Is what I am experiencing normal?

[Unknown Member]

Hi Trixie787,

While I can’t speak for anyone else’s experiences, I can tell you that I have experienced intense shivers during subspace after a particularly intense scene in the past, as well as subsequent exhaustion. It’s rather rare for me, but it has happened. I have never cried, but that does not mean crying is not common. Crying is a natural response to intense emotional or physical stimuli, and does not always signal something bad. From what I have read, everyone experiences subspace differently, and even the same person can have different reactions at times based on the scene, their emotional state, hormones, and many other factors. I wouldn’t worry about what is “normal” because “normal” is very subjective. A better question might be is it normal for you. If this has happened to you in the past, then there is probably no cause for alarm.

However, another good practice, if you are concerned at all, is to look back at the scene after a few days when you are no longer experiencing subspace or potential subdrop and evaluate your emotions. Did you enjoy the scene or do you have any regrets about it? Are you upset when you think back on the events or do you want to do it again? Any bad feelings that come up during this self reflection should be red flags, and you should discuss them openly with your Sir. If they are good memories and you’re ready to do it again, then no issues! Now you know how you’re likely to react, which can help prepare your Sir for your aftercare needs.

Again, I want to stress that there really is no such thing as normal, but also that if you have any negative feelings or concerns to talk openly with your Sir.

I hope this helped a little!

Little_1

[HisgirlCGL]

Hi Trixie,

This is a great place to all questions! As little_1 said, everyone is different but I have experienced both shivering and crying after an intense scene. Your Sir did just the right thing! Aftercare is so important after a scene. Thank you for sharing!

Hg

[Unknown Member]

Does anyone care to share what happened in the scene to give you “subspace”? I have read several things online on non-married BDSM websites, but am curious what takes place that puts you into this? I know it will be different for each person, but is it multiple orgasms or what brings you to that point?

[Unknown Member]

ColDomsub,

That is a difficult question to answer, and has caused me to look deeply into the circumstances surrounding my past experiences of subspace, something I really haven’t done in detail before. I’m not one to really worry about the why or the how… it feels good so keep doing it! But, after some introspection, this is what I have discovered.

For me, subspace normally follows an extreme impact play session. My Sir and I are fans of hard-core spankings and I am always testing my limits. Some of my deepest subspace experiences have occurred after an intense beating, then orgasm.

However, that is not the only time I have experienced subspace. I have also experienced it after longer scenes where objectification was the main focus. This was more mental, I think, and also harder to pin down exactly what the catalyst was. I think perhaps it was the series of dominating actions, not necessarily involving pain, that sunk my conscious deeper and deeper into submission until I was floating in a warm sea of my Sir’s control, directed easily by the current of his will.

One thing I can say with reasonable certainty is that multiple orgasms by themselves do not bring me to subspace. That’s just me though. That doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy them (don’t we all)!

I’m sure that others will have different experiences, these are simply what I have found causes subspace for me. Hope this answered some of your curiosity!

little_1

[Unknown Member]

Is there something you do mentally to prepare yourself for trying to go into subspace? Even in the midst of heavy play (I don’t know that we’ve really had a “scene” per say), I can be restrained, blindfolded, and gagged. However, my mind is still thinking about all the things I didn’t get done, all the contracts at work I should be working on, etc. I don’t know how to shut it off. It’s frustrating because I enjoy being restrained and the thought of it makes me tingle, yet when it actually happens it’s almost like a let down because I can’t free myself to just become his sexual object. I want to so badly. I want him to ravage me and use me and objectify me, and I do believe he tries to. But it’s my own mental block that cannot get into it. The thought of it does more for my head than the actual act.

[Vixen]

I am no expert in being in subspace, but I have lots of experience with a busy mind when I would rather be present. A couple of things that help me that might be worth a try – pick and choose if any seem like they may work for you. First of all, I can’t try too hard – that is usually a train wreck. Instead of focusing on “getting somewhere” I just need to try to be present. Sometimes I can get better focussed and centered if I focus on my breath. It can be as easy as concentrating on breathing in and out, or another technique is to imagine breathing in wherever I want the sensation the strongest, then out through my mouth – so I can “breathe in” through my vagina, or through my breasts or wherever. Another option is to try to match your breathing with your Sir’s, or with his rhythm if he’s doing anything that has a cadence. Sounds hokey maybe but somehow it seems that awareness and sensation are good partners. Also, I do find that the setup is important – doing something that’s not work and maybe at least kind of sexual before bed or before play helps shed some of those thoughts – read a sexy book, even surf through some of the posts on this site, anything that helps to get you away from the grocery lists and started in a more fun direction.

[HisgirlCGL]

For me, subspace generally occurs when I am bombarded with multiple sensations: flogger, crop, hand, wand while I’m bound and preferably blind-folded.