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Insight Part 2
I plan to be very honest in this post and hope it in someway helps others or you at least read the whole thing.
Wow what a year it has been. It still amazes me that we are a year into TTWD. It seemed like when we first started that a year was so far away. I would come on here to read the blog, chat, and learn. I wanted what everyone had and it seemed like it was (at times) so far out of my reach. I would hear what others had and dream one day it would be mine too. Then I realized something…it wouldn’t. I wouldn’t have what they had exactly…I couldn’t. We had to find OUR D/s. We had to re-discover ourselves individually, as a couple, as husband/wife; before we could truly become Dom/sub. It is hard to realize this at times when we hear all the great things going on for others,but I had to realize that although I was happy for them, I was jealous at times too. Jealous that Our D/s was not what always where others were. It took a very serious Downtime from Sir to show me this.
It was two months ago….I thought our D/s was going very well. Yes we had had our ups and downs but that is to be expected. I very surprised when Sir came to me with concerns about the way our D/s was going. He was feeling like I was all over the place at time, inconsistent, and confusing. It was hard to hear. I was hurt and afraid he no longer wanted this. I will admit for half a second—vanilla tried to rear her ugly head. I however actually LISTENED to what he was telling me. He was not calling it off. He was concerned for my well being, my needs, but didn’t like where I was headed. HE called me on it. Sir expressed his needs, his wants and what we needed to do to get where we both wanted to be. I had told him there were things I could live without if they bothered him. Sir told me he loved me—all of me and that he did not want me to change. What he wanted was me to be present in OUR story at all times. That while he knew I greatly wanted this for us it was hard for him to keep up with my ever changing mindset. Again…hard to hear. So my lovies….what have I learned?
1. D/s is truly not for the faint of heart. It is serious work. Do not think all the work is on your Dom either lovies. You too will work hard to build YOUR D/s.
2. While it is good to come on here and grow and learn. Always remember that everyone’s journey is not rainbows and sunshine all the time. Others, even those years in, still stumble.
3. You must LISTEN. Listen to your Sir and your heart. They will not lead you astray. Downtime matters-make time for it!
4. Grow, learn, and become who you really are. If you have fears-share them, desires-share them, joy and sorrow-share them. Do not hold them in thinking you are a bother…..it will hold you back.
5. Above all else—-Embrace YOUR journey. Rejoice, grow, learn, cherish, and value the whole journey. Learn from the downs; be humbled during the ups. Make it yours.
I would not change mine thus far….yes I was not going in the right direction at first but since that big downtime we have grown so much. I have grown by leaps and bounds. We are more connected now. On the same path this time. He is my friend, husband, lover and truly is my Sir. I will write later how things have changed over the past two months to bring us where we are now, but I felt I needed to get out in the open the internal struggles I had that brought us here. Lets see what the next 6 months bring 🙂 -
3 Replies
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Thanks ll! I struggle with jealousy. I have finally come to terms that my Dom is going to look different than maybe i had pictured in my head. Some things just aren’t going to be his style.
I would love to hear what changes you have made. Can’t wait for that post.
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Littlelove thank you for sharing this. It is always good to be reminded that, no matter how long we have been doing this for, we all ‘still stumble’ and that each of us needs to embrace our own journey and not worry too much if it is different to those of other people. I also look forward to reading your next post. 😀
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Littlelove, thank you for sharing. I still feel vanilla rearing her head when Sir tells me something about myself that concerns Him. As much as I pour into our D/s, it’s hard to take that constructive criticism. That is one of the things I love about TTWD- it makes me communicate… both talking AND listening. I look forward to your next post!
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