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A glimpse into D/s-M with autism
This has been sitting in my mental thoughts for a while. I truly have no purpose to share other than it might help someone.
To set the scene I am ASD myself, also ADD. 2 of our children are also ASD and ADHD, another ADHD with bad anxiety. All 4 of us take medication. Plus another child considered “normal”Your Sir sets a task up for you to do. Your morning is a total disaster, to the point it impacts your whole day because your are so overwhelmed. Then you have the youngest child hang onto you all day, causing you to get a major sensory overload, thus overwhelming you further.
This is something Sir deals with ALOT. How do i “destress”? Well for me i need to be completely alone, silence. With a toddler who loves mumma so much cuddles constantly. Often tasks don’t happen because i am unable to “start fresh” Sir sets simple tasks, if it’s a good day he can extend it. If it’s a bad day “Missy, relax and do nothing today” Sir bases if punishment is required based on how I am coping that particular day. While it could look like i’m topping from the bottom and get away with alot, Sir always takes my mental health into consideration.School holidays x 4 kids. Sir will work his butt off all day, he comes home. It’s not uncommon for him to send me to the bedroom for 1 hour to read with the kids forbidden to go near me. If he doesn’t i’m awful to be around because i’m highly strung.
Crazy woman. Yup thats me. Of a night i turn into a loony, the more stress i have during the day the worse i am. I’m letting out my mental tension. I’ll sing, dance, saying the stupidist most ridiculous things. And there’s Sir just rolling with it. It’s a long running joke he zones me out-i want to zone myself out sometimes i’m so painfully annoying/funny.
Sir will have to tell me things repeatedly. Or imagine being asked how your day was 5 times by the one person. Yup that’s me. I forget discussing it. Or I will share a thought with Sir a few times x everyday for a week, probably more at times. Sir has a look, i’ll be like i’ve said this to you already haven’t i? Sir:only about 8 times.
So exact it must be painful. Out shopping a few days prior we had to stop somewhere i knew the way. I told Sir which carpark would be best so i didn’t get us lost. Sir believed that meant i would get us back to the car. I believed he would, my direction skills were only need IN the shops. Sir needs to be so precise with his directions, i literally only hear what he says. If he assumes i’ll think to do xyz, chances are i won’t because he didn’t say it.
Sir absolutely deserves most patient husband ever.I truly have no purpose to this post, i just wanted to share a glimpse of what A dynamic is like when you are wired a little bit differently.
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4 Replies
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Thank you so much for sharing this! I have severe depression and anxiety. I am on medication and therapy. Its been worse the past couple of years so a lot in our house revolves around my mental health and capabilities that day. I relate to a lot of what you said even though our struggles are different. That at times I’m sure it appears from the outside that I am topping when in reality he is taking care of me and my mental health. I have to be very forthright with what I need in that moment, what I can or can not do, etc. I struggle with feeling selfish or that I’m not a true sub because I am the top priority in the house for now, because I need so very much from him. I just have to do my best to give and serve where I can. He has ADD so we are constantly checking in with one another and adjusting our dynamic as needed to fit those needs.
Well done for creating what works for you and being an example for others!
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Dear Missy,
Thank you for sharing. You have a wonderful Sir and your dynamic is working for you both, so that is great progress. I am looking forward to your next post!
Warm regards,
Belle -
Missy and Darling,
Thank you so much for your bravery in sharing what is going on in your households and how you are coping. Autism, ADD, and mental health issues are seldom talked about in society but are very real and impact everyday families in our communities. I am so happy that you both are taking care of yourselves and have Sirs who are willing to role with the punches. Not every dynamic looks the same. Not every dynamic is meant to. Both of you are concerned that you look like you are topping but I think that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Self-care is so important so that you can be the best mom/sub you can be is a priority. Don’t apologize for that. You ladies have my admiration! I am so happy you are a part of our community and I hope you continue to reach out for support in the forums and chatrooms!
Much Love,
Para-
Thank you so much Para!
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