“Gray Divorce”

~OR~

“Grey Marriage™”

Let me tell you a little story about Jack & Diane.            (Yes, hear the music and sing along inside your head.)

Before we go to Jack and Diane’s story. Let’s define first what “Gray-Divorce” & “Grey Marriage” are. Gray Divorce refers normally to couples that divorce after the age of “Fifty”. You hear about those “Empty Nesters” that call it quits after 20+ years of marriage. “How sad”,  you think and “What a shame”, you say. Today, people living longer and Midlife is now starting earlier and lasting longer. You can be midlife as early as 40 and as late as 60. 

Grey Marriage™ it’s what we are. It’s what we have created on subMrs. and husDOM.com . It’s what women desire, not just Diane. It’s the journey taken by a vanilla husband and wife. The transition from a wife into a subMrs. and a husband into a husDOM. (D/s-Married couples) This new lifestyle was inspired from the Fifty Shades of “Grey” trilogy of books. Diane wanted what Anastasia and Christian had. Asked the question, How… Then found the way…….

Jack and Diane, they got married right out of high school, yes, in the heart land. They had a special connection and they both knew it right from the start. They held a piece of one another’s heart. It seemed they had been brought together by something or someone bigger then themselves. Friends and family knew they would make it, and they did. They did everything right. Career, house, & kids, it happened just how society would deem as “correct”. Fast forward 20 years, couple moves and two kids later. All of the foundations of a great marriage were still in place.  Trust, love, honesty, respect and communication all were still in tact, yet Diane could feel an emptiness growing everyday in her heart.

Let’s give you some back ground about Jack & Diane.

Jack was a great man,  a naturally Dominant man, wise way beyond his years. Jack was logical, he lived in two colors, black & white (no grey areas). Never looking at any situation as a victim.  To Jack honesty and Integrity means everything to him. Failure is NOT an option and NOT in his vocabulary. As years would progress he was proven to wear every hat for Diane. He was her pillar of strength. Jack was Diane’s best friend, lover, caretaker, father-figure & father to their children.  He was raised to be humble, strong and is proudly a ditto of his father.

Diane appeared unsure of herself but still had an inner strength. There was a light inside that she only showed to few, the few that believed in her. Most would say she was a dreamer. She lived with her heart on her sleeve. If anyone would tell her she couldn’t, she would or find a way to achieve. Just getting by was NOT enough for her in any aspect. It’s all or nothing. She believed in and wanted the fairytale. Diane was always willing to put herself on the back burner to serve the greater good. Isn’t that what we are taught to do as good wives and mothers? Jack built her up and never tore her down. Diane bloomed under Jack’s guidance. She started seeing things in many colors, her crayon box was more then just the primary colors. Eventually, she came alive in the color grey. Jack made her more then she ever could have imagined. He brought out the best in her. He allowed her to…, simply become her, a place she had never put any value.  Sometimes, she worked two jobs to make sure Jack could go to school and become the bread winner that they were planning. It was a great plan. It all happened as they had thought it would.

“We ought to run off to the city…. Diane says, baby… You are not missing anything…. “

The Awakening, The Creation, Purge & Formal Acceptance
Over the years, Jack had taught Diane to believe in herself and to be strong, so well, that sometimes there was a struggle for power. Two captains, two boss’s, two cooks in the kitchen. His motivation was to make enough money so that Diane could stay home and take care of their children. Both, Jack and Diane having mothers that were “stay-at-home-moms” knew they wanted to give that to their children. They did….  Diane began to “Design”  a career and also saw her marriage had become very “gray”, repetitive and almost robotic. Sex, limited and as a duty performed. Communication had become polite at best. She walked on egg shells, and quickly her energy was that of “the victim”. Jack had become aggressive and defensive of his every move. He had put his head down pushing forward on what societies expectations were. His head, hidden it in the sand about the condition of his marriage. Diane many times asked Jack, “Do you still LIKE me”? Meaning, she knew he loved her for being the mother to his children and loving her for being there in the past, like a obligation. But, did he like her, really like her? She thought not. No matter how many times he would tell her he did. But, knowing what she did about Jack, he would not want to accept failing, especially in regards to his marriage. They argued about everything. They took each other for granted.  This is the way married couples work after so many years together right? Wrong! Had they just grown apart? Was it too late to fix things?

One day, Diane picked up a book, Fifty Shades of Grey and it caused her an ache… An ache that kept coming from her core… It bubbled out like as if you shook a bottle of champagne. Emotions spewed out. A new bravery was born. This book caused Diane to take assessment of herself and her marriage. Who was she? Where was she going with her marriage and her own happiness? She gobbled up the trilogy and only felt more like she was a trapped animal that needed to be freed. As she shut the last book, tears ran down and she thought, I have to find a way to put this dynamic into my marriage. This could bring clarity to our roles within the marriage. He was naturally a “Dominant Personality” and at this point Diane just wanted to let go and be taken care of, she was the “submissive personality”.  She no longer wanted a power struggle, she wanted a power exchange. A lightbulb moment happened, some clarity, she had “The submissive Awakening“.  She began to create the dynamics in her head. What could she do or how could she change her way of thinking so that she could show Jack her commitment? She turned the “Mirror” first on herself. She educated herself and found that there was nothing out there for married couples that wanted to stay monogamous and practice BDSM. So, she created her ideals and wrote them down..then started thinking when is the best time to approach her husband, Jack about starting a D/s dynamic? She knew Jack was way more flexible after sex and or alcohol.

“The Purge” came along with their “Formal Acceptance“. It all started when they went to a local wine festival on a beautiful summer day. In the Twilight that morning they had sex and softening those sharp edges. As they sat under a beautiful birch tree and Diane began to tell him how the book touched her and how much she ached for that type of dynamic. Jack sat there as she told him that she was ready to leave the marriage if something did not change that day, that moment. She would love Jack forever but she was prepared to go live her life in color…. The color, “grey“. That day they sat there under that tree and began to “Design” there new lifestyle, Domination and submission for married couples, what we now call a “Grey Marriage™”. That night, Diane knelt in front of her husband, nude, and formally asked him for her desires. She will never forget the vulnerability she felt, the power she felt from submitting to him that way.

Jack’s response well I guess you all can guess. How they did it, details are on this site and Mr. Fox’s.

**Two American kids doing the best they can…….

More about Gray Divorce 

Why is Gray Divorce happening? Divorce in general is a part of culture now. It’s no longer tabu. The need to be married is not as fulfilling to some as in the past. Now you can have sexual relationship but without the ties and it’s ok. I have read many reports on the subject and I pulled a few of the reasons they say Gray Divorce happens……… 

Expectations of your partner, expecting them to look and act the same for 20+ years, basically peoples tastes change, people change.

Midlife Assessments/Evaluations, “Baby Boomers” quest for happiness, Empty Nest Syndrome, working women having financial freedoms, people living longer. During these assessments, they are re-evaluating their options.  Aging, milestones & sudden deaths of friends have all been triggers of Gray Divorce.

More about a Grey Marriage

Who is it that Grey Marriage can work for?

Couples that have come to that “MidLife Clarity Moment” or Mid-life crisis. Long after the thrill of livin’ is gone…. they wake up in a fear of what’s the next stage or who they are as a couple, how do I reconnect with my partner again, now that we are empty nesters. Not just empty nesters, many times one partner wakes up realizing they are an “individual” again and not just a part of a family unit. They also can wake up with regret and forget all they have built.

Time for a DO-OVER … It’s the best years, its time to just be a couple again. Be in love again. Feel desire and lust. LIVE AGAIN! Make the most of the days you have left. One chance, One life… One partner that you have put years in with. You have an investment in this person. You have built a trust with this person. You love unconditionally and they love you back in the same way. You know one another’s in’s and unfortunately out’s…. LOL! You can have the most magical experiences with the person you know, will NOT let you fall. Who else would you want to experiment with? Who can you just be you with?

I have to post a warning though. If there has been a betrayal in the marriage it will make its way to the surface pretty quickly. When you do your purge, you and your partner will be raw and vulnerable. D/s-M can be the beginning of something so magical or it can be the beginning of the end. Either way, most times it will clear the way for you to move on to finding yourself and happiness. I guess overall be sure of what you desire. Be ready to open that can of worms.

So think about it, Gray Divorce or Grey Marriage? Which one would you choose? Which one are you choosing?

Oh yeah, I say, love goes on……Keeping the thrill of loving beyond….. 

Lyrics: Jack & Diane

By John Mellencamp

Little ditty about Jack and Diane
Two American kids growin’ up in the heartland
Jackie gonna be a football star
Diane debutante backseat of Jackie’s car

Suckin’ on chili dogs outside the tastee freeze
Diane’s sittin’ on Jackie’s lap
He’s got his hand between her knees
Jackie say, hey, Diane
Let’s run off behind a shady trees
Dribble off those Bobby Brooks
Let me do what I please
Say a

Oh yeah, life goes on
Long after the thrill of livin’ is gone
Say a
Oh yeah, life goes on
Long after the thrill of livin’ is gone
They walk on

Jackie sits back
Reflects his thoughts for the moment
Scratches his head
And does his best James Dean
Well you know, Diane
We oughta run off to the city
Diane says, baby
You ain’t missin’ nuth-in
Jackie, say-a

Oh yeah, life goes on
Long after the thrill of livin’ is gone
Oh yeah, I say, life goes on
Long after the thrill of livin’ is gone

Gonna let it rock
Let it roll
Let the Bible Belt come
And save my soul
Hold on to sixteen as long as you can
Changes come around real soon
Make us women and men

Oh yeah, life goes on
Long after the thrill of livin’ is gone
Oh yeah, I say, life goes on
Long after the thrill of livin’ is gone

Little ditty about Jack and Diane
Two American kids done the best they can

“Gray Divorce”

~OR~

“Grey Marriage™”

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