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Tips for when life gets busy
My Sir and I have been so busy lately and our dynamic has really hit a low… it’s still there, but the fire is dimmed. I’ve tried asking for downtime and an emotional connection this week… I don’t even want sex at this point, I just want some sort of intimate connection like a bubble bath with Sir or just sensual physical touch.
My Sir has needed a lot of mental health days lately and I’ve been as supportive as I could be. He often deals with “lows” and has PTSD episodes from some past things that he’s overcome (which are related to other things, not us), but they will forever be present as he really can’t ever completely escape trauma. I understand this and we’re both in counseling to help us both cope with this on individual levels, but I just really want him to focus on our dynamic again.
He needs space and I’ve been respecting it. But, I’m also beginning to feel emotional and “needy.” I’ve expressed this to him, too. I also empathize and feel when he feels. So, I need to fill up my cup. I think I probably need to do some self-care on my own until my Sir is ready to address the gaps in our dynamic. To make matters worse, yesterday I brought up a topic that I thought he was okay talking about but he wasn’t ready and it made his PTSD “low” worse…. so I naturally feel really bad about that and want to help him. But, space is what he needs.
Tonight he told me he’s going to play video games, which is basically his signal in saying he needs more space and it’s his way of distracting from the stress he feels. So, I guess tonight I need to prioritize self-care for myself too. I’m planning on asking for downtime this weekend and a hiking and picnic day for us, so I hope that will give us the “refresh” we need.
Anyways… anyone else relate to this? In other words, how do you respect your Sir’s need for space at times? It’s really hard to be a very emotional person but my Sir doesn’t want anything to do with emotions at all right now… I tend to project my emotions which I think stresses him even more (even when I don’t intend to). But, I also need that emotional intimacy from him. It’s a balance and I think we’re just both so busy that we can’t get back to our normal rhythm.
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3 Replies
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A positive update is my Sir said we can have a scene and downtime this weekend so that’s wonderful news! He talked to me this morning and apparently he’s been having work-related stress on top of all the other stress… so at least I understand why this week has been so rough.
Still though, we probably need a plan to deal with our busyness. My work hours are going to increase in May so I’m hoping we can deal with all these changes. 😞
Today I’m going to figure out some way of feeding into him after I give myself some more self-care…. I think I’ve been running on empty this week… ugh 😐
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Hey chiquitta! We talk about these ebbs and flows all the time because every dynamic rides that roller coaster. Always lean on your D|s-M foundation of <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Honesty, Communication, Respect, Trust, Intimacy. Both of you need to always remember to have that honest communication especially when the stress is coming at you both. When he is in those lows, he needs to let you know and perhaps you can find ways to worth through them together. It can be as simple as allowing him time to himself or even perhaps taking a long walk. It sounds like he let you know he wanted some space. That is the perfect time to do some self-care! A long walk listening to an audio book or even just soaking in the tub. But let him know you are missing the emotional intimacy. You have those needs too! I loved your idea of a picnic! We missed it this weekend because Sir Ed has to work but I am going to plan for us to do this ASAP. Let us know how it is going with your Sir.
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Thanks subMarie! Things are getting a little better… we’ve both talked and both agree that we miss that D/s level of intimacy. We had cuddle time yesterday and I told him that I wanted us to brainstorm future scene ideas and he agreed. I’m going to plan something tonight to do for him after I finish my work.
I was in a friends’ wedding this past weekend and my Sir seemed to feel better and was reminiscing on our marriage which was nice. (: As I was off doing bridesmaid stuff and getting ready, he went hiking by himself (in the mountains) and found some peace so I’m glad he was able to do that. During the wedding, his eyes never left me and after the ceremony I had to walk down with another guy who was a groomsman. When the wedding party was far away from everyone else, my Sir came up and said “so, when do I get my wife back?” I blushed! hahaha, and he held my hand most of that night and we had a really good time. (:
This week is still going to be really busy and my parents are currently having some health issues, so that’s definitely burdening me. But, I know that Sir and I will continue finding that intimacy again. It seems like he’s feeling less stressed too, which is good. He brought up how he wants to workout more often and blow off steam so I’m going to try and encourage him to do that and join him when I can. It seems to help us both a lot.
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