before you play don’t worry about things that didn’t get done do the main things. If it’s not life or death so it isn’t important. Our daily household things will always be there just like bills they never go away. So don’t stress over what you can’t do today because there is always tomorrow. Ask your Sir to make a task list of whats important to do and what can be done another day. This lifestyle isn’t easy…it’s hard work but with communication and patience and trust and understanding its worth every bratty moment and every step back to gain two steps ahead. It’s worth every bump in the road and it’s a beautiful and magical journey. What you going through is normal and you will grow and learn with each bump.
Roadrunner♥
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Lt, so very well said. MG has made a rule on my bubble bath time every day since day one. I use this time to think alone as well. To help me feel better about what I have gotten done in a day instead of what I did NOT get done I keep a list on our bedroom dresser MG adds to my to do list every day plus I have a side as well for things that I know are needing my attention. I find that as I check them off all day as I go, when the “shit’s come up” moments happen and I don’t get it all done I can see that well I have did all this up till this happened. This keeps my days less off. I’m not sure all are this way but I always had a feeling that I did not accomplish enough in a day. The bath time and the list solve both problems for me. I can spend some time on myself and I can see I’m not so busy, I did get things done that day. Just something we have found helps me.
Oh, and I ask for a good old fashioned spanking with the hand “I love MG’s hands, so full of magic” that will set me right fast, best right before a bath imo it stings longer lol. We have kids too so we have a spanking song, then 10 mins of downtime (my head in his lap in total quite), my bath, dressed and good to go! =0) Sets me straight fast!
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Dear Roadrunner,
Thank you very much for your reply. I think meditation (of one form or the other) might be helpful for me. I really feel that my mindset is not in the right place yet..at all. I want it to be, but it is a difficult process going from plain vanilla to this. Even though it is a big wish for me.
It is really helpful for me to read how other people deal with situations etc. I know every couple can form their D/s relationship how they want, but for me, as a beginner, it is essential for me to learn at this moment.
Thanks again 🙂-KittyCat
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I have offdays. It’s normal. We are all human. I am a newbie.. Only 3 months in and I am still working on staying in the mindset. When I am not having a good day I communicate that with Sir and he helps me in whatever way he can. I have also recently started meditating on my submission 5 days a week. The other two days are our maintenance spanking days. The more frequently I get impact of some sort the easier it is to stay in the mindset. It also helps me too to kneel in the presence of Sir whether he is doing schoolwork or just watching tv. In these first few months kneeling has become calming for me.
I hope this helps. 🙂
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Hi Sottomesso,
Thank you for your reply and thought. I think that kneeling might be something I should try a little bit more.. maybe it will help me with my mindset 🙂 Thanks
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I too am pretty new to this but I think we all have off days. Kids and vanilla life do not always play well with a sub mindset. Even in our pre D/s life I found that sometimes giving in to play even when I did not really want it helped to improve my mood and my connection with my husband(or maybe that was just the sub in me letting him have what was his even before we had put that out there). That being said the D/s play is much more intense for the most part. Like the other ladies here I suggest you first talk with your Sir, let him know that you need a little time to get yourself in the right place to be able to play. I find that if my Sir gives me 20 or 30 mins to just get ready and relax before we play I can change my mindset to where I need to be. During that time I may change into whatever he has asked for, maybe sip a glass of wine(obviously be careful about be really intoxicated) and get then into a sub position, kneeling usually and then just concentrate on what we are doing, and why we dare doing this, I think about him and how important this is for me and him. I find a little mantra I recite to myself, it isn’t always even the same but just keep reciting it over and over. By the time he comes in the room I am usually right where I need to be. I hope this helps.
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My Sir and I have had what we call “off” days. Our number two rule is that I am available to him always. He helps me to stay in my mindset. Kneeling and laying my head in his lap while he strokes my hair always helps me. Being collared, spanked, or sitting in my positions helps. I especially like when Sir uses his cane to guide me. We established that every night when we both come home from work we get back into our mindset: our home. The work world calls us to be anything but submissive and the drive home is often a time to start thinking about my Sir. My Daddy is always there for me after a hard day. We found I was having problems sitting in my position: I was figeting and downright not happy to be in my position after sitting at my desk all day. This made my Sir quite unhappy. So we changed it up some. My Sir now has time for me to cuddle up and let the bad day go and find my home with him. Do I always submit? Yes, and if I say no then there are consequences. My Sir helps me get in the right mindset. Our dynamic may differ as I do initiate sex because my Sir wants me to (from time to time). He wants to feel desired. I am a wife, sub, and his little girl all wrapped up..we tried several things to find what works for us to get into our mindset after being out in the vanilla world. now I pretty much just stay there and like sotto i get morning spankings….but yes, it took time. Maybe you can discuss rituals with your Sir? I like the idea of the bubble bath and will try this…thanks little trouble roadrunner…I needed my Sir’s help to stay in my mindset….and he needs mine…
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You are so right Sir’s Darling that we as subs need our Sir’s help to stay in the mindset. And they need ours too. This journey is taken together. Great advice!
♥
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Thank you ladies for your replies. It is very helpful for me to read your experiences and how you deal. It gives me something to reflect upon.
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