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Confused
I hope it is okay for me to post here. Myself and my partner/daddy are very new to all of this. I have always known I am very submissive and have done lots of reading about it, and what is expected of me. My partner, previous to me, had absolutely no knowledge about BDSM and did not know what the acronym even stood for. He is very dominant and quite sadistic. I am very confused about our dynamic currently. We are somewhat doing the little girl/daddy lifestyle but also s/d. I only call him daddy during sex and he says he doesn’t think of me as his little girl outside of sex, but in saying this he still likes to punish me if I don’t do the work I’m supposed to, rewards and praises me if i do stuff i’m meant to, he likes to control what clothes I wear, doesn’t let me masturbate etc… He doesn’t seem to realize how easily he can upset me and doesn’t understand sub drop.
While he likes being called Daddy I’m not sure if he actually is one as in some ways he is not very into the more loving side of LG/D, but in other ways he is. I am very confused and wanting to learn how to better balance our life with our sexual dynamic, and also how I should raise my confusion with him in terms he will understand without dismissing me for nitpicking… He likes to just go with the flow but I would like things more structured so I understand. Submissiveness and dominance comes very easily to each of us. TIA
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2 Replies
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First of all….welcome!!!! We are so happy to have you here! It is completely normal to feel a bit overwhelmed in the beginning. I have a couple questions for you to better help me help you. First, has your partner checked out HusDOM? It may really help to put the Dom side into perspective. How long have you both been into D/s? It is so important to start off on the right foot so you both can move forward together.
Here on SubMrs we teach from the foundations of D/s-M…… Honesty, Communication, Trust and Respect. Before you dive into harsh punishments, rules and rituals we like to focus on making sure your foundation is set. Making sure you both are Communicating Honestly through Trust and respect on both sides.
Personally I am also a little and my Sir is a Daddy. But it took us a year to really dive into that side of ourselves after we established our D/s and foundation. It’s kind of like making a pizza…..make the crust first, with the typical sauce and cheese then add the toppings you want to try. That way, if there is a topping you both don’t like (little, masochist) you can take that topping off but still have the crust and basic pizza in place.
There are great articles on here about subdrop you can look up and present to your Dom to help your Dom understand where you are coming from. Just type Subdrop in the search bar.
Also type Downtime in the search bar and read up on it. It is important to learn how you both can communicate best. Downtime presents a time for you both to come together to understand each other and work together to better understand each other.Finally have you read from the beginning of LKS blog posts on here? It’s a great way to start…..
And when you can, type KLB in the search bar. I have my introduction post listed and it gives great links to wonderful posts to help you get started.Hope this all helps!!!!
Xoxo
KLB -
Hi confused! Welcome to subMrs 🙂 We are all here learning and growing together, I am glad you posted your questions. This is a great place to ask, listen and grow. Hope to see you around!
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