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Starting Out & Fundamental Change
My husband and I have always had a D/s relationship in the bedroom. I’ve always loved it and always wanted more outside the bedroom. My issue is this…I’ve never known my husband to be assertive in our vanilla life and am I asking him to change who he is just for something I want? He’s never taken charge of anything in regards to the house, the kids, our finances, etc. He was raised by his single mother to respect women and (although he’s never said this), I get the distinct impression he’s feeling like he’s going against what he was taught.
Maybe deep down, I don’t trust that he will or can. Am I being selfish for wanting this and asking him to change?
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4 Replies
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Hi pet
I totally understand whete your coming from on this. My Sir has always been very respectful towards everyone in his life especially women. He treats me like a queen so it is difficult to ask them to change etc. But what I can say is we communicate a lot regarding this new relationship and it has actually made him more Confident in many ways especially towards trying new things and taking charge /the lead. It’s extremely difficult to let go of the assertiveness as I am used to making sure house is always clean and organising activities etc so it’s extremely frustrating actually letting go to be a respectful sub and not speak so assertively lol. But what I can say is being a sub is something to be wanted and every new sub/dom relationship has these struggles. Nothing worth having is easy 😉 but that’s just my thoughts. Hope it helps. Your not alone
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I’ve had these thoughts many times over. Am I trying to change him for my sake only? Can he even do it? Am I putting a huge burden on him when he’s already stressed out?
I don’t think it’s changing him as much as allowing him to show a different side of himself. If you let him he is going to lead in his own way. It may not be exactly as you envision. I agree with Cleo about the confidence boost. It does take time though. Don’t dump everything on him at once, encourage him and be patient. It’s not selfish to tell him your needs. 🙂
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My first post on the forum so Hi.
My husband/master and I took power exchange one step at a time. Fundamentally we are a married couple with responsibilities and making sure the house is running and children are cared for is our priority, try and upset that all at once and it can be a daunting loss of identity.
We originally kept D/S to formal evenings and discussed ideas about the power exchanges we would like to make. When I was ready I handed him complete responsibility for my chosen area (my diet and excercise)
We used this as our “practice” so to speak as it didn’t impact on the children’s lives or our work life balance. At first it was easy and fun but eventually the difficult dynamics set in, when I didn’t want to do it and felt resentful. When he had to learn to insist as he knew it was best for me despite it going against his nature. Him learning how to reward and encourage.
We ensured lots of down time and feedback that could be used as lessons learned so when that was running smoothly we could look at another area for power exchange.
Take it one step at a time, enjoy training and feeding back to each other to make sure you are both getting what you want.
Sigyn
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Well said!
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