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Epic Fail
Im a long time reader but have never posted mainly because I am still learning so much. We made a couple attempts at this and basically starting at the beginning mainly because vanilla life took over. Last Saturday He gave me the best scene of my life…I had feelings I had never experienced before. I was on I guess what you would call a “sub high”…atleast that is how I would describe it. But Monday rolled around and he was back at work and back to life–I felt uneasiness but by last night I completely fell apart. I have no idea what happend to me…..why I was even upset….I still don’t really. I was uber submissive both Monday and Tuesday–perhaps too much too soon? I definitely felt his dominance and control diminish when the wek started but I just don’t understand why I had such a reaction. I couldn’t stop crying last night and couldn’t explain to him what was wrong. I fear I have turned him off now. I don’t even know how to fix this? Anyone else experienced something like this?
Should I have done something different in regard to my submission? Can you be overly submissive too soon? Should he have done something different? All he could do was hold me down until the tears stopped. We’re both new to this and i don’t want to make him think he’s not doing well. I just didnt know what to tell him–I couldn’t even think clearly really. I am normally a very calm person.
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3 Replies
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I too am really new to this and have been experiencing similar reactions to everything. All I can say is I think maybe since I normally am so even toned emotionally that submitting myself is making me experience new feelings I am not so used to feeling.
I will be interested in some more experienced sub responses, but good to know I am not alone in being a sort of train wreck emotionally.
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Secret sub there is no such thing as epic fail! I am in my 8 month in D/s- M with my Sir and it isn’t easy by no means. I can only give you my point of view here…when we start out we think this is everything so we come out of the gates full force. What we don’t realize is that we will take two steps back and one step forward and that submission is a state of mind and an emotional one a feeling deep down inside but it never leaves you. So when you have a sub-tastic play time or scene your body’s chemistry changes where you feel wonderful and high. But when your body’s chemistry balances back to normal you feel lost. Now after a great couple of days one or both of you go back into the vanilla world to work after having a few days of D/s and you get overwhelmed because you are trying to process and adapt so much that its confusing when you don’t know what happened or why you feel the way you do. You are new and its a learning curve.. all I can tell you is to journal your emotions and feelings everyday so when you feel like this you can open up that journal with your Sir and discuss it. Communication is the number 1 rule in D/s…In the beginning when my Sir went to work I was home alone I felt like ”what am I suppose to do” ”why can’t I function” I felt naked without Sir guiding or there to comfort me. Sit with your Sir talk about what happened and ask your Sir to give you some tasks to do each day to keep you in that submissive mind set, text each other during the day keep communicating even if you think what your saying doesn’t make any sense to you…it may to your Sir. I wore my Sir shirt around the house so I could smell his scent on me when Sir was at work everyday…it calmed me so I could focus. Lady you are not alone and this is normal and your emotions will change each and every day but you will adapt to your submission and the feeling you get from your submission. Remember you are discovering who you are and discoveries take time to process all the new emotional ups and downs but you will start to understand them…it happens to us all. But it is worth every tear in the end!
Roadrunner♥ -
Hello SecretSub,
There is no such thing as epic fail in subspace and having to be emotional. What you have described is normal and happens to a lot of other subs. Little Trouble Roadrunner has a post about it in the forums. You and your partner are starting out and will experience alot of things that will be very different. Just take it slow one step at a time. And talk to each other about what you feel. Sometimes it is hard to put it into words, but you’ll start identifying what makes you feel that way and why after talking a few times about it. It’s a learning process, and it gets better in the long run.
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